What He Would Have Wanted
by cALLIEfornia BENches
Summary: Alternate New Moon - Bella and Alice hurriedly try and stop Edward from jumping into the light. But what would have happened if they didn't make it? She'd have to live on: it's What He Would Have Wanted.
1. Preface

**Disclaimer**: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/****N:** Hello! So this is a story written by ScribbledLove and mahoganyBENch. For the whole story behind it, go to our profile. Just a fair warning, the story is a tear-jerker, so if I were you, I'd pull out the tissues. Enjoy. :)

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**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

**PREFACE:**

I was dead. I was sure of it. Every sign leaned toward my future ashen body lying on the floor. Lifeless. And this moment in my godforsaken life was easily the most perilous I had ever endured. Greater than the ballet studio that was etched vaguely in my mind.

And yet, it wasn't. I was hunched over their shoulders, gagged, blindfolded, and gripped in a steel-trap vice around my stomach. Each step my captor took led to a tightening of their grasp on me. But it wasn't impossible.

I could get out. I could fight. Even in my state, I could squirm and cause a fuss.

But I didn't see the point.

He was gone. Out of my doorway and out of my sight. All effort to escape my captor's hold was gone. It was gone long ago. It had left with his touch.

I could tell we were rounding a corner. Even my instincts were bidding against me and had counted the steps and turns of my body's journey. I wasn't going to let my mind get caught up this time. I was going to deal with the pain with very ounce of pride left. No tears and screams. Smiles, maybe.

I was going to die. And it was in his name. In their names. Death was going to welcome me with open arms while I looked into his dark face. And behind him would stand and angel brighter than the sun sparkling over his chest. I would be home.

The footsteps stopped, as did my slow and steady fantasy.

"We're here," the voice shrilled. "Death is just beyond the door." With that, I heard a slow creak punctuate the silence. The blindfold flew off of my eyes with a flash.

And I was pushed in. The door closed.

_**Thud.**_


	2. The Blanket Unfolds

**Disclaimer**: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Hello! We really, really hope you enjoy the story. We know we loved writing it. It takes place during _New Moon_, as Alice and Bella are headed to Italy to stop Edward. Italicized words are **not **ours, but Stephenie's, used for purposes of our plot. The whole story will be from Bella's POV.

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**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

The sun had risen unbearably high. God was mocking me; He seemed to willingly grant Edward the perfect weather so he could successfully end his eternal life. It wasn't just today either. Not being able to see him or touch him or breathe him in was torture enough. Leave it to the heavens to make him think I'm dead too.

_I probably should have watched out the window as first the city of Florence and then the Tuscan landscape flashed past with blurring speed. This was my first trip anywhere and maybe my last, too._ For once, I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to fully comprehend Alice's speeding. Not that I cared. The sooner I could save Edward, the sooner I could hold him, and the easier the ache in my chest would cease.

My ache. Perhaps this was the longest my mind had gone without thinking about this widening hole for many months. I scoffed. How ironic was it that Edward was on the brink of death, and my breaking heart was the closest it was to mending? Then again, Edward always did that to me. He always knew what to fix. Even when he didn't know it.

Time was going by fast now. Luckily, the pixie of a girl driving cruised fluidly through the traffic.

"_He's still planning on noon?" I checked._

"_Yes. He's decided to wait. And they're waiting for him."_

"_Tell me what I have to do."_

_She kept her eyes on the winding road—the needle on the speedometer was touching the far right on the dial._

"_You don't have to do anything. He just has to see you before he moves into the light. And he has to see you before he sees me."_

"_How are we going to work that?"_

"_I'm going to get you as close as possible, and then you're going to run in the direction I point you."_

_I nodded._

"_Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."_

_I groaned. That would be just like me—ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness._

The clock seemed to be bulleting toward noon and with each minute the time seemed to dwell over, I was once again panicking. How could this happen? Why must I have been so ridiculously stupid as to cliff dive? And alone for that matter? If only I was smart enough to bring someone—anyone—along with me, none of this would be an issue right now. It would be my entire fault if Edward succeeded in stepping out in the sun and dazzling everyone with his sparkling skin. It would be my fault that Edward was dead and the Cullen's lost a son. Their son. My Edward.

I held back the tears that I had barricaded behind my eyes hours before. Someone had to be strong and stay hopeful. Alice already sacrificed her life to stop Edward. She had said goodbye to Jasper. Now it was my turn to risk myself for Edward. Fixing my eyes on the road ahead, Alice pointed toward the walled off hill leading up to a city. Volterra.

_We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Alice to weave insanely between them anymore._ The cars crept one by one toward the city. As we got closer, I could see cars parked by the side of the road with people getting out and walking the rest of the way. It all seemed normal enough. But when we came around a switchback, I could see the filled parking lot outside the city wall and the crowds of people walking through the gates. No one was allowed to drive through.

"_Alice," I hissed._

"_I know."_

The dense crowd swarmed the entrance like ants around an anthill. We were crawling at a snails pace and I was quickly growing impatient. I leaned forward in my seat. The seatbelt was cutting into my neck, but I was too concerned to notice. I did notice, however, that my nails were tapping recklessly on the dashboard when Alice reached over and put one cold, iron hand over my own to stop them. I placed my hands in my lap and began to put my arms over my chest.

"_Bella." Alice spoke quickly in a fierce, low voice. "I can't see what the guard here will decide now—if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go in alone. You're going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, the clock tower, and run in the direction they tell you. Don't get lost."_

I nodded curtly and repeated the name several times in my head, attempting to memorize it.

"_Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's a narrow alleyway on the right, and he'll be in the shadow over there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun," she explained._

I glanced upwards out the window at the sun. It already seemed so high in the sky. I never thought I would be able to despise a part of our solar system so much. I couldn't bring myself to look at the clock, but the sun told me enough; I was running out of time.

The car lurched forward and I saw Alice weaving around the man that was directing traffic away from the full parking lot. He had a look of shock written all over his face as we passed, which quickly morphed to anger as he shouted at us in a foreign language and _waved his arms madly to keep the next car from following our bad example._

The next guard eyed us curiously as we slowed in front of him and the locked gate. As Alice angled the car so she was in a shadow, she reached into the back and pulled a long, tan glove over her arm that reached her elbow.

There was an _angry tapping at our window_ that had me jumping out of my seat. This impatience had me on edge. Alice quickly rolled the window down half way and the guard's eyes glazed over as he saw the beauty on the other side.

"_I'm sorry, only tour buses allowed in the city today, miss," he said in heavily accented English._

Alice smiled brightly, dazzling the poor man. I inwardly rolled my eyes. We didn't have time for him to be dazzled. We were cutting it down to the wire now. I cleared my throat loudly in hopes that Alice would stop fooling around. She turned her head slightly and glared at me. My dazed attention finally caught on to her intention. Still, I inwardly rolled my eyes. Vampires really could do too much.

"_It's a private tour," Alice said, flashing him an alluring smile. She took his hand, still raised from tapping her window, and pulled it into the car. She put something into his palm, and folded his fingers around it._

_His face was stunned as he retrieved his hand back and stared at the thick roll of money he now held. The outside bill was a thousand dollars._ My eyes temporarily bulged at the wad of cash.

"_Is this a joke?" he mumbled._

_Alice's smile was blinding. "Only if you think it's funny."_

He seemed to have an internal argument with himself as he stared at the money, and then at Alice. He started shaking his head slowly and avoided looking back in the car. He shook his head more vigorously. Almost instantly, Alice's smug and seducing face fell; she knew what was coming next. I braced myself for the worst. Perhaps Edward had already stepped out of the shadows. I felt myself begin to tear up again. And that damn hole just liked opening up at the worst times.

"No, I'm sorry; I can't let you guys through. Maybe if the money was real...," he started mumbling under his breath in a language I didn't understand. "I'm sorry," he said again, handing her back the wad of bills. Alice quickly snatched the clump of cash and rolled up the windows. A hard look of concentration on her face, there seemed to be a piercing silence inside the yellow Porsche. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs and thrashing around in my seat. We were wasting time. Precious, precious time that we were squandering by sitting in a silent car. Before I could begin to rebel, Alice shot a glance in my direction. In an instant, her face changed.

Alice's hands tightened into fists. "Go, Bella. We can't get in. Go."

I didn't need to be told twice. The door was open and I was out of the car before she finished her last sentence. I didn't pause to watch Alice melt into the shadows. I didn't stop to close my door behind me. "Palazzo dei Priori!" she shouted after me as I pushed my way to the entrance.

I hadn't realized the wind until it was whipping and pinching at my cheeks. Those around me were clutching their loose bits of clothing to keep them from flying away. I sighed, frustrated. Even the wind was blowing against me. Someone up there just really didn't want me to make it to the clock tower in time.

People were glaring and shouting at me as I tugged them out of my way. I stumbled a few times over the uneven ground beneath me, but the crowd of people was so thick, it held me up. I ran as quickly as I could; I felt like a lab rat running through a maze, trying to find the cheese at the end. I had to find my cheese. That beautiful cheese at the end of the maze.

"Palazzo dei Priori?" I shouted to a random bystander.

They started talking in the foreign language, but pointed to my right. I ran toward the direction they pointed me, even though they were still in mid sentence. The crowd here wasn't so difficult to weave through; it was sparse enough that I could zigzag though people without causing them too much discomfort. I stumbled over to the direction of the Palazzo dei Priori.

"Perdono!" I exclaimed. It seemed amusing that I used a word I heard in The Godfather. But the word seemed to take its effect. The crowd deviated from my clumsy jog towards the clock tower. I continued to chant the word, every so often getting angry glances at what was most likely my horrible Italian accent.

Finally, I could see a large adorned clock in the middle of the square. It wasn't too hard to notice; the designs on its edges were beautiful and the many intricate drawings left much of the crowd standing towards it ogling at the architecture. If I hadn't been so frantic to save Edward, the lovely patterns on the tower would have captured my attention right away in this busy square.

After much pushing and shoving, I was able to find a ledge to stand on and hopefully look over the many heads positioned inconveniently at the base of the clock tower. I climbed up the edge warily. I was not going to let accident-prone Bella suddenly take charge and ruin the little chance I had to find Edward. Unsteadily, I stood up. I was immediately crestfallen when I realized just how large the square encircling the clock was. I was amazed that I managed to tread my way over here so quickly. While I could easily scan over the heads of the crowd, I was panicking at the immense area my eyes would have to cover in such a short time. I quickly diverted my attention to the shadows, which unfortunately held the most people; the majority being overheated tourists. The blazing sun made it more difficult to peer over without being blinded. I hastily shot my hand over my eyes to shield myself from the bright light.

It would take minutes to carefully scan the entire length of the square in the shade. Minutes I might not have. I peered over my shoulder at the clock: 11: 53. I would have 7 minutes to look for Edward. Without a moment's notice, I started my search.

Sweat began beading down my face and my neck stung with heat, announcing a shortcoming sunburn. I had searched about half the square and still no luck. I began thinking up various ways for Edward to notice me. I could scream out his name. He would hear me and know I wasn't dead. But what about the Volturi? Alice mentioned that they were watching him. If I chose to yell and announce my presence, it might solve the Edward problem, but my recognition of supernatural beings would be known. No. There had to be a way we could both be safe. I continued to crane my neck and seek my bronze-haired beauty. The back of my neck felt like it was on fire. But it still didn't compare to that hole in my chest. Nor my drive to find Edward.

Why hadn't he smelled me yet? Were there too many people to notice my scent? It was 11:57 and I still could not find him. The tears I had so meticulously strained back were becoming free-flowing and ruining my vision and my sight to see Edward. Why couldn't he notice me? Had our time apart dulled his senses to me? Did he not love me? No. There must be some ray of affection. He was killing himself for me for goodness sake! But that didn't stop the widening crevasse in my chest to expand.

11: 58. I was uncontrollably gasping for air that my lungs needed to further fuel the sobs escaping my mouth. I was shaking and with each tremble came a horrible ripping of that damned fissure. _Edward_, I kept thinking. _Where are you? I love you. Don't hurt me like this._ I could take the pain of being apart, but not this. His death would mean permanent separation. My heart was already tugging at its foundation after that day in the woods. But he was alive then; that thought always slowed the hole from widening too fast. With him gone forever, any chance to stop that hole from bursting was gone. And the man I loved would never come back. I had nothing. No chance for love. No chance to laugh. Nothing.

The last stretch of hope filled me. Perhaps he would know I was here if I did another dangerous deed. I had heard him in my head during those months. Maybe he would hear me too. But I knew the attempt would be futile. Not only would I injure myself, but also Edward would not hear me. I was gagged. The only sound I made now was the raspy wheeze for air to further supply myself with racks of tears. Silent pleas to see him.

Why did I have to be so different? Had I been normal, he would be able to hear my mind, and none of this would have ever happened. Why? Why did I have to suffer? The free-falling tears had fully blurred my vision by now. And by the lapse of time, I would venture to guess that noon was moments away. I had lost. And in a game of life, there were neither second chances nor redos.

Suddenly, I saw a wisp of bronze through the droplets of salty water escaping my eyes. Quickly, I smeared my face with the back of my hand to wipe away the tears to see clearly. My head lurched forward; I scanned painfully through the crowd and sun to recapture the tint of color just moments before. I caught the color through the corner of my eye. But the hope once again diminished when it was nothing but a bronze-like shirt worn by a rather large woman. It saddened me further when the shade of it was much too dull to even match Edward's hair.

I squinted my eyes toward the clock. Thirty seconds until my life was over. But it was far from over in my mind. My new mindset was to follow Edward. Not towards the shadows he was lurking at, but in the afterlife. I was fully prepared to venture into the unknown, so long as Edward was by my side.

But God obviously enjoyed not letting me have my way, because it was at that moment I caught another blur of bronze. A man of dazzling beauty gracefully weaving his way through the crowd. His bronze hair shimmered in the shade, and a look of grief was plastered on his face. The hole in my heart opened once again, knowing I caused such mourn on that delicate, flawless facade of his.

I had had enough of the dazzling daydream. I jumped off the ledge hurriedly and began pushing my way out of the crowds of people snapping pictures of the clock tower. Most faces I passed showed confusion and utter anger at the ruined photo I had created by standing in the frame or brushing hastily past. Not that I cared. The picture could be retaken. But with Edward gone, who would be there to retake my heart? No one. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I ran faster than I could have ever dreamt of running through the crowd. There seemed to be less people and the little human tunnel between Edward and I seemed to widen. Hope spurred me on as I realized that I could save him. It would all end well. It just had to.

_**Dong**_

I heard the clock toll above me, happily signaling the middle of the day, shattering my own silence and concentration.

The sprint to Edward seemed to elongate in front of me. The harder I ran, the farther away he was. I realized this and I was hardly halfway when the clock tower struck noon. Fear immediately wormed its way into my body and adrenaline pumped through my veins. I began to try and pick up the pace and get to him.

Edward was about ten feet from the edge of the shadows that met the light and disappeared. The look of depression was evident on his face. His eyes closed as I attempted to reach his side. Even when he was as still as a gargoyle, he was beautiful. So beautiful. Several passing tourists simply stared at his stillness and utter perfect beauty. Slowly, a smile crept up his face and he opened his eyes. Even from afar, the man dazzled me to no end. Slowly, as if to deter from his vampire extreme of speed for a small moment, Edward made his way to the sun kissed road ahead under the pale blue sky. The smile still in his eyes, I noticed tears in his eyes that he would never be able to drop. But still, there was a smile.

"Bella," Edward whispered, as if he was speaking only to me. The distance between him and I was not fully covered yet. To hear his voice after months of my own self-pain and torture was absolute bliss. I quickened my feet. I yelled his name, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of the clock tolling again. I was on the verge of screaming for such a chance to lose my Edward. My other half felt like jumping for joy at finding and being able to hear his voice. Two polar opposites I really did not need to fulfill until I was sure he was in my grasp, and as far away from the wretched sun as I could get him. I missed Forks and the overcast now more than anything.

He was still smiling with those unshed tears; about to spill over, but I knew better. He loved me. He would go to the ends of the earth for me, and I for him. It was as if this crowded square was no longer busy with people. I could see Edward more clearly, and I hoped he could see me now. My head was starting to sway from being lightheaded.

The clock tower finally stopped ringing, and I was gaining ground. Only about twenty more feet left, I thought. In a few moments, my arms would be trapped and tangled around his neck. All that mattered now was the small space separating Edward and me.

A wisp of red unfurled before my eyes; a scarf. The scarf slid over my eyes midway through my sprint to the end of the maze. The wind that had once pinched my cheeks immediately picked up, completely slapping the back of my neck with searing pain. But in another moment, the breeze was at a standstill, and the scarf continued to cover my eyes and blind my direction of sight. I hastily threw the scarf from my eyes and searched to find Edward once again. I instantly spied him; he had made his way to the edge of the shadows. His face showed fear and determination. I was pretty sure my expression was on the verge of utter dread and terror.

_**THUD**_

My foot, in an attempt to switch directions after being diverted from the red scarf, caught a passerby's camera bag. In a second, I was hurtled toward the ground, bracing myself for impact. I was lurched forward with such force and speed that when my shoulder made contact with the cobblestone floor, a wrenching pain spiraled through my body and made its way back to the epicenter. The crash dizzied me. It became very hard to breathe for a few moments. Surprise swept across my face. I was thoroughly dazed by the sudden fall.

I finally regained my mind back from its spinning frenzy. Edward. I thrashed my head in his direction. In my sudden act of klutziness, I had forgotten about the life I had to save.

There he stood. His long pointed shoes lined up with the shadow's edge. A cliff of shade that he was willing to jump off and into the bright light ahead. His eyes were still closed in the unnaturally serene manner and a lop-sided smile formed on his lips. He had never been so beautiful as he was now, in all his glory. The inclination of death seemed to take little toll on his stature and his graceful presence. But at the same time, I never saw such an ugly scene; a beautiful creature willing to jump into the face of death for a plain face. Plain Jane. Me.

I quickly tried to stand up, but was rewarded with a throbbing pain in my shoulder and a numbness in my legs that brought me crashing right back down to the ground. My ankle seemed to be securely wrapped around the strap of the bag I had clumsily fallen over. I was much too afraid to divert my attention to removing the bag's entanglement. In such time, Edward would have easily stepped over the sun-made line and the entire journey would have been useless. I began to speak, but my voice was so hoarse from the whipping wind that little sound reverberated from my lungs. I felt like a trapped child in a car awaiting a deadly impact on the side of the road; nothing I could do but sit there and watch as disaster was to unfold.

"Bella. My life. My drug," he whispered. The hole in my chest widened tenfold. The pain in my shoulder was minuscule compared to the ache that now throbbed near my heart. Nothing was worse than that ache. Except perhaps not being able to get Edward's attention.

Slowly, as if to make careful steps of precision in his death, Edward raised his foot inches above the ground and pushed his leg over the line. Immediately, a certain shine appeared under the thin texture of the jeans he wore; not so pronounced as bare skin, but enough to notice had one been paying attention. A sudden rustle of black clothing jostled in the corner of my eye; a slight swivel of my head and I noticed the two men standing in dark, thick cloaks, their focus pressed on my dear Edward. I looked to my left and there stood three more. They all seemed to await Edward's full engrossing into the light. All were ready to pounce at moment's notice.

My mind was screaming. While my physical state seemed immobile, my emotional condition was all but stable. How I wanted to shout out his name. But my body wasn't responding to my pleas for a voice. And my numb legs could not find the strength to pull myself out of the entanglement of the floor. The only response my outer shell had to the situation were the vast amount of fresh tears seeping through my eyes and creating droplets at my chin. With all my might, I cleared my throat and opened my parched mouth as I craned my sunburned neck towards the bronze-haired vampire.

"Edward. Stop," I croaked. The low moan of a voice did not seem to travel far.

But he turned. The look on his face registered shock as his topaz eyes seared into my brown watered gaze. The electric current I missed so dearly in the several months without him near me blew in my direction at full force. Had I not been already on the floor, the energy would have knocked my off my feet. A smile of relief and utter joy crept onto his face, as I'm sure did mine. For a time, neither of us spoke. Minutes must have passed before I realized I still was lying on the floor. Edward was still as a statue and had not placed his half sparkling leg back into the shadows. I mouthed my love for him and his smile became larger. Everything could go wrong on this day and it wouldn't matter as long as he was safe and smiling at me the way he was now.

My entire body seemed to melt with relief. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the cloaked figures lessen their perched stance of attack. A smile was stuck on my face. It didn't seem to want to disappear any time soon.

But fate was never this easy. Fate always challenged love. Our love.

A scuttle appeared behind Edward. A crowd of tourists with cameras in hand began to vie for a clearer view of the clock tower as the sun began to position itself right above the monolith. The sight was utterly awe-inspiring. Soon, a mass mob of shouts ensued and a large collection of pushing and shoving came into effect.

An elbow jutted out and knocked Edward from his already unstable balance. The leg already in mid-air swiftly cracked down onto the cobblestone, creating an audible cracking sound over the crowd. Heads swiveled in his direction and loud gasps filled the square.

There stood a shining Edward dazzling in the sun. Beneath him lay crumpled pieces of what was once cobblestone. All that was left had become rubble. The look of horror registered on his perfect faces when he realized what he had done. The slightly relaxed figures in the dark were now in full motion, swiftly making their way through the shadows at a slightly unnatural pace, but enough to fool passersby of simply men running along the square.

By now, all heads were turned to the sparkling man in the middle of the square. The look of shock and awe appeared on many faces in the crowd.

My head became dizzy. My mind had created a hazy fog in the seconds that the impossible had happened. My ability to run and shout was simply beyond me at this point. Shock was slowly seeping in to my body.

I felt a tug at my leg and a tight grip pulling me towards the shadows. I glanced over at the grasp to find Alice, eyes full of impossibly unshed tears and a look of knowing depression on her face. She had seen what was to come. The great sadness in her eyes said a thousand words, but they all pointed to the end of Edward. The end of my life.

"I'm so sorry Bella. We tried so hard," squeaked Alice. The pain in her expression was hard to swallow and take in.

"No," I whispered.

Almost instantly, I gained some unknown energy or momentum. I kicked the leg that Alice had taken hold of in an attempt to free myself of her grip and rush to Edward's side. But it had hardly any impact against her steel grip. Alice pulled me into the shadows. It seemed she knew I'd be struggling as well. Dry sobs wracked her body as she was shaking throughout her grip on me. My sobs were anything but dry, and the pain in my chest seemed to fuel the internal screams my insides endured.

Almost blindly, I started screaming. Screaming for Edward, for us. For the Volturi to stop their paces toward him—it wasn't his fault. It was my own. My own stupid fault. If I had been even a little less klutzy, he would be safe, with me, in my arms. Alice was cradling me to her chest and rocking me slowly back and forth, trying to calm me, but it was no good. I struggled against her, the newly reopened hole on my chest fueling a new set of strength as I kicked and thrashed against her. It was still no match for her grip on me.

The ache that had only seconds before been somewhat eased had been torn open again. The pain was worse than any pain I had ever endured in my life. It felt like someone had sliced open my chest and was twisting and wringing my heart of any life it might have had left. My hands wrapped around my chest, like my arms alone would be enough to hold me together and keep me from falling apart. It didn't help.

"EDWARD! NO!" I sobbed. Our eyes once again found each other and the screaming in my head continued to develop a hazy sensation in my mind. Tears were falling out of my eyes like a never-ending fountain.

"I'm never going to leave you, Bella. Always and forever. I promise," Edward shouted, his voice cracking once. It was the only time I had ever heard his voice flawed. It sounded like he was near tears; he knew what was coming as well as Alice and I did. He began to make his way toward us. But before he could take a full stride a dark figure pounced onto him, bringing him to his knees. One by one, cloaked men jumped on Edward at full speed and began placing a black shawl over his gleaming body.

"Bella," he chanted.

"Bella."

"Bella."

The screaming began to eat away at my energy. But still, I kept my eyes focused on my love. No matter how horrific it was, I could not divert my attention from the scene. It was like a bad train crash. I knew this image would haunt me, but I couldn't get myself to look away. If I looked away, I wouldn't believe it was real. By now, the dazed and confused faces of the crowd turned into fearful and dreaded expressions once the figures had lunged at Edward. Mad scrambling and loud clambering of feet echoed on the cobblestone as waves of people began to run away from the square. I was faintly aware of screams aside from my own filling the square.

In my last moments of consciousness, all I heard now was my name. The screaming once reverberating in my mind had changed to Edward's velvet voice chanting my name over and over again. My eyes began to dwindle out of focus as darkness tried to take me over. By now, Edward was beginning to diminish his struggle to be captured. The figures seemed much too strong, and their numbers overpowered Edward's strength.

In haste, the black blanket began to cover his body. First his legs, then his waist. All the while, I stared into those deeps pools of honey topaz. I had never seen his eyes so distraught. However horrible this was, a look of understanding and liveliness still stood in Edward's eyes. He arms were latched behind his back and tied and soon covered by the black sheet.

I lost all conception of time in that moment. I lost all realization of Alice next to me, her body shaking. I forgot all the people scurrying away to the gates. The sun beating in the sky and my red neck no longer were remotely part of my focus.

Only Edward's face and the soft chanting of my name were in my head. My mind seemed to memorize his perfect features.

That jaw. The nose. The messy hair. The ears. His luscious lips. The angular face and high cheekbones.

"I'm so sorry," he mouthed to me before the blanket started to cover his face.

Those eyes. They were the last things I saw before the black blanket fully covered his body. Those topaz pools embedded into my mind. The soft chanting resumed and I felt myself being lifted off the ground and hurried to the exit. But I lost all conception.

Just him. And me. Always and forever.

The blackness took over as I lost all consciousness.

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**A/N:** -_Dodges objects thrown by the audience_-. Don't hate us quite yet. We promise it's good. Just give it a chance. Reviews & **constructive** criticism are strongly encouraged. Flames don't count as constructive criticism. We know you're angry, but please don't stop reading yet. I promise it'll be worth it. :) _Until next week_.

-cALLIEfornia BENches.


	3. Fading Colors

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** We were so happy at the response to the last chapter! We were _so_ tempted to post this earlier. But we're on a schedule, and we have to stick to it. But, as horrible as this sounds, we're glad we were able to evoke such emotion from some of you. It's a real ego boost to our writing. :) Enjoy.

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**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

A piercing jolt shot through my body as the darkness my mind was beginning to get used to suddenly disappeared. Almost immediately, my senses regained control and my head screamed out of unconsciousness. I became aware of the silent breaths I stole and the reassuring small movements of my fingers. The world I jerked up to was a stranger to my touch.

I awoke in a dark room. However, this darkness seemed lighter than the one that had been penetrating my thoughts earlier, if darkness could be different shades. The air around me felt muggy and heavy; the humidity surrounding me challenged my lungs to get a full breath. But somehow I managed, as the musty smell seeped into my nose and invaded my already dry throat. I could faintly hear water dripping somewhere in the background. It created the only steady beat while my body frantically began to adjust to the mysterious new setting. _Have I been here before? It doesn't seem like I have. Where am I? Who am I? _

My thoughts were interrupted by a new sensation my body had been trying to distinguish. Something on the cold, hard ground beneath me announced its presence and started to imprint itself into my rigid back, causing me some discomfort. _What is that? It hurts. Why does it hurt? I have to get it out._ ButI couldn't get my body to move. I merely shivered and squirmed slightly. _I'll have to leave it there. It doesn't hurt _that_ bad. There could be worse pains. _

As if someone had punched unexpectedly, all the air I had greedily inhaled moments before whooshed out of my body. I remembered something. Pain. But the origin of this immense throbbing in my chest was unknown. My god, it hurt. I no longer noticed the trivial object indenting its way into my back. That sting couldn't compare to the macrocosmic ache settling in my heart. The intensity of the throbbing emanated to the rest of my body: legs, arms, stomach, and head. _Where did it come from? What ungodly things set this menacing attack on my body? What could I have done to deserve this sort of pain?_

Nausea and a foghorn-strong migraine rammed me with a great force. I couldn't even open my eyes to register what was unfolding around me.._ What's happening?! _I involuntarily shivered once more and a sticky feeling swept over me. It covered my head, my arms, my chest, and my legs. _Damnit_, I thought, _I'm sweating…I think._

My head was elevated, I realized. It was in someone's lap, and unnaturally iced hands were stroking my hair. _Who is that?_ I still could not open my eyes.

"When is she going to wake up?"

"She's awake now, she's just unresponsive."

"What are we going to tell her about Edw—"

"We're not. Not yet, at least. We'll see what she remembers. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news and end up going into unnecessary detail. It's probably better she doesn't remember, anyway. If you had been there...," the voice drifted off, "It was horrible. If I was in Bella's place and that was Jasper—" the voice choked. "I wouldn't be handling it so well if I was her. It's going to be hard enough for her to cope as it is. We don't need to replay that image for her and add fuel to the fire."

Bella. I suddenly recognized that as my name._ Who is Jasper? Are they talking about me? Of course they are, but how does this concern me?_ I winced. The pain that had begun to go slightly unnoticed welcomed itself into my sanctuary of thought. I noticed it as if the throbbing never began to subside. That ache—no, it was much more than an ache—that pulsating wound was obviously aware of what had happened to me. It only seemed to worsen itself when I tried to remember what had gone on. It was as if the pain was punishing me each time I forgot, telling me that I should know what happened. But as hard as I tried, I didn't. _I need to remember._

My eyes fluttered open slowly. My head was resting on a woman's lap. The dark lighting left out much of her features, but I was right about one thing; her hands were incredibly cold and stiff. Had she not been stroking my hair, I would have pronounced her dead or dying. But even through the black-filled air, I could tell she was pretty. Pretty wasn't even close to what I wanted to compare her with. An angel, perhaps? Some ethereal creature? She was so captivating. I couldn't keep my eyes off of the figure, even though they were watering from my nonexistent blinking. I couldn't bring myself to care. As long as I could look at that angel—for angel was the only word in the English language close enough to describe her—watery eyes were not much of a factor. I looked away from her, long enough to see that I was surrounded by two other angels. They were shining brighter in the light than my holder, and I could easily marvel at their features.

They were beautiful. I had never seen anything like them. They were pale, almost frozen in place, and…beautiful. Almost like a statue carved by the most ingenious sculptor in the known world. I envied them immediately, and I had no recollection of what I even looked like. But somehow, I knew I could not look like them. They were too perfect. Too captivating. And I? I had a massive screaming gap in my chest that would not stop flowing rivers of pain into the hole. I doubted any of the perfect creatures had _that_.

But a slow glance at their faces registered otherwise. The two women in my sight held a mourning hunch. Their eyes were misted and overflowing with tears that oddly had not fallen. Their heads were cast down in a stance that should only belong in a funeral home. The man, on the other hand, was rigid. He held a proud pose. And yet, I could tell that he was grieving. They were all grieving in their own way. _But what were they grieving for? _There was something more I noticed in all three angels. There was a glint in their eyes. Something seemed missing. Like a vase without water, they were empty. But at the same time, they seemed full. Void of happiness? But filled with…anger? Mourn? Determination? How could so much be described in those topaz-colored eyes?

Topaz. In a second, it all came rushing back to me. I felt like I had been hit by a bull of information; memories. Its horns went straight into the pain that dwelled in my chest. There was an explosion of internal cries.

Edward.

It took those topaz pools, somber and sullen, to remember. And with this remembrance came the acknowledgement of his fate. I shut my eyes again to try to rid myself of the horrid memory, but it only came back stronger. I could vividly recall the entire scene, now. It was as if I was watching it again, like a movie that was being projected onto the backs of my eyelids. Hot, steamy tears freely flowed down my cheeks.

It skipped and repeated itself over and over again when it got to the part when they covered his face.

I knew those three figures. But moments ago they had been strangers. Because of Edward.

He was my memory, my recollection. My shoulder to cry on. The face I could kiss, the chest I could sleep on, the hands I could hold; he was everything. My everything. With Edward gone, nothing could be remembered. But his face in my head brought everything back. The everything we shared. That everything was broken and shattered now; the glue to fix it was all gone. And in his place stood those three figures: Esme, Alice, and Carlisle.

A whimper escaped my chest and a cold hand wiped away the tears I was shedding. When I opened my eyes again, I had been expecting Esme's motherly touch, so I was a little surprised when I saw that Carlisle was hovering over me.

Now that I got a closer look at his eyes, I realized exactly what had happened. He had numbed himself; rid himself of any feelings or emotions that could possibly make it so he wasn't strong for this family. He had to be the caretaker, and the caretaker had to be strong. But he had just lost his best friend. He had known Edward longer than any of us. There had been a period of time where it was just Edward and Carlisle living together. I was sure he was in a lot more pain than he was ever going to let on.

There just had to be. Because there was decency in this clan. I thought of the traits the Cullen family had; brains, brawn, beauty, agility, grace. And they all pointed to Edward. A tear trickled down to the side of my lips, breaking the spell. I realized what the matter at hand was.

"Where is he?" I croaked, knowing I didn't need to clarify who 'he' was. My voice came out in a raspy whisper that I hardly recognized as my own. I think I knew in the back of my mind exactly what had happened to him, but I refused to admit it to myself. I couldn't prove those horrific scenes reeling nonstop in my head until they had been clarified. Not until it was said aloud, at least. I had to hear it to believe it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said, "The Volturi took him."

"So he's..." I couldn't bear to finish. I clamped my eyes shut, preparing for the answer I knew I was going to dread. Someone grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"No, not yet," Alice said. "He's negotiating."

A small spark of hope ignited where my heart used to be. But immediately, it should have fizzled. The impossible had happened. Alice blinked hard, trying to hold back tears she couldn't cry.

It was almost as if she was the one with the ability to read minds. "Bella, there's no way around it. The Volturi are still going to—" she choked, "He's not going to make it. It's just a matter of time."

I shook my head fiercely in Esme's lap. My hair was becoming knotted tangles, but I couldn't get myself to care enough to stop. They wouldn't kill him; not when it wasn't his fault. He didn't do it on purpose. He's one of the good guys. They would have to believe that. Edward wouldn't want to hurt anyone or expose his kind. He wouldn't do that. The Volturi would have to see what a good man he was. They had to.

Alice's body shook slightly in an attempt to remain calm for me. Her hand squeezed my own so hard, I was almost positive she was going to break the bones.

"Alice," I squeaked in a quiet pain, giving a pointed look towards our hands. She relaxed slightly. The jolt in my chest reminded me of my other pains, and I quickly regretted having Alice loosen her grip. At least the throb in my hand could distract me slightly from the master ache.

"I'm sorry," she said, apologizing both for hurting me and for what she was about to say, "They've already decided that that's what they're going to do. No matter how the negotiations turn out, every decision I see leads to his... death."

I cringed and a small sob left my throat before I could stop it. I couldn't help but notice, though, that the spark of hope in my chest hadn't vanished. "Then what...," I took a deep breath and attempted to soothe my voice over so they could understand me, "What's he negotiating?"

"Your life," Esme said simply. "The Volturi think you know too much."

"Too much about what?"

"Everything. Them, us, our kind in general. They don't trust you to keep the secret. They planned to kill you as well, but Edward's trying to convince them to leave you alive—or, well, not physically dead and buried, anyway," Carlisle explained. "He's trying to convince them to leave you alone, as long as we turn you into a vampire."

"So... You have to turn me into a vampire?" I asked timidly. My body squirmed involuntarily, digging the small particle that was laying underneath me further into my back. I tried again to move my arm and succeeded, so I arched my back and removed what turned out to be a small pointed rock from my back. I curled my fist around it, thankful that there was something for this hand to hold on to, to distract it from the hissy fit I wanted to throw.

"From the looks of it, yes," Alice said. "But we don't know for sure yet. If we don't have to, we aren't going to. It's too much work."

I snapped. "Too much work?!" Anger bubbled into my throat and I raised my arm to chuck the rock across the room.

"Bella, no!"

But I had already thrown it.

Instantly, I regretted my actions. For one, I no longer had anything to hold on to. But foremost, it shot a wave of pain from my shoulder, down my arm, and back through my body before returning back to the source. I let out an agonized cry and tore my other hand from Alice's grip so I could coddle it.

When I glanced down at it, I gasped lightly. It was at least two times its original size, and the color looked anything but normal. The skin was a deep purple-ish blue from my collar bone all the way down to the middle of my bicep. I groaned and rested my head back on Esme's lap. Just another reminder of my failure to save him.

Just another reminder of him, and how alone I was when he wasn't here with me.

"Your shoulder is a mess," Carlisle said, "I fixed what I could, but I'm pretty sure it's shattered. The only thing that will help now is time, and a good sling. I was just looking for a temporary one when you woke up. I think we might just have to end up using my shirt." Without another word, he started unbuttoning his shirt. I glanced nervously at Esme. Carlisle was acting stranger than I had ever seen him. He usually spends time thinking things through and censoring himself and what he says. He seemed so reckless. It worried me more than I would have liked to admit. He was the alpha-male. He always led the group. With him so flustered and at times illogical, any leadership we had was gone.

When I caught Esme's eye, she just shook her head, telling me to leave it alone.

"Later," she mouthed to me when she was sure Carlisle wasn't looking.

"Can you sit up?" Alice said softly, putting a hand on my good shoulder and lifting me slowly into a sitting position, gauging my reaction. I was a little dizzy, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

Carlisle was just finishing unbuttoning his black, long-sleeved shirt and was shrugging it off his shoulders to reveal a white wife-beater underneath. I crossed my legs in front of me for a more comfortable position. He set to work on tying the sling correctly around me so my shoulder would stay in place.

His beauty simply reminded me of Edward. For the first time, I thought the Cullen's ugly. Well, at least ugly in comparison to Edward. My memories of him seemed to amplify his appearance now that he was gone. I couldn't remember him ever being ugly. But the rest seemed plainer than him. Still beautiful. Still angelic. Still ethereal. But not Edward. And that made them ugly.

"So...," I hesitated, a little embarrassed about how I previously reacted to the topic, "Why wouldn't you change me, even if that doesn't turn out to be the negotiation?"

Without my asking, even though I had been thinking it for some time now, Esme gently placed her hand on my bad shoulder. I winced lightly on contact, but was grateful for the ice pack her hand provided.

"We have to flee," she said. "We have to go far away from here. We talked about heading to Alaska. The Volturi are looking for us, especially you, Bella. We feel it necessary to immediately deal with you in case Edward fails to negotiate your life. They're following us right now. We don't have three extra days to wait for your change to be complete."

"Why couldn't we just stay here?" I asked. I knew the only reason I wanted to stay here was to see if we could rescue Edward before they—I gulped inwardly—before it was too late, but I knew they would shoot down that idea. So I quickly thought of another one. "Wouldn't it just be better for us to stay here? I mean, they would expect us to leave. They know we know they're after us. So why not stay in Volterra? The Volturi won't even think to look around their city." Before I had even finished, Alice was shaking her head. It was a lame answer, and I knew that, but it was the only one I could think of on such short notice.

"It wouldn't work," she said. "They've got some of the most advanced Trackers in the world working for them. We wouldn't last twenty-four hours in the city of Volterra."

"How long has it been since...?" I asked quietly.

"Long enough," was Esme's curt answer.

"Too long," Carlisle interjected at the exact same time. He finished tying the shirt around me and sat back on his knees.

"It doesn't matter," Alice said. "The point is, we have to leave as soon as possible. Twilight's only thirty minutes away, and we're leaving then."

"Where are we right now?" I asked.

"Just outside Volterra. We found a cave in one of the hills. We left the Porsche down in the city—it was too flashy. They'd notice a fast yellow car headed for the hills," Alice said to me. There was a twinge of regret in her words at the mention of the Porsche. I felt angrier at that point. I couldn't control my emotions or myself anymore. I felt like a loose cannon. How could she be thinking about the Porsche when her own _brother_ was being held captive by the Volturi and about to be killed?

It was the first time I had acknowledged Edward's fate, and the thought of it made me shudder.

"When did you two get here?" I asked Carlisle and Esme, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm my temper.

"We left not long after you guys did, so we arrived at Volterra about an hour after everything happened." Esme spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully around me, as if she thought letting one wrong word slip would break me. Which, I thought, there was a good chance it would. I didn't even know how on edge I was until Alice brought up the car.

The only thing that was keeping me going now was knowing that Edward was still alive, and he loved me. We would find a way to get through this, I know we would. Our love could survive anything we wanted it to. Couldn't it?

I shuddered once and bit my lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

As if to prevent any further emotional scarring, Carlisle spoke up.

"We need to get going soon. The Volturi are bound to make a decision. It would be wise to be clear the area by the time they decide. For our sake and safety. And for our emotional bounty."

I knew he meant Edward's death. But did he have to say it like that? Did he have to be so incredibly vague? Informality belonged to unimportant things. Edward was _not_ unimportant.

But I kept my thoughts to myself. Not because the timing was inappropriate and others were grieving; time and manners were out of my concern at this point. My voice had dried up and lost all friction for a sound to escape. However, it seemed to fit; What was the use of speaking if there was nothing to speak for?

"…and then we'll head to Alaska. How does that sound, Bella?" asked Alice shakily. I had never heard her soft voice quiver. She seemed so…human. So vulnerable. At this moment, she resembled anything but a vampire. I felt a wave of strength pulse through me at the small sliver of equality in the room.

"Let's go. I don't want to stay here. We have to get going anyway, and leave Volterra." That would mean I would have to leave Edward. I would be saying goodbye while he lay on his deathbed. The small band of strength left me and I began heaving dry sobs as they wracked my body. This was goodbye. Something I never would have wanted.

"Come on sweetie," whispered Esme. "I'll carry you while we run. Just fall back asleep. We'll be away and safe before you know it."

I was anything but safe. To be safe was to be in his arms and smiling, laughing. The Volterra would not exist. Those things would make me safe.

Slowly, I felt myself being gingerly carried into her arms. Through my blurred vision, I saw Carlisle and Alice begin trotting ahead. Esme followed, cradling me in her arms. It wasn't long before my eyes could make out a tiny dot of white light ahead.

It seemed like forever until we reached the edge of the light. The sun outside was beginning to set. The air was almost as heavy out here as it was inside the dark cave. But I looked up and saw the few scattered clouds streaked with a pink hue from the sun. It was absolutely breathtaking. My face marveled at the sight in awe.

Of course I had seen pink skies before. But never had I come to the conclusion that Edward would join those clouds high above the skies. God would welcome him wholeheartedly. I was sure of it. Because Edward never hurt anyone. He only loved. All he knew was to love.

"Bye Edward. It will never be the same," I whispered. Esme must have heard. Her breath hitched and a dry cough escaped her throat. I went on. "And you were wrong. You always will exist."

And with that, I blinked. It didn't surprise me that everything lost its luster after that. Those skies I marveled at lessened in their sheen. The three faces stealing glances in my direction no longer became angelic.

I looked at my hands. They too, had lost their rosy complexion. The strands of brown, thick hair on my shoulders faded into a straw-like appearance.

Twilight was just beginning. The pink skies disappeared and a dark blue hue was dotting the horizon where the sun had lowered only minutes ago. The trees blended with their shadows, and the nighttime air coupled with a new breeze to lessen the humidity. I heard various howls and barks in the shadows.

Twilight had come. And it never looked so dull.

The vampires by my side nodded heads and swiftly picked up speed. Images molded and blurred by as we whizzed through the trees.

The dull ache in my chest pounded ferociously through my body. Waves of pain washed over me. I had never experienced such a pounding of throbs at one time. I winced with each hurl of lashings my chest was inflicting upon myself. _MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT GO AWAY!_ I wasn't sure if I was screaming this out loud or merely thinking it. But I kept chanting it, over and over. It was the only coherent sentences my brain could form. _MAKE IT STOP! Make it stop! Get it to go away! Do _something.

I was growing exhausted, and my breaths were heaving in and out so fast, it couldn't have been healthy.

_Make it stop. Please._ I was begging myself at this point. I was willing to bargain almost anything to get this pain to stop. Anything. _Please_.

But it wasn't going away. I was writhing in Esme's arms, and I'm sure I wasn't making it easy for her to hold on to me. But I couldn't stop. I wasn't intentionally making it hard for her; I wanted to stop more than she did.

_Make it stop... Get it away. Please. Make it stop... Please..._

My muscles were clenching and unclenching themselves without my consent. To any onlooker, I'm sure I must have looked like I was having a small seizure.

CRACK

With one final muscle spasm somewhere in my chest, the pain subsided. A groan left my lips and the sweat was wiped off my brow by a chilled hand. I knew what had happened. I was already prepared for this to occur, just not this soon:

The hole had opened all the way up. There was nothing protecting it anymore. It was an open wound, gaping for the entire world to see. And the only thing that could fix it was going to be taken from me. Taken from this planet.

And it was completely my fault.

It was all my fault that the only thing that could keep me together right now was becoming a distant object in the scenery behind me, never to be seen again. I was sure that my heart would never beat correctly again, if at all.

I felt completely helpless, as I lay limply in Esme's arms, the feel of wind whipping my hair around into my face. Esme rounded a corner, and I watched as Volterra faded into the hills, into the sunset, into the shadows. It was just a distant memory; a once upon a time.

I felt the slight breeze graze my skin and I flinched.

I was right. It would never be the same.

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**A/N:** For future notice, as soon as chapter three is posted (next week), we'll be taking a few weeks break so we can let the hype of _Breaking Dawn_ die down. But we'll be back—promise! We still have so far to go. Also, it's already been decided that there will be a sequel to this story, but it won't be for a very, _very_ long time. We've also planned a few one-shot spin offs, to come as the story progresses.

Review and you'll get a paragraph or two of next week's chapter! (You've got to be logged in, though, or else we have no way of sending it to you.)

_Until next week,_

-mALLIEbu BENedryl.


	4. Imperishable Ties

**Disclaimer: **We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** Who's totally pumped for _Breaking Dawn _tonight/tomorrow?! I know I am. And I know Ben would be, were he in the United States. Haha. I made a wicked awesome shirt to wear to the opening tonight. I can't wait to wear it. :) So, this chapter is our longest chapter yet. It's also my (Allie's) favorite chapter, so far. No joke, this chapter is like my baby. I'm completely in love with it. So without further ado...

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

The steady whirling of the wind on my face prevented my mind from being doused with sleep. Not that I expected to fall into a deep slumber regardless of the gust. Scenes and memories reeled in my head like a romantic horror film; the earlier events in Volterra being the most overplayed scene.

We had been traveling for only a few hours and the first light had not dawned over the horizon yet. Every so often, my vision would flutter with the blurring landscape and my eyes would once again have to readjust to the new scenery. But that was the only instinctual ploy my body played on me.

I tried shutting my eyes and feigning sleep. But the darkness of my eyelids rivaled that of the pitch black sky above, and closing my eyes merely provided a screen for the never-ending movie in my mind.

I refused to even blink. My eyes were wide and blind; looking without seeing.

My eyes dimmed under the moonlight and cascading pictures of the trees whizzed past my sight. In this momentary lapse of flashbacks, my head began to clear. But the immense turmoil in my body came back at the force of a freight train on my mind. Instead of a new reel of the past, I was bombarded with my own thoughts screaming at each other.

The droning of earsplitting wants and needs within my head prevented me from even coming close to sleeping. _I need his voice. I need his embrace. I need his smell to lather up against me. I need to know I'm safe. I merely only want water._ But I couldn't get my lips to form the words to ask for it. I could live with a dry throat. I couldn't live without _him_.

I lay limply in Esme's arms as she ran through the thick forest. I probably should have held on around her neck as she cradled me to her chest, just to secure my place in her arms, but I didn't care. Part of me wanted to fall and hit the hard ground below us at a death-defying speed; anything that would distract me from the pain that the gaping hole in my chest was providing.

_Bella, that's stupid and you know it_, my own voice said to me inside my head. The hole opened a little wider when I realized it was no longer Edward's voice that was soothing me when I thought of something dangerous. It was my own. He was gone.

_It's not stupid_, I argued with myself.

_The only thing that will make the ache go away is Edward. Hurting yourself in the process isn't going to get you anywhere. What would Edward think if he could hear your thoughts right now?_

_Technically, he can never hear my thoughts_, I mocked myself. This was getting ridiculous. I was talking myself. In my head, no less. I was going crazy.

"Bella," Esme's voice tore me from my thoughts. I couldn't get myself to acknowledge that I had heard her. She went on anyway, "Bella, please get some sleep. Please. Your body is tired. And with good reason; you've had a long day."

I nearly scoffed out loud. That was putting it mildly. Let's see her lose Carlisle and try to relax. _Then_ she can talk to me about sleeping.

_That was low, Bella. You know you wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone._

I immediately felt guilty for my thoughts. It wasn't Esme's fault Edward was gone. It was my own. If I should be mad at anyone, it should be myself. There was no need for me to be hostile towards her. She just lost a son today. This had to be tough on her.

_Extremely_, I reminded myself, _Don't forget that the reason she's a vampire is because she lost a child._

I mentally slapped myself on the wrist. It didn't even occur to me that this might be haunting her as well. I had no right to get angry when she was just trying to be considerate.

"Bella, can you hear me?" she asked. I kept my eyes anywhere but hers, afraid she would see right through them and feel disgusted by me. "Sleep, Bella. It's what he would have wanted."

I cringed inwardly when she brought him up. I knew he would be asking the exact same thing of me if he were here.

_But he's not_.

_Humor me_. His familiar phrase rocketed through my brain, even though it had been said in my own voice. That only made it hurt that much more. But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, no matter how much my body wanted it. I lacked the will power to subject my body to such horrors.

The next few hours were a blur; all I remembered was an airport, staring out the window as a flight attendant pushed a bag of peanuts in my face, and Alice, who had been sitting next to me, telling her I was tired. Next thing I knew we had landed somewhere else—it had to have been somewhat near to Italy, because the flight wasn't as long as it should have been if we had been headed back to Port Angeles.

Next thing I knew I was being cradled in Esme's arms again as we ran off into a dense forest, just as the moon made it's descent toward the horizon. When we were fully submerged in the darkness that the cluttered trees would provide, we slowed. Dawn would soon approach, yet it was still dark. It was always the darkest before dawn.

I was vaguely aware of soft voices talking around me, but I didn't hear what they were saying until Esme leaned down and whispered in my ear, "We're here, Bella. We're in London."

My body became rigid as I realized we had already traveled such a great distance. Slowly, I uncurled myself from the huddled stance I had been in while in Esme's arms. I could already feel the soreness and the tense spasms of my muscles. _I should have stretched more. _Carefully, so as to not create more pain in my shoulder, I craned my neck over the crook of my carrier's arms and looked into the dark horizon.

Carlisle and Alice were perched ahead of Esme and I. But what astounded me was the bright skyline of London. Lights flashed and moving objects shined small dots in my view. The city was always in motion. As never-ending as it was timeless and beautiful. Just thinking such thoughts had me drifting back to Edward; more timeless and beautiful than London could ever be. And little to no one could understand this meaning of never-ending. At least, that was before the incident at Volterra.

The water surrounding the view held onto the lights gleaming off the huge towers. There, it greedily lit up the harbor with the shared illumination. The shimmer gave way to the numerous boats, yachts, and other marine vessels.

**_Ding_**

My eyes quickly darted left and right across the view for the sound until I caught on to the noise. Big Ben, the old monolith of a clock, and the symbol of the metropolis, began chiming. _4:00. _It had only been seven hours since we had departed from the murky cave, and yet I seemed to be wallowing in my misery for a little over eternity. A numbing chill shot through my head and simmered to my legs as I realized that I would suffer this gloom until I lay on my deathbed.

I finally understood Edward's predicament; he was indeed damned. Damned to infinity of lackluster sunsets, an eternity of high school (I gulped at the thought), an endless enduring of nights and days. They were all compressed together into one giant ball of grief and pain.

My weary eyes scanned the scope of anything I might have missed while dwelling in my mind. Nothing. Just as the sunset had dulled back at the cave, the luminescent moon shone with the feeblest radiance and the busy lights of London annoyed the senses rather than rewarded it.

I had always wanted to visit London; ride the double-decker red buses, experience Buckingham Palace, and perhaps purchase a few books for my excuse of a collection.

But now I scowled at myself for even imagining the prospect of venturing into the city. It seemed too loud, even from afar. And it was in the wee hours of the morning! There were too many people to notice me gnawing at my insides. And there was certainly no Edward waiting for me at the city's entrance. _Three strikes, London. You're out._

Esme had given me the notion that there was actually something to see when she woke me up from my deep, depressed slumber of sorts. All there seemed to be now was an incessant ringing from the clock perched high above the buildings.

"How is she?" Alice's voice asked. I noticed now that at some point I had been set down and heaped against a tree.

"Not well," Esme said. "She hasn't said a word since we left. She refuses to sleep. I don't even know if she hears me when I'm talking to her. I don't even know if our Bella's in there anymore."

"I think our Bella left herself in Volterra," Alice said. "Emotionally, at least. She'd probably have stayed physically if we hadn't forced her to come with us." She clucked her tongue. If I hadn't known any better, I'd bet she was shaking her head at me as well. I didn't tear my gaze away from the city of London to check.

_Stop pitying me!_ I tried to shout to the two of them. But nothing came out; my mouth didn't even open a fraction of an inch. _I don't want your pity. I don't want your comfort. I want to be alone._

I felt the leaves next to me shift and used all of my will power to get myself to shift my gaze to see what it was. Carlisle had sat down next to me, the side of his arm touching my sling. One glance at his face told me he was as vacant of emotions as Esme and Alice claimed I was.

_I wonder if his emotions were left back in Volterra, too. I hope they're watching over my own, wherever they are._

My muscles decided then that they didn't want to hold me up any longer, and I collapsed my body so it was fully leaning against Carlisle's, my head on his shoulder. This somehow provided a miniscule amount of comfort. Enough comfort that I attempted to close my eyes again.

"Bella," Esme said. My eyes snapped open and started watering, aching for the moisture of my eyelids. I was pretty sure that was the first time I had blinked since I woke up in the cave. "We need to explain to you the plan."

I blankly stared at her.

"You and Carlisle are going to get on one plane—one to Seattle. And then—"

"Esme?" Alice asked.

Esme looked behind her at the short pixie.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to put those two together? I'm not sure either of them can function without someone helping them."

"I function fine," Carlisle spat from beside me. I could feel his voice vibrating from where my head lay.

Alice ignored him. "I think you should go with Bella," she said to Esme, "and I'll go with Carlisle. You've got the motherly touch I think she needs right now."

Esme beamed at her for the compliment, the current situation pushed aside for a small moment. She quickly shook her head once, as if to clear her thoughts, then nodded at Alice. "Yes, I think you're right. That's a much better idea." She turned to me. "You and I are going to take a plane to Seattle. From there, we're going to take another plane to Juneau, and then run to Denali. Okay?" She waited half a beat for my response before giving up. She sighed, frowned, and straightened herself so she was standing.

Alice stepped forward and knelt down in front of me. "In order to confuse and divert the Volturi as much as possible, Carlisle and I are going to take a different set of flights. Airports are always busy and bustling with human scents. They won't know which airplane we got on, especially if there are two scents leading in two different directions. It'll be enough to confuse the Volturi, if only temporarily.

"Carlisle and I are going to take a flight from London to New York City, then to Juneau and Denali. Our flight will be a little longer, so we're going to meet you guys there, as are Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper. They're going to bring some clothes and necessities for everyone," she added, nodding towards both Carlisle and Esme. "I think that's all?"

Esme nodded curtly. "That's all she needs to know. For now, at least. The Denali coven knows we're coming, right?"

"Yes," Alice said, "I called them in the cave before you guys got here. They're expecting all six vampires and Bella."

_And Bella_, the thought echoed throughout my head, bouncing and reverberating off the walls like someone threw a rubber ball into an empty, spherical room.

A silence stretched taut through the area, and I wondered if I was the only one that felt it. It was the kind of silence that wasn't comfortable, but wasn't necessarily uncomfortable either. It was the kind that made you want to scream and shout and yell and do anything to break it, because it just didn't feel right. Both Alice and Esme were gazing at the ground beneath them and I was positive I wasn't the only one holding my breath.

A slight breeze was the one to break the silence when the rest of us refused. It quietly rustled the leaves and dirt on the ground.

Alice finally spoke. "You think she'll be okay?"

"With time, sweetie. With time."

_NO!_ I wanted to shout. _No, I won't. Time is a poor excuse for people to use to try make things go away. Edward's already_ gone_. Time won't solve anything this time..._ My chest constricted and I had the sudden urge to rip off the watch that was sitting lazily on my left wrist.

I attempted to take a deep breath to soothe my newfound anger.

I had only mildly succeeded when Esme leaned down and quietly whispered to me, "We must get going if we're to catch the Red Eye to Seattle." I blinked in acknowledgement, whether she understood the signal or not.

She picked me up and cradled me into her arms, my bad shoulder resting against her chest and automatically relieving a slight amount of pain I had either forgotten about or gotten used to.

It was a short and silent run to the Intercontinental airport. I could immediately tell when we arrived, simply by the wall of noise I was struck with as soon as the automatic doors opened for us.

I could only imagine what we looked like; three insanely beautiful people—one of which carrying a girl with a sling made from a shirt like a groom would carry his bride across the threshold—looking tired and forlorn, grieving for a reason unbeknownst to the swarms of people surrounding us. The people would stare, wondering how something so beautiful could look so terribly sad, and have a fleeting thought to go and comfort them, but the instincts in the back of their mind telling them it was a bad idea. They would move on.

They'd move on, not knowing that the love of my life, Greek god, Edward Cullen was facing death as we spoke.

I squirmed and writhed at the thought, and Esme mistook this as me struggling to stand on my own, so she set me down. My knees immediately buckled beneath me and both Alice and Esme slung their arms around my shoulders in an attempt to hold me up. Alice nodded once to Esme and she reluctantly let go and dragged Carlisle in line to get tickets for them both.

Alice helped me walk over to a waiting area and sat me down on an uncomfortable, worn and torn leather seat. My back protested at the lack of comfort, but was quickly shut down by the rest of my body.

"Bella," she said, running one of her cold, marble hands up and down my arm in what she assumed was a comforting gesture, but in reality was just making me cold. I shivered and she snatched her hand back. "Bella, it'll be alright," she said. I should have felt better, hearing this statement from a psychic, but the tone of her voice was shaky and sounded as if she was trying to convince herself of the same thing.

_You need water. Ask Alice for something to drink_, I told myself. I managed to get my mouth open slightly, but when I tried to speak, nothing came out. I closed my mouth and swallowed, then tried again. Nothing.

_I can't do it. I can't force myself to get something else when all I want is Edward_, I thought. _It's like at Christmas, when you really want a new car, and so you're afraid to ask for that CD you've been eyeing, in fear that you might actually get aforementioned CD and less effort would be put into getting you that shiny new car._

_I want that car, and I don't want anyone to get distracted in mean time._

My eyes closed as I tried to rush these thoughts out of my mind. I opened them not a second later when Edward's face popped into my head. _That's _it, I thought, _No more closing my eyes_.

A second later, Carlisle and Esme showed up with little strips of paper in their hands.

"You think you can walk on your own, Bella?"

_I don't know_.

Alice supported me under my shoulders while Esme pulled my good hand so I could stand. I wobbled for a few minutes before steadying myself enough to stand on my own. Alice nudged the back of my right thigh so I could take a step forward. I did so, somewhat unsteadily, but I managed.

I took another step forward without falling. I felt like a toddler taking their first steps, surrounded by their family, cheering them on whenever another step was successfully managed.

I had a feeling I looked somewhat drunk in the way I was walking, but I was walking, and I think that relieved Alice and Esme of some explaining that they'd have had to do when we got to security.

We got through the airport and security without any problems and continued to the gate. Esme's and mine came first.

"Have a safe trip," Alice said, hugging me. I couldn't lift my arms to hug her back. "You'll be okay," she whispered into my ear, "I know it. Everything will turn out okay."

I had a hard time believing her.

Carlisle and I exchanged somewhat painful looks as our goodbyes while Alice and Esme gave each other brief hugs. It was painful to watch Esme and Carlisle part. When Esme reached out to hug him, his eyes clamped shut and he buried his face in her neck. It was the first sign of emotion I had seen him show all day, and it nearly brought me to tears.

_Love._

It was the only emotion he could show. I lost all hope of getting better. I didn't have the love of my life to portray this emotion to.

Before I was aware of what was happening, the world around me started to spin and someone caught my arm and sat me in the nearest seat. Alice, of course.

"Be good," she said. And then she and Carlisle vanished into the crowd.

Esme hadn't even sat down before the announcer came over the loud speaker and asked for all first class members to please board the plane. Esme grabbed my hand and supported my back as she led me over to the gate and handed the airline workers our tickets, and then through the gate and into the first-class section of the plane.

_Of course_, I thought sarcastically.

Esme gave me the window seat again and I immediately rested my head against the window staring out onto the dark night outside. It was nearly pitch black outside now.

I don't remember others boarding the plane, the emergency exit demonstration, or take-off, but somehow we were in the air now. A glance around the airplane told me that everyone was asleep. There was the occasional insomniac (or vampire, in Esme's case) that was still awake, but most of the plane was dark with the exception of the lights lighting the aisle.

My head slumped back to the overly-cushioned headrest and stared at the design of the fabric covering the seat in front of me. My eyes followed the pattern in an attempt to entertain myself.

It wasn't working as well as I'd have liked.

"Something to eat or drink?" the flight attendant asked politely to Esme and myself with an overly cheesy smile.

"Two ice waters please, and some peanuts," Esme said. The woman filled up two plastic cups with ice and water and handed one to me with a small purple package and a napkin before handing the same things to Esme.

As soon as the cart and the woman were pushed out of earshot, Esme looked at me. "Bella, sweetie, please eat or drink something," she said, pushing her cup and peanuts over to me.

I concentrated hard on them, my brow furrowing in the process, before reaching and grabbing one of the cups of water. _No, no, no, no, no_, my voice chanted in my head. _Think of Edward. You need Edward more than this water_.

_As true as that may be, you need water as well_, I argued with myself,_ You can do it. Just a sip..._

I picked up the glass, my hand shaking violently. Esme put her own hand on top of my own to slow the shaking and led the water to my mouth. I somehow pried my lips apart and put the cup to them.

As soon as the water hit my tongue, I wanted more. I felt like I had just found an oasis in the middle of the desert, and I couldn't get enough. I gulped down the water as well as a few ice cubes before Esme took it away from me and gave me the second cup. It was gone within a few seconds.

Esme opened a package of peanuts and held them out to me. I eyed them warily.

It was at that moment that I remembered something Edward once said to me. _As long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly_.

I snatched the peanuts from her hands and devoured both packets in a matter of minutes. My stomach growled at the food that it was now trying to digest, having been empty for so long. I couldn't remember the last time I ate.

My head rested back against the headrest and I turned it towards the window, watching the unchanging darkness pass by the window.

"Bella," Esme said quietly, "Now that you've had some food and water, I think we need to talk about a few things."

I turned my head so I was looking at her. I silently started praying that she wouldn't start talking to me about _him_. I wasn't sure if I could tolerate someone else telling me that I would be okay when, clearly, I wasn't.

She took that as her cue to keep going. "It's about Carlisle." I let go of a breath I didn't know I had been holding. "I really think you two should talk. He's going through a similar amount of pain as you right now. Granted, it's a different kind of pain, but you both loved Edward the most of all of us." My finger twitched when she said his name. She lowered her voice so no eavesdropping passengers could hear her, "You have to understand, Edward and Carlisle have a closer relationship than anyone else in the family. Carlisle was alone for over two hundred years before he changed Edward. He was completely by himself. Can you imagine being alone for two hundred years?

"So when Edward came along, Carlisle savored this relationship. It was the first time he had someone to talk to, to entertain. He was the one that took care of Edward not only during his change, but when he was having a really hard time coping with all the voices in his head.

"I'm sure Edward never told you this story, but Carlisle once told me that Edward had an impossible time adapting to his power. He said about a week after his change, he heard Edward calling out.

"'Make them stop! Get them away! Make them go away!' he had chanted." I shuddered when she told me this. That was too close to what I had been saying earlier that night when we left the cave. It was eerie that the thoughts were so similar. "Carlisle rushed up to his room to see what was happening, and found him curled in a corner, his hands pressed so fiercely to his ears that not even Carlisle could pry them away. If his hands had been around anything else, his newborn strength would have shattered them to dust in a heartbeat. Carlisle spent a full day coaxing his hands from his head, and then an entire week working with him to dull the voices.

"These two have a hundred years together under their belt. Edward knows Carlisle better than even I do. And vice versa. Their bond was stronger than any human's could possibly be." Her use of the past tense didn't escape my notice. "Over a hundred years of friendship. Not even identical twin siblings can be that close.

"Carlisle's best friend is gone. And I'm not sure he knows how to react. There's a part of him that's attached to Edward, and has been for a third of his existence. Now that it's gone, I think he feels like he's headed back to the loneliness that he had before he had Edward."

_But he has _you_. He has the love of his life. How could he feel alone right now?_ I wanted to voice the words, but I couldn't.

As if she read my mind, she replied, "That's why we all have to be there for him right now. We have to remind him that he's not alone, that he has a family. We're here for him."

I took a deep, shaky breath, the air entering my lungs scraping against the walls of my throat and chest. I cringed, and when my eyes closed, they refused to open again. I'm sure my eyes were beet red from the lack of moisture. I could feel the water rising up to them formed tears that stung. A tear spilled over, but it wasn't because I was crying. It was simply because my eyes were dry.

"Bella, darling, can you try to sleep now?"

_No, no, no. I won't sleep until I have my Edward._

But my body had a different opinion. Exhaustion took over and made my eyelids heavier than a lead brick. No matter how hard I tried to open them, they refused. The movie started playing again, and I fought as hard as I could to open my eyes. I felt like I was being subjected to torture. Like I was being held down in chains and forced to watch the death of the one I loved.

Maybe if I fell asleep, the movie would stop. My attempts to open my eyes abruptly stopped and I focused all my efforts on sleep. It didn't take long. Before I knew it, I was in a deep slumber.

Seconds ticked by and my eyes flickered open in an abrupt manner. _I knew I couldn't sleep, _I told myself. _There's just no way I can escape the grief so easily. _But I instantly doubted those previous thoughts once my eyes scanned around me.

I was no longer sitting somewhat comfortably in the first-class section of the airplane. I could tell I was still on the plane. _Had Esme moved me to a new seat? Where am I?_ My head swiveled to the left where Esme was supposed to have taken a seat in the plane. But Esme was nowhere to be seen. My arm gripped the armrest tighter and I gasped when I realized I no longer wore the sling and that my arm bore no marks of injury. _A miracle? _All there was were empty cabin seats, and me. I was all alone.

I shouldn't have slept. Where is everybody? Did Esme leave me? Am I that much of a hassle?

Of course I was. In anger and self-loathing, I had banished the comforting presence the Cullen's had tried to bestow upon me. With Edward gone, I was nothing but a pest. _A distraction._

Before I could register another thought, my arms became cuffed into the armrests at my sides and the plane, floor, and all the seats except my own disappeared into an evident darkness. Latched onto the seat, only fear registered through my eyes until I found my voice.

"HELP ME!" I screamed. But my voice quivered with my obvious fear and the noise I tried to create from my parched throat traveled nowhere. _I must be dreaming, I must be dreaming. _I continued to chant reassurances in my head. But I only half-believed it; So much had happened in my life, and in the past day or two. I would have believed anything.

Suddenly, an odd sense of calm rushed over my body. _What a familiar feeling, _I thought. This relaxation felt forced however, and my head viciously began fighting with overwhelming tranquility exerted upon me.

_Jasper?_ I questioned. But a glance around me told me I was still alone.

Before I could begin to protest, however, my mind too began to numb. I was vaguely aware of my rebellion. It seemed as if my entirety gave itself up. _I need this. I haven't felt this relaxed since…_

Almost upon thought, a flash of bronze whirled past me, followed by an overwhelming scent. My mouth watered at the smell, and my eyes watered from the electric color bustling through my view.

As if an anesthetic coursed through my veins, I felt the odd sense of calm once again. I was simply putty in the chair. Nothing more.

Shades of orange and bronze skipped past my eyes, dancing in the darkness and fiddling with my mind. Screams and shouts echoed off the invisible walls in the shadows, and the occasional arms or legs flew feet from me. A hand shot past me. A cold, marbled stone, white hand brushed inches from my face.

There was that scent again. But my dizzy mind couldn't put two and two together. So many images and so many colors continued to play with my mind, but none of it made sense.

Another earsplitting scream bounced off the walls and into my head, and the hand that had grazed me fell to the floor with a pronounced thud. My eyes couldn't move away from the detached limb feet away from me at the base of the chair. I sat there with wide eyes, mesmerized and in shock.

A whirl of orange hair jolted toward me. My body instantly cowered within my restraining chair, slumping back as far as the recliner would go. I couldn't escape.

A whimper fell out of my mouth and a haughty laugh boomed out of the orange ball.

Slowly, the ball lowered toward the struggling hand, which had now turned to a brownish tinge. The hair instantly turned to a heating fire, landing dead on atop the hand. The most anguish scream of all filled my head and shivered through my arms. I shut my eyes in an attempt to silence the yelp.

And it stopped.

_What was that? Why has it stopped? _I couldn't stop shaking.

I opened a sliver of my closed eyes to survey the scene in front of me. The hand and ball of fire was nowhere to be seen. A gush of relief left me and I used my shoulder to wipe the sweat off my brow. All was well. It was over. I could relax and there would be no more orange flames and no more dancing colors.

But I was still left in the darkness and the cuffs to the chair hadn't been released. My torturer was gone and dead; but he had the keys to my freedom. I sat there for what seemed like hours. For the first time, my mind drew a blank _This is quite refreshing. I have a clean slate for a mind. No more screams and no more colors. _I tapped my foot earnestly awaiting my release.

Off to the corner of my eye, a glint of golden yellow shined despite the absence of light. I swiveled myself ever so carefully toward the shimmering color. How curious; the bright glow belonged to a thin, silk-like line.

It is so pretty. For such a small thing, there is such a vibrant glow.

The blazing string slowly floated toward me, stopping just in front of my face. My breath hitched and my eyes focused on the object ahead of me. The blinding golden yellow color of the string had me squinting to properly see.

I sat there mesmerized by the sheer simplistic beauty of the small string. Out of all the previous images during my time in the darkness, this small line of thread captivated my attention the most. There was something familiar about its glow, like a life or a person I once knew.

It was so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Not that I wanted to; it dazzled me to no end.

A silver flash glided through the darkness. I didn't realize what it was until it got close enough to the golden thread. A gleaming, clean pair of scissors suspended by the darkness approached the silk, cautious of any movement to scare away the string.

If I hadn't been holding my breath from the beauty of the glow, I was definitely not breathing by now. _No. Don't cut it. Don't cut the only beautiful thing I have. It's mine! _Almost on cue, the scissors defied my internal woes and inched their sturdy, sharp teeth-like clippers toward the soft thread.

I never realized I could withhold my lungs of air for so long as the jaws of the machine soared to the feathered string. The scissors had a mind of its own and chomped at the air like a predator warming up its teeth for the kill. One final swivel of the edges and the scissors opened its mouth. A quick jab toward the silk and the weak fiber was caught in its grasp. A high shrill erupted the silence of the darkness around.

I was screaming and desperately shoving my hands against the chains that had held me captive all this time. I couldn't let this string die. I couldn't let the light fade. I had to somehow save it, even though there wasn't possibly anyway to do that. I didn't know why I had to save this meek strand from the pieces it would soon become; I just had to.

Through my tear-blurred vision I saw the silver chomp across the thin line of gold.

_NO!_

I let my head fall against my chest and I heaved deep dry sobs as they wracked my body of what little energy I had left. It was gone; the thread was gone. I had no reason to weep for the small line of thread. But I had nothing else to weep for. My mind drew on a blank when I tried to think. The only thoughts were of the yellow strand. It just didn't make any sense.

A loud clang took me out of my thoughts and my cries.

At my feet lay the scissors. The once sturdy handle was now rusted and aged. The silver gleam that once parted my attention became dull and unattractive. Where the jaws of death once stood, a large metal clump of twisted limbs lay. The scissors were beyond repair.

The gold shimmer returned to my eyes and I swiftly shot my head up.

The glow of a still intact strand of gold never looked so bright and enchanting. I was at awe; a David and Goliath of events had just happened. Immediate happiness and relief filled me and a smile crept up at the sides of my face. I winced; it had been a long time since I last grinned and the sudden use of dormant muscles stung my face.

My smile got bigger. And with it came a droopiness of the eyelids and a yawn that escaped my mouth. Slumber took over my body and I felt the cuffs of the chair release its hold on me.

A new darkness filled my void, a warmer black, if best to describe it. And I was happy. The string had survived. All was well.

A snapping of scissors brought me back to reality.

"NO! DON'T LET THEM CUT IT!" I shouted out loud. Someone was trying to hold me down. I thrashed against them. "LET GO OF ME! I HAVE TO STOP THEM FROM CUTTING IT!"

"Bella, shhh, Bella wake up, it's okay, it was only a dream. You're okay. You're safe," a soothing voice cooed.

"Stop!" My body was weak, and no match for whatever was holding me down. My muscles protested when I tried to fight more. "Let go," I said weakly.

"Bella, Bella," the voice chanted, "Shhh, sweetheart. You were having a nightmare. Open your eyes."

I blinked furiously, trying to get my eyes to stay open. They fluttered a while before finally opening and settling on Esme. A confused look covered my face as I looked around me. _Where am I?_

I took in the scenery around me. There were people, lots of people. Most of which were asleep, but those that weren't were staring at me. There was an older woman in a blue uniform and a ridiculous hat knelt down in front of the seat where I was sitting on Esme's lap. She was a flight attendant.

_Oh._ I was on a plane.

"Is she going to be alright?" the woman asked.

"You wouldn't believe the day she's had," Esme explained. "Pretty brutal. She just needs to be comforted for a while. She has really vivid dreams."

The woman muttered something that sounded like "I could tell," before standing and walking away.

"Esme," I croaked. I hardly recognized the weak and hoarse voice that escaped from my lips. "Esme, I want Edward. Where is he?"

Esme closed her eyes and looked as if to be having an internal battle with herself. "He's not here, sweetie."

"Where is he? I want Edward. I need Edward." I didn't care about anything else right now. I wanted Edward to hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay. I wanted him to tell me that everything would be fine.

"He's in Volterra, remember?"

"No," I said, "No, you said I was having a nightmare. That was a nightmare. Edward's okay. Where is he? I want Edward." How could she tell me he was gone? Did she witness the dream I had? It was horrible.

In the dream there was a clock tower and a scorching sun that had burned my neck. There were people everywhere, crowding the small square. And I had been running. Running so fast and then I fell and—I cringed. My shoulder. A glance down at it told me that it was wrapped in Carlisle's shirt. _That's okay, though. I fall all the time. I'm sure I just hurt it doing something else._ And then those eyes. Those beautiful amber eyes, filled with a sadness that no creature as beautiful as him should ever experience.

_That was a dream. Even Esme said so._

Esme spoke quietly. "I'm sorry, Bella. You didn't dream that part." _I thought Edward was the one that could read minds?_

I shook my head stubbornly and climbed off Esme's lap and into my own seat. "No," I said, "Because that would mean...," I trailed off, clicking two and two together. I shook my head.

_Then what _was_ real?_ I mentally went over the dream in my head. I remembered fire. That part had to have been a dream, considering this plane was still in the air and everyone was calm. And the hand? I glanced down at my own appendages and realized they were both attached.

And then there was the string.

I gasped out loud and quickly turned to Esme. "Did they cut it?"

"Cut what, dear?" she asked. She was looking at me like I was somewhat crazy. I didn't care, I had to know if the string was cut.

"They... no... they couldn't cut it. It wouldn't cut," I muttered, thinking out loud.

"What wouldn't cut?"

I shook my head and ignored her question. "We have to go back," I said.

"What?" she looked confused, "Where?"

"Volterra. Please. We have to go back. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to Edward. I just... I want my Edward back. I just want to go back, get him, and come home. Please? We can just get another flight; it's not like you can't afford it. Please, Esme. It's all I'm asking. I just want to see him, if only for the last time. I didn't—" I choked up and cut myself off, "I didn't even get to say goodbye to him or tell him that I love him, Esme. I don't know if I can live with that."

Esme's eyes were filled to the brim with tears she couldn't cry, and she looked away from me. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's just not possible."

"How is it not possible?!" I said, my voice starting to rise.

"Bella, please, calm down. We can't go back. The Volturi is looking for us. If we go back, we won't leave Italy ever again." She was staring at her hands now, folded in her lap.

"Esme," I said. I noticed now something warm streaming down my cheeks. I had no idea how long I had been crying. "Esme, please! I'm begging you. Edward means more to me than anyone on this planet."

She shook her head and didn't look up from her lap. And with that, I fell back into my zombie-like stage, completely defeated. I tore my eyes from her and sat back on my seat with a huff. I didn't even attempt to stop the tears from falling or the sobs that were rocking my body.

_Why do I have to keep reliving that scene? It only hurts more each time I see it, knowing it was completely my fault. And now Esme won't even look at me. I'm ruining everything._

Suddenly something from my dream flashed in my mind; when I was alone on the plane, sitting in a seat all by myself. That's certainly how I felt now. No one could comfort me now. And the only man that could was stuck in Volterra, and was never coming home.

I felt so hopelessly alone.

At that moment, I would have given anything, _anything_ in the world to have Edward next to me, holding me. I wasn't sure I could get through this without him.

_You're going to have to_, I thought. _You're going to have to accept the fact that he's gone now_, I thought to myself, pulling my legs up onto the seat and wrapping my arms around them, setting my cheek on my knees so I could look out the window.

_No, I refuse to believe it. He's Edward. He can get out of anything he wants._

_Not this, and you're going to have to face that sooner or later. Preferably sooner, so you can start to help everyone else. It's not fair that you get to mourn and grieve when it was your fault in the first place._

I sighed and stared out the window, willing the plane to travel faster. I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, but the sun was starting to appear over the horizon, casting a pretty pink shadow over the clouds. I could see land far below us, but I wasn't sure where we were. We couldn't have been far from Seattle.

As if on cue, the pilot came on the overhead speaker. "Please buckle your seatbelts and put your chairs and seats in the upright position as we start to descend to our destination, Seattle, Washington."

My seatbelt wasn't buckled, but I didn't bother. If it really irked them, they could do it themselves. Esme locked my tray upright, her eyes focused on the task at hand, purposely avoiding looking at me.

The plane started to inch downwards and my stomach bit into my throat. I had always hated plane rides, ever since I was a kid. The circumstances now didn't change that. I still dreaded landing as much as always, only now it didn't seem so bad if we crashed. Then maybe I could live in Heaven with Edward. Then I'd be with him.

_You need to stop. You can't give up now. The Cullen's need you._

_They don't, though_, I argued. _I'm just a burden to them now. I'm the pesky human that was attached to the clan because of a rebellious son. Now that the son is gone, babysitting Bella will get old fast. They don't have a reason to keep me around anymore._

_STOP IT. You know Edward wouldn't approve of the direction of your thoughts right now. You _know_ that._

I could hear the flight attendant speaking to me, telling me to fasten my seatbelt and sit normally, but I ignored her and pretended I didn't hear her. Esme didn't say anything either, when the stewardess looked to her for help. It seemed she had given up on me, too. With good reason.

The announcement came on that all flight attendants needed to take a seat, and she walked away in a huff. I watched as we hovered just beneath the layer of clouds, the city rising up towards us with each passing minute.

I jerked involuntarily as we finally lowered enough to hit the runway. The airplane slowed and pulled into the terminal. When it was declared safe, the door to the plane was opened and all the first-class passengers stood up to grab their carry-on bags that were stored in the overhead bins.

I didn't move.

Eventually, Esme lifted me into her arms again. I was sure that this was difficult for her just because it was walking such a fine line between conspicuous and inconspicuous. A look around the cabin told me, though, that everyone else had left.

_Huh_, I thought, _they left quickly. Or maybe time was just passing by in speeding intervals._ I decided not to put much thought into it.

I glanced at Esme and noticed her eyes were everywhere but on my own. A little too quickly for human speed, she started towards the exit. As soon as we were out of prying eyes, she took off at full speed towards Denali.

Part of me wanted to sleep, but I knew sleep would only bring nightmares, and I figured I could do everyone a favor by not having any of those.

I decided to try something else. Maybe, just maybe, if I closed my eyes and focused all my thoughts on the good of our relationship, maybe it would be okay. If I try hard enough, I might be able to focus on the times when he and I were happy.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated all my energy on our first year together. Suddenly, I was in the Forks High lunch room. It was the first time I had ever seen him. I wasn't watching from my point of view, though. I was watching from an outsider's perspective.

I watched myself blatantly ogle him, and then saw Jessica say something to me. My imagination wasn't vivid enough to replay the sound.

As soon as she said that something to me, Edward's focus was no longer on his siblings. He was staring at me, concentrating really hard on something. That something, I knew now, was him trying to read my mind and failing miserably. He looked confused, but immediately snapped his attention to Alice, nodding at something she didn't say.

The scenery around me blurred and changed to a few weeks later at school, Edward and I talking about the conversation I had with Jessica. I was blushing furiously. I could remember this moment as if it was yesterday. It was the first time he told me he had feelings for me. He had said that he cared more for me than I did for him. He was always wrong about that. I didn't think it was possible for one person to love another more than I loved Edward.

_More than I _love_ Edward_, I corrected myself.

The scenery changed again to our meadow, the day he was going to drive me to Seattle. I couldn't hear anything, but he was saying something to me. I smiled at whatever he said, a dreamy look crossing my eyes. His arm was in my hand and I was tracing the purposeless veins that lead all the way up his arms. My eyes were trained on his spectacular, sparkling skin.

His beautiful eyes were closed, but I could remember vividly how topaz they were. He had just hunted earlier that morning in an attempt to resist the bloodlust he faced whenever he was around me.

It changed to a few moments later in that day, and his first attempt at kissing me. He hesitated a moment before fully pressing his lips to my own. I had completely attacked him. Looking at it now, I could see how ridiculous I looked when I attacked him that way.

Another blur had me watching as I curled myself into Edward's embrace in the rocking chair. My face was buried in his neck as I mumbled something to him. I didn't need sound to know exactly what I had said.

_I love you_, I had told him.

He had replied deftly, _You are my life now._

Everything changed again to a brief memory that probably wouldn't have meant a lot to Edward, but meant the world to me. The first time he verbally admitted that he loved me. We were standing outside the baseball field, and I had been angry at him for laughing at me when I had fallen off his back. But he had told me he loved me in such a casual way, almost like it was completely normal. Completely normal for a vampire to fall in love with a human.

The thought still made my heart flutter.

A final blur showed him and me in the hospital. He was leaning over my bed, talking to me. He kissed me once and then laughed as we both watched the heart monitor—my heart monitor—jump and stop.

The effect he had on me was crazy. And he would still have that effect, were he the one carrying me right now. But he wasn't.

My focus was no longer fully set on the good memories, and instead of trying to fight it, I just opened my eyes and watched the scenery pass by. If I had been fully conscious, I would have realized how cold I was, and how being in Esme's arms wasn't helping me. I also would have realized how violently I was shivering, chattering my teeth and provoking aching waves of pain from my shoulder, which didn't like being jerked around.

But right now, my attention was focused completely on Edward. I missed him so much. I wasn't sure how I was going to live without that sporadic heart beat anymore. I was pretty sure my heart didn't beat at all nowadays.

The ache in my chest throbbed, as if to remind me that he was gone.

_I know_, I thought, _I'm completely aware of his absence._

I wasn't sure how I could get by without that unconditional love that he served to me, practically on a platter.

_You were always my life_, I thought, directing all my emotions towards him._ I don't know what to do anymore, now that you aren't here_.

_You try to live. And you wait for me._

Shock registered all throughout my body at hearing his voice. I tensed and clung to these words, not knowing when or if I would ever hear them again. Whether he had simply been remaining dormant in my mind, or if it was merely a one time thing was beyond me.

_Edward!_ I cried.

But only silence followed. It was gone. He was gone. The world around me started spinning, and it wasn't because of Esme's running. I felt as though I could pass out at a moment's notice.

It was at that moment that Esme chose to slow down.

"We're here, Bella. We're in Denali."

* * *

**A/N:** I know exactly what you're thinking. _Wow, cALLIEfornia BENches, I thought you said this was your favorite chapter. It sure seemed like a filler._ And to be honest, this chapter was originally intended to be just that. But as things progressed, it turned out to be one of the most vital chapters to this story. There's massive foreshadowing and symbolism—it's really, _really_ subtle, but there's a sentence in here that will give away a pretty vital turning point in the story later on that you wouldn't actually find out the real meaning of until the sequel. (If that makes sense...) Super creds to Ben for his amazing writing skills on that. If you can guess the sentence correctly, you'll get a secret prize. :)

So this is the last chapter for a few weeks, until everyone gets a chance to read _Breaking Dawn_. But let me tell you, we can't wait to keep going.

Review and you'll get a paragraph or two of Chapter 4! (You've got to be logged in, though, or else we have no way of sending it to you.)

See you in a few weeks!  
We love you,

-BENding tALLIEhassee

P.S. Sorry for the insanely long author's note this chapter. They won't always be this long. :)


	5. Temper Tantrums

**Disclaimer: **We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Hey guys, sorry for the long delay. Vacations on both of our parts made it difficult to get chapters written, and then add in some computer malfunctions, the loss of one and a half chapters, and you get some very frustrated authors. Haha. We really didn't plan on being gone this long. However, its 2 AM our time as I'm writing this, and I can happily say that the chapter is finally done. I can truthfully say this chapter has been in the works for about two months now. It's difficult to write fillers. Hah. Also, pardon any small errors. Ben wasn't able to look over my little addition and, as the author of that little part, it's hard for me to find my own mistakes. Haha. Anyway, keep reading at the end for some exciting news. :)

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

Esme set me down on impossibly hard dirt, making sure I was completely steady on my feet before letting me go.

My eyes remained closed in anticipation for Edward to reappear. The voice inside my head, that velvet soft voice! But was it real this time? Or was it just a hoax, like last time? His voice reeled inside my head, reverberating off the walls in my skull and echoing with an aching force. Confusion began to build up. _This never happened before. _He never called out to me unless there was danger.

_Am I in danger?_

If there was any chance he was still with me, living in my mind, I had to stay alive. I now worked for both of us.

I waited for a new voice once the echoing cleared inside my mind. I stayed hunched with my eyes shut, awaiting something, anything. My thoughts were halted when I heard a small sigh beside me. Esme was patiently waiting for me, I assumed.

I shut off my interest in his voice hesitantly and opened my eyes to a blinding sight.

Snow blanketed the ground every which way I could see. White trees disrupted the hilled horizon of pallid earth, as if pale hands had burst out. The sky appeared just as murky and morose; gray lit the sky so that there was only little light shining the surroundings. Everything about what my eyes had taken in spelled mourn and grief. Tears began to pool around my eyes once again as I began to realize just how much the setting around me reflected my own abysmal and dreary state.

I momentarily shivered through the blazing chill and my breath huffed out in a billow of steam. This cold blanket wasn't what I was used to; it didn't accompany soft words of solace and arms wrapped around my waist. This frost was all too familiar, but the real thing was…

_Gone, gone, gone._

I squinted my eyes to the searing plain picture in front of me and looked over at the vampire patiently standing beside me. I regretted that decision.

Esme hadn't had the courage to look me in the eye since the plane ride. I was a bother, a pest, and a depression meant to be shaken off. I could see in her eyes all of the gentle heartache and sorrow she had to deal with in such a short time. Looking at me would remind her off unpleasant memories.

I quickly shielded my face with my matted hair. _I've placed this troublesome anchor on everyone. I'm no good. I shouldn't even be alive; that alone is an act against fate. _My eyes stung and I hastily brushed the traitorous drops from my face.

_Esme shouldn't look at me. _My appearance most likely shouted death and a lost love. But the course of action she decided to take resounded the loneliness I felt. In the pit of my chest, the silent erratic ticking slowed down. _I'm dying. _

"Esme!" someone gushed, suddenly appearing in front of Esme and giving her a tight hug, bringing me out of my saddening haze. Her dark brown hair hung in spirals down to the middle of her back, contrasting with her inhumanly pale skin. I couldn't look at her eyes, even though knew full well they were topaz, just as the Cullens' eyes were. She was, of course, beautiful. She looked as though she had been Latina when she was a human.

"Carmen," Esme said hugging her back. "It's nice to see you again."

"How are you? It seems like it's been ages since we've seen you guys! Of course, we saw Edward for a few months not too long ago, but I've got to tell you, it isn't the same without the whole family," she said with a smile, resting a hand on Esme's shoulder.

_Ah_, I remembered, cringing only slightly at the memory, _Back when he was trying to stay away from me. Before he had any control over his senses._

And then, just as soon as her smile had appeared, it faltered when she realized her mistake in her previous words. Her hand dropped back to her side.

Edward wasn't coming; the whole family _wouldn't _be here.

"I'm sorry, I've said too much," she whispered, averting her gaze to the cold, hard ground beneath us. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and crossed her arms, clearly uncomfortable.

_Good_, I thought, _Serves her right for bringing him up. _The anger that had boiled into my self-hate lashed out in freedom.

"I've certainly been better," Esme said, going on as if Carmen hadn't said anything at all. "Though Bella here has been through the most. This is Edward's mate, as I'm sure you've heard." She gestured to me without looking my way. I kept my eyes on the ground, packing the snow down beneath my shoe until it was a slippery bit of ice.

Carmen looked over to me abruptly, as if just now noticing my presence. She smiled warmly, but it didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes, which I didn't even have to look at to know were filled with pity. I could have lived without her pity. Or anyone's, for that matter.

"So great to finally meet you," she said to me now, "Though I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances this time around." She held out her hand and I ignored it, not even acknowledging the action. I kept my eyes focused on the ground.

"It's been a rough couple of days," Esme said sadly.

Carmen nodded. "I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. We didn't know Edward half as well as you did and the whole coven's been mourning."

_He's not dead yet!_ I wanted to scream. Instead, I watched my feet as they shuffled the snow around. I saw a spider crawling amongst the white, heading towards the side of my left shoe. When it reached it, it paused for a short moment before crawling on top of my shoe and crossing quickly to the other side. It scrambled away and hid underneath a fallen leaf a few yards from us.

I looked back up to Esme and Carmen before I started to listen back in to their conversation.

"I must say, though," Carmen was saying, "Our Tanya's been taking it the hardest. She took a strong liking to him very early on."

A low growl formed in the back of my throat, making a quiet, angry sound.

_Mine_, I thought, possessively.

Carmen looked at me, certainly surprised I had made any noise at all. She continued, looking at me now, though she was clearly still talking to Esme. "Both Irina and Kate have tried everything they can think of to calm her down, but she's been loudly bawling and complaining for nearly twenty-four hours, now." I glared at her, angry that she seemed to be provoking my already uptight position.

Inwardly, I scoffed. _She has no reason to be upset. Edward never gave her a second glance. What does she have to be so upset about? _She_ wasn't the one Edward loved. _I _was. I _am_._

Esme, as if sensing my anger, quickly changed the subject. "Well," she said, "Won't you show us where we'll be staying?"

Carmen meekly smiled and gestured her hand in the direction of a snowy path, inclining Esme to take the lead.

In my spite of rage, I hadn't noticed the slight incline of white, puffy trees which sloped down a hill. The trees gave way, as I soon realized, to a discreet valley. My mouth dropped at the sight. It was almost as if the whole valley was another world, and I would gladly lose myself in this other reality.

The closer Esme and Carmen traveled down the hill, the larger a shape erected itself from the valley below. I squinted at the object. A house, seemingly large, perched above the white landscape like a castle above the clouds. I felt Carmen stand still by my side as if gauging my reaction to the frosty winter wonderland.

_And to think it was summer._

I was pulled out of my thoughts as we reached a covered driveway to what could only be described as a mansion. The sturdy brick house stood out of the vast expanse like a large red dot on a white map. Its outer décor was surrounded with an assortment of Douglas Firs and various leafless trees, whose branched sticks waved in the sky like trembling bony hands.

There wasn't much to the lawn and front porch. The styling was simple and definitely not eye catching. In fact, the entire house, while in the middle of nowhere and cherry red-tiled in bricks, was in no way flashy. Simple, casual, as invisible as possible. Very vampire…

I shuddered from the cold.

"Let us venture inside before the cold draft freezes you, dear. Strong gusts and the first winter chill is beginning to come in, you know," chided Carmen. I really didn't know what to make of what she said; my thoughts had boxed her out.

Both vampires gracefully flowed toward the front door, with me waddling behind.

As soon as I entered the house and the door shut, a blast of intense heat melded to my body. The blazing warmth was almost unbearable as I managed as quickly as I could to shed myself of my jacket and scarf. Almost immediately, I felt cooler and more relaxed…almost.

My jaw should have made a resounding _thunk _when it made contact with the wooden-floored ground. But luckily, I merely tripped over my shed scarf and fell to the floorboards with an embarrassing _thud_. The contact with the floor was a new; I was usually caught before I shared greeting with the earth.

I quickly scurried to myself up and continued to stare at the house in awe as if nothing had happened. I could have sworn I heard a velvet chuckle.

The entire house was unexpected. While the Cullen house was incredibly white and bright, the Denali Coven dealt with darker creamy tones and warm colors. Red and orange lamps lit an enormous hallway and black spiral staircase. Vases of different shapes and colors sat in the entrance's many corners. Ahead, I spotted a large kitchen, accessorized with numerous hooks stacked with many cooking utensils that were probably only bought recently for my visit. Ahead, I spotted a large kitchen, accessorized with numerous hooks stacked with many cooking utensils that were probably only bought recently for my visit.

I felt even warmer just by looking at the furnishings; the bright colors and creamy walls looked like they trapped heat. But no matter how stifling and welcoming the home brought, I still felt so alone. The unfamiliar surroundings only increased my mourn tenfold.

_But all the same_, I thought silently to myself, _I doubt I'd fare well if I was in a familiar place, either._ I doubted I'd ever be able to be happy in one place if it was without him.

I could vaguely hear a low hum of conversation between Esme and Carmen, who were no doubt exchanging feelings about the house and the furniture. But as soon as it was thought, the buzzing of talk ceased, and an awkward silence placated the entire kitchen in which we stood.

Esme's lips moved without sound. She was saying something to Carmen.

_Damn it, if you have something to say about me, say it to my face._

Her mouth stilled, and as if it was a perfectly choreographed ballet, both women glanced upwards, and then to each other. Carmen's eyes traveled to me, and then back to Esme. I wanted to ask them what was going on, but I couldn't voice my thoughts. I sighed to myself as I leaned against the nearest wall and closed my eyes, exhausted.

"Oh, dear, you must be completely tired," Carmen said.

_Duh_, I thought, _It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that I need sleep_.

"Here, here. Come now and I'll show you to your room."

"I'll come too," Esme said. She darted a glance towards Carmen, who nodded. I felt like I was missing out on some serious joke. However, the two started acting completely normal again as we climbed the stairs to the second story and they started chatting absently about the furnishings.

I followed slowly behind them, watching my feet to make sure I didn't trip again. I couldn't take that embarrassment. And now that no one was kind enough to catch me... I gulped and stared at the floor. It seemed to start laughing at me, as if to say "Welcome back, Bells!"

I opened my ears to listen to what Carmen and Esme were talking about, now.

"You see, we chose this color for the walls because it seemed to warm up the entire hallway, don't you think? Not to mention the fact that this deep orange is Eleazar's favorite color, of course." She chuckled, but it sounded forced.

"It really is lovely," I hear Esme say. This, too, sounded forced. Like she was trying too hard to be optimistic when there was nothing but a grim outlook for the current situation. I could sympathize with her, but at least I had stopped trying.

We were going through a long, narrow hall, now. It really was a beautiful place, and had it been any other situation I would have complimented Carmen on her beautiful home. It was how my mother had raised me. But this wasn't any other situation; it was here, and it was reality. And in this reality, my mouth was bolted shut.

As the doors came and went on each side of me, I wondered where Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were, or if they were even here. They would probably be staying behind one of these doors. After all, how many rooms can a house of five have?

Then, with such a jarring impact that I ended up freezing in my tracks and throwing a hand to the wall to steady myself, I realized something. _I don't care. I don't care because it doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter because I don't care._ It wasn't that I didn't _want_ to care, it was just that I couldn't. My mind refused to focus on any one thing long enough to put any real care and thought into it.

_What's happening to me?_

I shut my eyes forcefully and rested my head against the wall. The cold of the wall felt good on my now sweltering forehead.

Opening my eyes, I saw that Esme and Carmen had stopped walking about fifteen feet in front of me. Carmen was glancing worriedly my way, as if she feared that any moment I would keel over and die, while Esme was busy admiring—or pretending to admire—a painting of what looked like an Alaskan landscape on the wall.

I summoned up as much strength as I could and pushed myself off the wall towards them. _I refuse to faint in front of her._ She was almost as bad as Tanya. A sneer invaded my face at the mere thought. _Tanya_, I thought in disgust. I couldn't believe she had fooled herself into thinking that Edward had even sort of cared for her.

He was mine. He would always be mine. _Always_.

"Are you going to be okay, Bella?" Carmen asked me, putting what she thought was a comforting hand on my shoulder. I ignored her question and simply stared at her hand for a moment before looking up to her. She quickly removed it and clasped her hands together in front of her, as if to remind herself for later not to touch me.

_Good plan_.

She cleared her throat, clearly very uncomfortable, and turned to Esme. "Right this way, we have...," she started. I tuned her out and watched the floor pass by under my feet.

I tried as hard as I could to remember what it was like to be happy. I tried to remember the dizzy feeling I got whenever _he_ was near. The tingling feeling from the very top of my head to the tips of my toes. I couldn't.

My brow furrowed in an attempt to reciprocate the feeling, basing it solely on a few of my happiest memories. I thought about the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach the first time he held me, the first time he called me over to his lunch table, our first date... I drifted off. None of this was working. Every time I thought of a happy memory, I had just as much of an unpleasant one to cancel out the feeling.

One part of me would think about how I felt when he held me, and the other part reminded me what it felt like when he let me go. I was reminded of our first date at Bella Italia, just as I was reminded of how angry he had been not a few moments before that very moment.

I couldn't win.

Just as I was giving up, I noticed Carmen and Esme stiffen. It was only a slight movement, but it was enough to catch my attention. They both continued a conversation, but Carmen had stopped to point something along the wall to Esme, though her quick glances toward the other end of the hall hadn't escaped my notice.

The two of them halted their talking for a single moment. A simple pause in the conversation. That was all it took for me to hear it.

It was a quiet noise, one that would have completely escaped my notice had there been any other noise in the house. I listened as hard as I could to try and make out what it was, but to no avail. I couldn't hear it well enough.

My curiosity now piqued, I walked slowly past Esme and Carmen and continued down the hall toward the noise. It grew steadily louder as I got closer. It sounded like some sort of bell. But this was no happy church bell. This was a bell that sounded like it had been mourning. Grieving, for lack of a better word.

I had no idea what would make this type of noise. I crept closer and closer until I was just outside the door of where it was coming from. The sound was choppy and uneven, but a pretty sound, all the same. It was the sound only a vampire could make if it—

"Oh, Tanya," Carmen said. "I told you how broken up she's been over this. It's such a shame."

_That_ was Tanya?! My God, she really was crying. How pathetic.

Carmen passed by me quickly and knocked on the door. "Tanya, dear, how are you doing?"

The sobbing paused only for a moment before it started again at least three notches louder. My eyes widened.

Esme, in a fit of panic, scrambled for words. "Uhm, err, well, Carmen, how about we, uh, show Bella up to her room? I think she'd like that about now. She's had enough excitement for one day." She was trying to fill in the empty air, and I couldn't blame her. Who would want to hear _that_?

"That sounds like a great idea, Esme. Here, follow me. It's just up here." She opened a door on the other side of the hall which led to another flight of stairs. "You're going to be the only one up here, so it should be nice and private for you," she said.

As I followed her, the stairs creaked beneath me. Even _they_ wanted to cover up that wretched noise. My blood was boiling, and I'm sure it had become more potent in the air. My heartbeat was excruciatingly fast, too. It probably sounded like I was having a sort of heart attack.

At the top of the stairs was a doorway, which Carmen paused at before entering. She turned back to Esme and I. "I'm so sorry you had to witness that," she said. "It's just been so hard for her." With a pointed glance at me, she continued. "You know how it feels. It's just been rough for her. It's a very uncomfortable situation to be in and—"

"You think it's rough for _her_?!"

My own voice astounded me. It was crackly and hoarse, but it was me nonetheless. Inwardly, I rejoiced. This was the first time I had gotten myself to talk since the plane.

"She has _no_ idea what it's like to be without the one you love. It's not just _uncomfortable_," I sneered the word, "It feels like you're being ripped apart into tiny little pieces. And as soon as you think the pieces can't be ripped any smaller, someone finds a way to make it happen."

I bit my lip, realizing I shouldn't have said anything. Carmen's mouth was agape, and I had a feeling she was too stunned to say anything. She probably thought I was oblivious to the world around me. But I wouldn't tolerate her comparing Tanya to me.

"O-oh... I—" Carmen stuttered, "I'm so sorry for your loss," she repeated, acting as though I hadn't heard her when she said it outside on the hill. I shook my head at her. She obviously had no idea what needed to be said in this situation.

I pushed my way up the last few steps and shoved by Carmen and into the room that was my own. I barely registered what it looked like. I just led myself over to the bed. I lay vacantly, curled into a ball, and faced the creamy tan ceiling. I had pulled the covers up over my chest, so only my head was exposed. I never realized that now, as soon as I was still, the pain would kick up a few notches. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to make the pain go away. It didn't.

I absently rubbed the area of my chest where my heart used to be. It hurt. _I_ hurt.

I don't know how long I had been laying there when I heard the door open. I didn't acknowledge it.

"Bella? Are you awake?" Alice's voice asked. She paused—listening to my heart beat and breathing, I'm sure—before I felt the bed shift beneath me, signaling that she was sitting there.

I opened my eyes, but didn't look at her.

"Hey," she said softly. From the corner of my eye, I could see that she was sitting with her knees brought up to her chest, hugging them to herself. "I just thought you might want to talk to someone. I know I'm no Edward, but I _am_ your best friend. I'd like to think that that's a close second." She laughed once, dryly. There was no humor in it, though. It wasn't a happy laugh; it was almost just an exhale of air.

Silence consumed the room as she waited for a response that she wasn't going to get.

"Okay," she drawled, "Maybe I can just talk? Maybe that'll make you feel better?" She waited again, but the room was quiet. I couldn't even hear voices from other rooms. We must have been the only ones in the house.

"Listen, I know that you've had it really tough these past few days." _Has it really been a few days since that dreadful afternoon in Volterra?_ The scene flashed in my mind as if on fast-forward. I blinked. "But I really think you should get out of this room. It isn't healthy, Bella. The only thing you've had to eat within the past few days are two packets of airplane peanuts."

_I'm not hungry_, I thought angrily.

"You refuse to talk to anyone, or even acknowledge their existence most of the time. We don't even know if you're listening to us. It feels like we're talking to a wall," she said somewhat sadly.

_Oh, Alice_, I thought. I wanted to talk, but my voice wouldn't work again. I didn't want her to feel bad. Alice wasn't meant to be sad. But it seemed that the outburst with Carmen had taken any power of speech that I had.

There was a silence that stretched out for a minute or two before Alice spoke again. "I'm going away for a few days," she said so quietly, I almost wasn't sure she had said anything at all.

_No, don't go!_ I fought with myself to open my mouth, to move, to do _something_. Anything. I didn't want Alice to go. I wanted her to stay with me.

"I'm leaving with Jasper for a while. Your emotions are too strong for him. He can't—it's hard for him to be around...," she left the sentence hanging, as if she wanted to say something else, but found it was best left how she had said it. "We're just going to get him settled somewhere and then I'll be back for a few days to make sure you're okay. Is that alright?"

_No_, I thought, selfishly, _I want you to stay. Stay here with me._

_She can't_, I argued, _Jasper has to get away. Your pain is too strong for him to handle. Let them go. It's probably best they weren't around you anyway. You just create trouble for everyone._

She took my silence the wrong way and nodded. I couldn't get myself to correct her.

"I just want you to know that, though it may not be as strong as you, we all loved Edward. It's hard for all of us, too."

_Love_, I corrected her, mentally. _He's alive still_. She would have told me if she saw anything different, right?

"Like I said, it may not be to the extent you feel it, but we all feel it, too. We all hurt, too. And we're all here for you when you want to talk. We love you, Bella. You're one of us, vampire or not. It hurts us to see you this way. If there's anything we can do, please tell one of us." With that, I felt her peck my cheek and heard the door close behind her.

_Great,_ I thought, _Now I'm hurting everyone else, too._

I craned my neck behind me to see a plump pillow beside my head. With the weight of my hand and the world on my shoulders, I heaved the comfortable cushion behind my neck and sighed, taking back my post to staring up toward the beige ceiling.

Almost as if to remind me that I would never be able to truly comfortable, the reel of memories sounded in my head.

Biology class. Him waiting for me at the gym door. The Volvo. The hospital bed and its sanitized stench. His smile. My birthday party. His voice; the motorcycle, the cliff. And on my way here.

I couldn't think more about the velvet flow of words, as my body registered complete and utter exhaustion.

_Give in. Just this once._

But before I fell under, thick tears slid down in pools across my cheeks. No sobs heaved me. No sharp cries of grief. Just silence.

_Now these, Tanya, are real tears._

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry it was a bit of a filler chapter, but we needed to set up Denali (and Tanya). Chapter 5 will be out next Friday. It's already nearly finished. :) ANYWAY. The amazing news? Well, Ben and I had a long talk about two weeks ago, and we decided that, in order to finish this story ASAP, we're going to start updating twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays. Yay! Anyway, we want to get this story out of our systems so we can get to the sequel (which we both actually prefer to this story, hahaha) and our new story, which will be out fairly soon. Chapter 1 of that story is already being edited. Anywho, that's all.

Review for a preview of Chapter 5!  
_Until next week,_

-actuALLIE BENevolent


	6. Tanya Bitchout

**Disclaimer: **We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: **(Bold is Allie talking...)** Yupp…This is BENches (Ben…). Waves (Allie) **(Don't ask why he calls me that... it's a long story. It's cool though; I call him Sushi.)** and I decided that, well, this story is very sad. I mean, Edward is gone, and the Cullens are falling apart. So, as a sort of treat for you to read, as it was a treat for us to write, we kind of made this chapter more on the comical side. Because, Esme Forbid, we drown our audience in tears and sorrow…

**However this is, unfortunately, one of the last happy chapters. Trust me, starting with Chapter 6, you'll wish we were as happy as we were in Chapter 1 (Yes, it's _that_ sad). _I_ nearly cried while writing Chapter 6. And I _never_ cry when I write. I have a feeling that not many of you will be happy with us when this story ends... It's going to end on a cliffhanger and a total of four characters will have died. (I won't say who, though. ;) ) But I can't stress this enough: _There Will Be A Sequel That Explains Everything._ Anyway. Read and review for a preview of Chapter 6. And trust me; you'll want one. :)**

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

I awoke in the morning to a bright sun illuminating the insides of my eyelids, turning them a bright red. I internally debated whether I should open them or just keep pretending I was asleep so I didn't have to talk to anyone today. It's not like they wouldn't know I was awake, but I found that recently if I pretended, they generally got the idea that I didn't feel like talking—or being talked _to_ for that matter.

With my eyes still snapped shut, I began to stretch ever so slightly. I didn't realize I was so sore until this very moment; every muscle welcomed the small amount of attention they were receiving. I yawned out loud. My voice was as raspy as ever.

After a few minutes of debate, I opened my eyes. Immediately, the bright light from my window stung my eyes, and just as quickly, I shut them. After a few brief moments of squinting, I adjusted.

Of course I felt empty today, as I had the past few days, but this time it was slightly different. I sat up in the bed and tried to figure out what felt out of place. Aside from the ache in my chest—which, as much as it hurt, I had started to grow accustomed to—there was something else. Something deep in my stomach. It grumbled, greeting me.

Hunger, I realized. I needed something hot and filling.

It had been so long since hunger was on my mind, I had forgotten what it felt like. I closed my eyes and lay back down on the bed, waiting for myself to fully wake up before I had to go downstairs. The constant grumbling my stomach sounded from within finally drove me off the bed in a groan. I shuffled down stairs in a haze, with a nice omelet being the only goal I had in days.

_Do they even have food here?_

_Probably not. Who needs food in a coven full of vampires?_

_Bella, that's who._

I knew I would have to mentally prepare myself for the pity fest I was sure I was going to star in as soon as I walked down those stairs. I was so sick of pity. Pity got me nowhere; it wouldn't bring Edward back, and all it did was evoke horrible emotions and make me upset again. I wasn't a charity case for the emotionally unstable.

And to be honest, I don't know how much more of it I could take. I was ready to snap.

_No, Bella, you have to calm down. We can't go yelling at anyone that is trying to make you feel better_.

_Like I did with Carmen last night._

I pinched the bridge of my nose before immediately dropping it again—it reminded me too much of Edward.

I felt so bad for getting mad at Carmen. Although, now that I think about it, she probably deserved it to a certain extent. And, really, she probably wasn't even that mad. She looked more surprised that I had said anything at all, rather than _what_ I said. I didn't stay long enough for her full reaction, but I knew a look of surprise when I saw one.

With a sigh, I heaved myself up from the bed and trudged over to the door, turning its old brass knob and stepping into the hallway. The wood floors were cold beneath my bare feet, and I silently wondered when I had changed into my pajamas last night. The stairs creaked softly under my feet as I padded my way down the stairs and towards the kitchen. It seemed almost eerily quiet, almost as if I was alone in the house. I inwardly rejoiced that I wouldn't have to worry about people trying to talk to me. All I really wanted was more time to be by myself, without people watching over me like a sick puppy.

Or worse, like a lunatic about to crack. I had a feeling they had a straitjacket and a padded room waiting for me, just in case. The thought left my hands clenching into fists. Why couldn't they just return to how things were? It's bad enough I'm screwing everything up. They don't need to keep reminding me with their cautious glances.

_Goodness, you've been very testy lately, Bells._

_Shut up!_

I wished, for once, that someone would get mad at me. I wanted someone to scream and yell and tell me what a horrible person I was; how I was driving everyone away. I was hurting everyone I had any sort of contact with: I got Edward kidnapped by the Volturi, Jasper couldn't handle being around my emotions, which in turn made Alice leave, Carlisle wasn't functioning correctly because Edward was gone, and Esme had yet to look me dead in the eye since the airplane.

Why couldn't someone realize that I needed to be sent away? I deserved to be punished, not coddled. I needed to be punished for the forthcoming death of an invincible. They should send me back home with Charlie, where I belong. I shouldn't be here, around vampires that I'm practically knocking off one by one.

Charlie. I hadn't really had to heart to think of him ever since I gained a decent amount of composure. In the instant that _he _was in danger, I dropped all things aside, and without regard toward my father, I fled. No doubt there was perhaps a search party looking for me and brittle papers flooding street poles with my face and the words "Have you Seen Me?" etched on top. But oddly, I wasn't in such distress at my escape from all that I knew. There was nothing for me in the tiny town. If I did indeed choose to go back now, I would simply be a nuisance. I was better off here, scourging for food in a house full of vampires.

All the same, I wondered where everyone had gone off to. I hadn't even seen Emmett or Rosalie, yet, though I doubt Rosalie would be able to look me in the face after what I've done. Maybe I should count on Rosalie to get angry with me. At least she would know how to deal with me properly. She would understand the horrible things I've done.

The loud gurgling of my stomach tore me from my thoughts, and I wandered through the foyer, trying to see if anyone was around. Sooner than I would have liked, I got my answer.

Across from me, perched on an old-fashioned polished grand piano, stood a woman idly pacing from side to side. Her red, strawberry hair cascaded over her face, she began to gently running her long fingers over the top of the shiny keys, as if fighting with herself to play. With each step from side to side, her hips sashayed gracefully and accentuated her every move. She was as beautiful as any vampire I saw nowadays. I was very certain, however, that my ordinary appearance would have felt more so if my mood wasn't so permanently foul. Her frail and pale fingers glided their way over the sparkling keys slowly, creating a dance between herself and the instrument.

This had to be Tanya.

He posture seemed off for a vampire. The straight agile figure and observant rigid-ness I had seen with the others weren't even seen in her body. Instead, she was slumped. Only then had I realized a soft murmuring, or sob, emitting through her throat.

If I had been thinking clearly, I would have stopped and admired how stunningly pretty this particular vampire was. She was seconded only to Rosalie herself. I felt like the "before" picture on _Extreme Makeover_. I'm sure my hair was a knotted mess, and my flannel pajamas were still somewhat askew from the night's sleep. I hadn't looked in a mirror, but judging by the skin I _could_ see, it was deathly pale—paler than any vampire. And the fact that I hadn't eaten much of anything at all in nearly four days probably made me look thinner and more sickly than normal. I knew my eyes were bloodshot and my cheeks had a too-rosy tint from the flare of emotions I had started feeling.

But all the sudden, I was infuriated. And it wasn't because of her looks. Anyone with eyes could see that she was "mourning" Edward's death. I scoffed out loud. Like staring at a piano I'm sure he once played would make a difference. Like staring at something could bring him back. If that were the case, he would have come back days ago.

My scoff caught her attention and she looked over to me, smiling sadly. I had no idea what my face looked like, but I'm sure it wasn't happy. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was contorted into a weird mask of fury.

"You must be Bella," she said quietly. "I'm Tanya."

_Obviously_, I thought, rolling my eyes. I blinked furiously a few times; my eyes weren't used to so much activity. Fury I didn't know I had in me rose quickly to the surface and bubbled in my throat, resulting in what sounded to me like a barely audible growl. I had to keep myself in check. I had to put my emotionless mask back on before someone hears another growl.

But of course Tanya heard it.

_Stupid vampire hearing._

She gave me a shocked look and took a step towards me. I took a step back, not wanting to be breathing the same air she was. All I wanted to do was run at her and pummel her to the ground.

"I won't hurt you, Bella."

_Duh_, I thought, _Like I'm worried about that._

"I just thought you'd want to talk," she said, taking a step back and sitting on the piano bench, running a hand lightly over it and, I'm sure, watching her own reflection in the shiny polish. Her eyes held a glassy stare, like she had been crying earlier and her mouth was slightly ajar, as if anticipating a case of the sniffles. When I didn't respond, she added, "You and I have a lot in common."

_No, we don't_, I thought adamantly.

"He came here so many times. The first, of course, he was still somewhat of a newborn. He came here with Carlisle. I knew he was going to be special since the first time I laid eyes on him. But they didn't stay long—just passing through, they said. They only stayed a few years, so I didn't get as good of a chance as I'd have liked to get to know him. He was always off training and hunting with Carlisle. He was hardly ever here.

"Aside from the occasional vacation, we didn't really see him again until just about a year ago, when he came up here to get away from you, of all people." She let out a low chuckle. Earlier, when Carmen had brought this up, I had thought it humorous. Now, it only made me want to wring Tanya's neck that much more. She was really getting on my last nerve. "I really fell for him, then. He was so compassionate and loving, I didn't understand why you wouldn't want him around."

I squeezed my eyes shut. _Violence is not the answer_, I repeated like a mantra in my head. I tried everything I could think of to get this violent feeling to dissipate, but it wouldn't go away. I counted to ten. It only gave me ten more seconds to fantasize of how I could tear her apart and set her on fire without anyone noticing. I took a few deep breaths, but then was disgusted with myself for breathing in her air.

I opened my eyes again and attempted to force a smile on my face, but am pretty sure I only managed to contort it into an ever stranger expression. I relaxed my face slightly.

Tanya looked up at me again, "I really loved him, you know."

_That's it._

"_Excuse me_?!_ YOU_ loved him?!" I shouted. After not talking for so long, my voice sounded funny in my ears. "Do you have _any_ idea what love is? ANY idea?" I didn't wait for her to respond. "I don't think you do. You have _no_ idea what it's like to lose someone you _actually_ love. I haven't been able to move or talk for the past four days. And what are you up here doing? Stroking that goddamn piano like looking at something he once touched will bring him back. Well newsflash, _Tanya_, he's gone. Gone. Gone as in he's not ever coming back.!" Her jaw dropped open at my sudden angst towards her, and she stilled on the spot.

"You know what I don't understand? You're what, three thousand and seven?" I had no idea how old she really was, but I didn't bother asking. "What I don't understand is how someone so _old_ could be so _dense_. Not _only_ did you just compare my love for Edward to your... your...," I stuttered while trying to figure out the right word for it, "your desperate infatuation with him, but then you had the _nerve_ to tell me, of all people, that you were in _love_ with him?! I think not.

"I wouldn't wish the pain I've felt for the past few days on _anyone's_ life, not even your pathetic excuse for an existence, but for one moment, for just one tiny second, I wish there was a word strong enough to convey the pain I've been barely surviving through these past few days. I wish there was a way I could explain how much pain I've been going through. Then maybe, just maybe, if you could get it through your thick skull and into your empty head, you would understand that comparing what you feel to what I feel? It's beyond ridiculous." I didn't know when, but my voice had risen so loud that my throat had started to hurt.

I folded my arms across my chest and opened my mouth to speak again, but she cut me off. "How _dare_ you talk to me that way! I've been through a lot in my days. I've witnessed much more than your virgin little eyes could even start to imagine."

"That may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that you don't know what love is. It's pathetic that you've been overplaying this so much. You don't miss Edward. You miss the thought of what never would-have-been with him. So shut your trap."

Tanya glared at me while a lion of triumph roared in my head.

"How could he have ever fallen for a bitch like her?" she muttered under her breath, but still audible enough for human ears such as my own.

_Oh, hell no. She. Did. Not!! _

Before I could register what I was doing, my leg muscled were bunching and I was leaping towards her. I hadn't gotten half a foot before two iron hands secured themselves around my upper arms, restraining me. I tried to fight free from—I turned to see who was holding me back—I tried to fight free from Esme's grasp, but, curse her vampire strength, it was a lost cause. I would have growled there in her arms, spasms shooting through my body as a way to escape, had I not realized how stupid I would have looked.

"Bella, calm down," her soothing voice cooed.

"Let me go!" I shouted, "Let me at her!" That strawberry bitch was going down.

Tanya snorted and folded her arms over her chest, a smug look covering that twisted face of hers.

"Aren't you hungry, Bella? You haven't eaten much of anything in days," Esme said, trying to distract me.

_Yes, I'm hungry, but there are more important things to take care of. Such as the overdramatic vampire standing in front of me, pretending to be in love with _my_ love. Mine_, I thought with a glare in her direction.

I struggled again to release myself from Esme's grasp, thinking that I might be able to catch her by surprise, but I failed miserably.

"Please, Bella. How about we just go to the kitchen and I make you an omelet or something?"

_Omelet_, a voice in my head sang, happily. The hungry part.

It was immediately pushed away. The only food I wanted right now was some strawberry. Strawberry-haired vampire.

I was still fuming, but I calmed down nonetheless so Esme would let me go. When she did, I pounced for Tanya again. This time, though, Esme didn't hold me back.

I felt like a bystander, watching the next moments play out as if I was a football referee looking to make a next call, watching the slow motion replay. I started towards Tanya and braced myself for the impact, but instead of hitting her, I collided with Esme's short frame. What happened next, I'm still not exactly sure. Esme either stumbled, lost her footing, or something of the sort, and fell backwards into Tanya.

Tanya fell in an even slower motion. So slow that, as her body weight crushed the piano, I could see the wood shatter piece by piece. The jarring noise that rang throughout the house brought everything back to real time. I had to cover my ears to keep my eardrums from shattering into a million pieces.

The next thing I knew, Esme was standing next to me, her hands clasped over her mouth in shock. Tanya sat in the remnants of the piano for a few seconds, her face clearly pissed, before standing and staring at the shattered wood that was beneath her. The house seemed eerily quiet now that the clanging of the piano strings breaking had stopped.

I couldn't help it. For the first time in what felt like years, I started laughing. And I couldn't stop. I was laughing so hard I had to clench my hands around my stomach—for a completely different reason, now. Not to hold my self together from falling apart without Edward, but to hold my sides together to keep them from splitting at my laughter.

I had finally gotten my way, well sort of. There was no other dead vampire. Just a bewildered woman sitting carelessly on a pile that once was a piano. All the pent up frustration and anger I had was temporarily ceased, and I had placed it somewhere else. The whole situation was silly, I knew. But did I care? Not really.

A look at Esme told me she was trying hard not to laugh as well, her hand conveniently placed over her mouth with her shoulders shaking.

I was on the floor now, nearly rolling around in laughter. I never thought it possible for someone to actually ROFL. I always just thought it was stupid internet lingo. But no, I was actually on the floor, laughing. Laughing so hard, in fact, tears were now piling up in my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks. I wasn't even sure what I was laughing at. It could have been Tanya's overdramatic act right before, or the look on her face right now, as she stared hopelessly at the crushed piano she idolized moments before.

She must have had a thing with staring. This wasn't the first time I caught her staring at something so hard, it was almost as though she were wishing it to come back to life. When would she learn that she was just wasting her time? Still, it was somewhat entertaining for me to watch. For me to stare at her, staring at something.

The thought made me laugh harder. I think I was just laughing now because it felt too good to laugh after so many months of being depressed. Nevertheless, it felt great. I could practically feel the endorphins releasing into my system.

More vampires had come in to so what all the commotion was about. Now Carmen, Eleazar, and Kate were all in the room with us, looking puzzled. I could imagine how weird this situation looked to them; a piano lay in unfixable pieces just before two vampires, one pissed, and one trying not to laugh, and then there was the crazy human, who, as long as they had known her had been mourning and sulking, was now rolling on the floor in laughter. I could see how this could be somewhat confusing.

I swear, I could hear the soft chuckle of velvet bells ringing in my head. But all I knew was that the laughter was not of my own. It rung in my ears like a beautiful melody, like the piano had regained its last notice of life and played a celebratory song.

Was he back again?

Wherever he was, I loved him. More than anything. Enough to laugh on this floor. Good enough to push Tanya at a piano. And enough to admit I wouldn't live even half a life without him.

_I love you, Edward. _I hadn't said those words in my moment of contemplation since a long time ago.

I could hear Esme muttering under her breath, no doubt explaining to the others what happened. Realizing that my reaction was probably not exactly appropriate, I attempted to compose myself and stood up, stuttering my words as I carefully let out a chuckled breath.

"I think I'd like that omelet now, Esme."

* * *

**A/N**: So… did you like it? I hope you don't get mad that we trashed a piano. It just had to be done. :) Also, Waves and I are considering another story of some sort. So we posted a poll up concerning the genre of aforementioned story. All we can tell you now is that it's going to be WAY different than this story. But you should vote for your favorite choice. We _might_ need beta readers for it too. **(Key word 'might')** We already have the first chapter done!

What else? OH! So if you want to make Waves' day (and mine)… start recommending this story to your fan peeps. We really want to get this story out there, get more reviews, more favorites… the works. Just any way to get this wordplay out would be fantastic.

We love you all and we'll try and post chapter 6 on Tuesday. I warn you though, it gets VERY SAD! **(Told yah. P.s. he wrote this before I added my comments. Haha.) **_**Until Tuesday**_**,**

**-mALLIEbu BENefits**


	7. Heartbeat Lost

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **I have one thing to say:  
Be prepared.  
I'm not even joking. Be prepared.  
**Allie agrees. There's pretty much nothing else to say. Sorry the post is late, but hey. Our time, it's still Tuesday. Haha. So shut up. :) Anyway. Here we go, grab some tissues and chocolate. It'll come in handy. I'll wait... Got it? Okay, good. Let's get started, then**.

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

The smell of grassy fields and a nearby-sapped tree filled my nostrils as I took in a gasp. My eyes darted open from the darkness of my eyelids, only to be met with the very same shade of black. No matter in which way my pupils darted, no different shade of color greeted me. In one more determined sweep, I glanced around me. But no such luck; it was as if my eyes never even opened. I blinked away the sleepy haze I wasn't too long ago swept up in and looked around; I couldn't see anything. I even held my hand merely inches from my face, and it was as if nothing was there.

I could feel the soft billows of grass underneath me. I could feel the wind brush back my hair, tickling my skin where it had barely touched. I could hear the crickets sound and an owl hoot in the background. But I couldn't see. No matter how tranquil and serene I should be, I was nowhere near it. Something inside me was panicking. Something wasn't right.

I had no idea how I got to this mysterious black plane. One minute ago, I was perched on my bed, counting the ceiling bumps of my room. The next moments were silence. And now this.

_What day is it?_

_Where am I?_

My heart raced along with the rhythm of the cricket's chirp. Thoughts escalated throughout my mind, they whizzed past with unnerving speed. But I still sat rigid on the plain of grass. I was so lost. I couldn't even get my shocked muscles to get myself to stand up and try to find some source of light. My heart started beating faster, falling out of time with the cricket.

_Calm down._

Slowly, but surely, I let the breeze carry away my panicked moment. And with each gush of wind, there came a silence that punctuated the cloaked surrounding. A brief stillness echoed all around me. I saw nothing, but yet the place was familiar. It was so peaceful.

The entire blind scene felt so surreal, almost like a dreary wake after a long night's rest. While I couldn't understand it, I suddenly felt at peace here. The grass beneath me was silky and satin-like. The breeze smelled heavenly, and while the dark was unnerving, I felt a great respect for not having sight to deter me from this.

I felt better than I did in a long time.

All I could do now, all that I cared to do, was rest and enjoy what little mystery I had. Carefully, I laid down on the plain, and let out a deep sigh.

_Where am I?_

I was so confused. How exactly _did _I get here? The curious part of me wanted answers. It wanted to know everything and anything that could happen in this black heaven. She wanted to really see if I could lay here safely, bundled by the warm breeze and barky smell in the air. She didn't believe I could be at ease, find a heartbeat.

But the other part didn't dare want to know. Not knowing anymore was the only bliss I could ever partake in. Being ignorant meant finding very little pain and sadness swimming around in the air. I just wanted to stay here. I wanted to be fixed by this little piece of heaven.

I wanted to laugh because it was right. I wanted to at the same time cry so hard. I wanted a purpose. But for the time being, I just wanted to sit on a plain of grass.

Slowly, but surely, my ignorant side overtook.

For a moment, I was calm. I didn't need to think about anything.

My breath evened out. They were all I could hear. In. Out. In. Out.

My eyes closed to the sound of nearby trees blowing in the warm wind. I could almost hear the soft musings of a piano, with hands gliding skillfully over the keys. I couldn't help but smile.

An unnatural prickly, cold gust of small wind hit my right ear. My insides curled and boiled at the odd contact of wind solely placed on the side of my head. Another blow touched my ear, and I caught a whiff of immensely cold and sweet smells in the air.

It didn't belong to the wind of the forest.

"Whose there?" I scooted nervously from my spot. All peace and serenity vanished and my heart began picking up pace. I knew that smell, what it did to humans. The sweet, almost candy breath was a weapon.

I wasn't alone.

Anxiously, I began to make my way away from where the breath hit me. But deep inside, I knew that whatever happened, I would not be able to escape. It just wasn't physically possible. I knew whoever it was, wasn't Edward. The breath was far too sweet. And I didn't like it.

_The Cullens, maybe?_

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Stop!" The voice ignited a fire upon my heart, and I jumped in shock and fright. A feral scream pierced the black sky, almost shaking my vision with its high pitch. I flinched from the sound and helplessly began backing up.

I knew that voice. It wasn't friendly.

That voice spoke fire. Fiery orange hair, I could picture. For an instant, I felt the intense heat of her words, almost as hot as the color of her hair. My face burned and my entire body began to heat up with adrenaline I knew would be useless.

My flight or fight response was of no use here. I would lose.

"I'm gonna hurt her like she hurt me," her soft growls crooned right by my ear. Her voice was too calm. It was frightening. I cringed from my spot and the unnerving closeness she was to me. Within the darkness, I fidgeted and circled around, attempting to fend off my captor. To fend off Victoria.

_Hurt her. Like she hurt you._

The words didn't make any sense. I was close by. I could feel her hair on whiz past my face, and her words echo by my ear. But they didn't seem directed at me. My heart still whirled in fear and anxiety.

She wasn't talking to me. But what was she saying?

I gasped quietly.

She was going to hurt me like I hurt her. The way I took away her James. I killed her future. I murdered her love.

She was going to kill mine.

_Edward._

How did she have Edward? Was he here? Wasn't he in Volterra? He was going to die…

"NO!" My scream pierced the black night with astounding force. I blindly began thrashing my way through the grassy plain I could not see. I had to find him. I didn't care about logic. I didn't dare answer as to why he was here. I needed to save him.

I continued to grab the silky grass by its roots, propelling myself forward toward the last place I heard her screech. Heaving gasps for air filled my lungs and I kept on running.

I fell over a hard surface, down to my knees. My injured shoulder instantly moved, giving way to new screams of terror. I could feel rocks digging into my legs. My broken shoulder ached and throbbed from being moved.

I was in pure hysterics!

_WHERE WAS I?_

This was a nightmare.

"Please... don't. I beg you," I sobbed. "Don't kill him."

"I have waited so long to end this. It ends here. IT ENDS NOW!" It was as if she couldn't see me! Her venomous words seared in the sky, but none of them were punctuated toward me. I had to follow her words and get to him.

A low moan of pain escaped a pair of guttural lips a distance away. I could tell they were a man's. The groan destroyed my insides.

I desperately clawed myself up, despite the shooting pains in my shoulder. I ran toward the jagged voice. Tripping easily again over rocks, I continued my aching journey to him. To my love.

I was almost there. I could feel it.

But I knew it was useless. What could I do? I was human. I was weak. I had not way to help Edward. I was a burden.

_Why isn't he in Volterra?_

But before another step could be made, the feral screech echoed across the shadowed plain, and a gush of forced wind sounded.

_Oh, no. She was running._

Before I could react, a snap reverberated. The flapping and cawing of wings above sounded, as I could hear birds escaping the loud crack. Loud rips and shreds echoed. A faint fit of screeching and leering followed.

A cackle of laughter ended the battle.

Another groan escaped a pair of lips. Silence.

_No. _

_This isn't the end._

_NO!_

"Take me, you bitch," I cried.

"It's done. I'm done!"

And with that, another gush of forced breeze whipped my hair, leaving me on my knees. A cackle of laughter filled my ears once more.

I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to.

The impossible happened. It got darker. And I was pushed under the black light.

I awoke with a start, sitting straight up in my bed. The silence was screaming around me; the only sound I could hear was my blood pulsing through my veins. It was so rapid, it couldn't be healthy. Not to mention it was probably attracting the senses of all nine vampires in the house.

My heart.

It ached, so much. So unbearably much. A stab to the chest would have felt better. My hand flew to my chest and clutched at the shirt there. My mind vaguely registered surprise that it wasn't wet and sopping full of blood. A pain like this had to have had some sort of physical remnants. There was no way that that pain could only be on the inside. Nothing had the power to inflict that sort of pain except—I froze. My dream.

But it was too real to be a dream. A premonition? I could feel pain that dreams had never before been the source of. I just knew. The feeling I had was too strong to deny.

He was gone. He was gone for real. And this time, he was never coming back. I sat there, completely dazed and confused, the throb in my chest that I didn't think could get any worse increasing tenfold. I would have doubled over in pain, but I couldn't get my body to do it. It wouldn't move. _I_ couldn't move. For the first time in what felt like years, the voice in my head was as silent as my vocal chords. It was like no part of me could admit that it was real; that he was gone.

But the dream…I was so happy for a moment.

He had to be coming back. He always comes back. He wouldn't leave me like this. He loves—I nearly choked on my own minor thoughts—_loved_ me. No, Edward wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't put himself in a stupid situation such as to get himself killed. He knows how much he means to me, and he would think he was being selfish, in typical Edward fashion, and not do something stupid. Wouldn't he?

"Bella," a ghostly voice said quietly. It was only now that I realized that a cold, stone hard arm was wrapped delicately around my shoulders. I didn't have to look to see who it was; the hurt in their voice told me all I needed to know. It was the only person even remotely close to feeling how I had been; Carlisle.

I could hear a wretched tearing sound coming from somewhere in the room, but I merely wrote it off as my chest cavity opening wider.

"Shh, Bella, it's okay, I'm here," he was cooing. I was confused. How could he know something was wrong?

I realized with a start that that horrible ripping noise I heard was me; I was sobbing uncontrollably into Carlisle's chest. I felt horrible for probably ruining his shirt, but I don't think he cared. I think he understood just exactly what had happened; what could make me feel like this.

It was Edward, and he was gone.

I tried to take a few deep breaths, but the air tore and scratched at my throat as if I had just swallowed knives. It was uncomfortable to say the least. But I was being punished; I needed the air.

"He's gone, isn't he?" Carlisle asked, his voice just a whisper of a sound. I couldn't bear responding verbally, so I merely nodded. It was still difficult to believe.

_Gone, gone, gone..._ The sound rang in my head like a broken church bell. I squeezed my eyes shut as more tears spilled over, continuing their journey down my cheeks and toward my jaw, where they were landing softly and expanding within the fabric of my old t-shirt. Carlisle's soothing touch rubbed slowly—even for human standards—up and down my back, doing all he could to calm me in my hysterical state.

With every beat of my heart, every breath I took, the pain increased. It was like every time new blood was pumped into my heart and pushed out again to spread to my body, the pain spread with it until my entire body—every limb, every extremity, every cell—felt as though they were being sliced open by a dull knife. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"It'll be okay," he said. "I know you don't think it'll be possible right now, but with some time the pain will die down. I can't promise it'll go away, but it'll die down. It won't always be this hard to bear."

I sniffled in an attempt to try and start to say something, but even my breath was shaky; it sent a rough tremor throughout my body. My face felt like I had just won a game of Bobbing for Apples at Halloween time, thanks to the tears that were now comfortably falling at an alarming rate. I choked on my sobs, and coughed.

"Shh," he cooed, "I'm here for you, Bella. I'm right here. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you," I managed to choke out before I completely collapsed into him. He ran a hand soothingly over my hair, the way only a father could. It was a nice change—Charlie was never very good with tears.

"I know you're hurting. Believe me, I know. You lost your mate. There's nothing worse than that. But if anyone could have any sort of idea of what you're going through, it's me." I blinked in acknowledgement. I knew he was right. He's always right. "I knew him for over a century. He was my very best friend."

His use of the past tense didn't escape my notice, and in turn a few extra tears leaked.

_Gone, gone, gone..._

"I'm sure that, as of right now, talking is the last thing you want to do, but I think you should know that whenever you _are_ ready, I'll be right here."

I nodded once before closing my eyes.

"Sleep now, Bella."

I shook my head and cleared my throat, flinching only slightly at the pain. "I can't," I spat.

"Why?"

"Nightmares. I get bad nightmares when I try to sleep. Awake is better. Much better," I said to him. My voice was a raspy whisper, one that was hardly audible to human ears, but I knew he wouldn't have any trouble hearing me. To be honest, I was afraid of sleep. The last few times I've tried to sleep, something horrible happened. It was like someone was watching me, and as soon as my eyes closed, they destroyed everyone I loved. This was bound to result in failures, and more of those around me getting hurt.

I couldn't do that to them. I _wouldn't_ do that to them.

Even if I had to fight sleep for the rest of eternity, I refused to shut my eyes for any longer than a simple blink for fear that if I did, I'd lose someone _else_. _No, no, no..._

_Gone, gone, gone..._

"I understand," Carlisle said. "Would you like me to stay?"

I nodded and the silence overtook us as we sat there, father and daughter, mourning the loss of a loved one.

Mourning.

It was such an ugly word. A sad word. A word that couldn't in a million years convey the hurt that was pounding and throbbing through my chest. No, I was doing more than mourning. I wasn't grieving, either. I was merely surviving. And even that was overstated. I was barely surviving. Each breath felt like a chore, each blink took too much muscle, each heart beat was weakening.

I had skipped over the denial of Edward's death. I never would be able to render under acceptance. Grief was where I was destined to stay.

Surviving would definitely be an overstatement. I searched my head for a word that might suffice, but came up empty. No word in the English language had the ability to describe me right now. Then an idea struck me.

"Carlisle?" I asked. Even I could barely hear my own voice.

"Hmm?" He was resting his head back against the wall with this eyes closed. His face was as blank as a fresh, not-yet-carved block of marble.

"Do you think...," I wasn't sure how to start this, "What do you think Edward would have wanted of me, now that he's...," I choked on the word, "...gone?"

He opened his eyes and looked down at me. "In all honesty?" I nodded. I was surprisingly nervous about the answer. I knew what I wanted him to say, but I also know that it wasn't the truth. And Carlisle wouldn't stray from the truth if I asked him to. I took a breath and held it in anticipation of his answer. "I think he would have wanted you to move on."

I scoffed. "Of course he would," I muttered. "He would tell me that, I know. Always so selfless. Never keen enough to understand that it isn't possible—it was never possible." I shook my head slowly from side to side. "What do you think he would really want? Like what do you think he would be all but begging for in his mind but wouldn't dare say aloud? What would he want me to do?"

"He would claim he was selfish in wanting you to never forget him," Carlisle said without missing a beat. "And he would want you to come with him to wherever he goes. But, as selfish as he liked to think he was, I think we both know that he'd never in a million years wish that upon you. He thinks he's going to Hell. He wouldn't want you there."

"They wouldn't let Edward into Hell if he asked them to. He always thought so lowly of himself," I said. The tears had started to slow, now, though my breath was still shaky and uneven. It felt surprisingly good to talk about him. I thought it would hurt. But even though the pain in my chest had dissipated a miniscule amount, I knew the tears were nowhere near over.

Carlisle laughed once. "I think you're right."

We were silent a moment.

_Gone, gone, gone..._

I broke the silence. "Carlisle..." I hesitated. "Do you think you could... I mean, would you be able to... maybe... change me?"

"Pardon?"

But I knew he heard me. I didn't bother repeating myself.

"Bella, that's a big request. And there's so much to do in order to prepare for it—"

"I don't care," I said, cutting him off. "I just want it done. I don't care about the morphine, I don't want to tell anyone, I don't want to discuss it. It's what I want."

"Bella..."

"No, Carlisle, please." I looked up at him, the tears igniting in my eyes again. "I don't have anything to live for anymore. Nothing. If I go back home, I'll live an empty life in an empty body. Edward wouldn't have wanted that. I don't want to put Charlie through that, either. I don't think he could deal with it. Please, Carlisle, I'm begging you." I was sobbing now, and probably incomprehensible, but it didn't matter. I needed to get out what I wanted to be said. "If you don't do this for me, Carlisle, I swear to you I'll just go jump off another cliff. And this time, I'll make sure there's no water beneath it to break my fall.

"It's all or nothing," I said. "I don't want to live like this. But I know there's no way for me _not_ to. Please. It's all I ask. I'll even get out of everyone's hair and leave as soon as the transformation is complete. I just—I need it. Please."

He was quiet for a few minutes, pondering the thought. "Are you sure?"

"The only thing I've ever been more sure of is my love for Edward."

His jaw clenched as he debated with himself what to do. Finally, after what felt like ages, he met my eyes. "Under one condition."

"Anything."

"You don't leave here until I give you the 'okay'. And even then, it's only if you really want to. You know we would love to have you with us. But it's too dangerous out there by yourself as a newborn. I'd feel horribly guilty if something were to happen to you," he said to me seriously.

I nodded, holding out my hand for him to shake. "Done."

He mirrored my gesture and shook my hand, his touch making me shiver slightly. I let go of him and laid back on the pillows, pulling the covers to my chest to keep warm.

Carlisle bent down and pressed his cold lips on my forehead.

I was to be changed. Just like I always wanted. But now, I needed it for different reasons.

I needed to stop sleeping. And I needed to lose this aching heartbeat.

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**A/N:** Ask questions and review, please. This is a _VERY_ important chapter, and we'll make sure to answer any questions you may have. And yes, to clarify, Bella's dream was a reality. So yes, death occurred. :(

And don't hate. But keep an open mind. Trust us when we say that you haven't seen anything yet: There's still a sequel. And a forewarning… you won't get all the answers UNTIL the sequel. **Haha. Yeah, sorry. But if it helps; there won't be any break between the end of this story and the sequel. However, the end of this story won't be for a long time. So no worries.**

**Review for a preview of Chapter 7. And I swear, if there was one chapter you should review to get a preview of the next one? It's this chapter. The preview of Chapter 7 is going to make you all feel a bit better... but that's all I'll say. :)**

And remember: TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT US! Lol. And review.

_Until Friday,_

-cALLIEfornia BENches


	8. Tingling Sensations

**Disclaimer: **We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** So Here's Chapter 7. It's a bit more of a relaxing chapter, which is nice. It made me smile. It's definitely a bit on the bittersweet side, but I love it. And there might be a bit of foreshadowing? Maybe? I don't know? Haha. Just read it.

So if you didn't see the author's note that we posted as a chapter on Wednesday, here's the short of what it said; we've got a teaser chapter of our new story up, so you should go read and review it and tell us what you think. We'll definitely be continuing it, which only people who have reviewed that story know (well, I guess not anymore) but it'll still be a few weeks before we have enough time to get a good start on it.

**Ok. This is Ben! Like Allie so well put it, we have a new story, so seriously review. It means a lot to us and Allie pretty much flips shit when it happens. So if you want to give her a happy attack, just keep on with those reviews.**

**BTW: This is my favorite chapter!**

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

Carlisle had left the room less than a half hour ago, but it felt like I had been waiting an eternity. The room was eerily silent—the only sound was my breathing, and it was echoing off the walls as if I had been yelling. The usually creaky house was just as quiet. It was almost as if everyone knew what was about to happen, and had simultaneously stopped moving. I was sure my screaming silence was ringing through the house as bad as it was this room.

I was beyond nervousness, now. There was an excited sort of fluttering in my stomach, as though I was waiting in anticipation just before a big public speech. But this was much bigger than a public speech—this was a complete transformation, literally and figuratively. I adjusted my place on the bed so I was slightly more comfortable, the covers rustling soothingly around me, molding to my body shape like water. They were trying to calm me, I think. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I waited.

The room felt too small, now. I felt somewhat claustrophobic. But what was I supposed to do? It wasn't as if I could ask to go some place else; I didn't want anyone to see me during my three days of hell. This, I knew, was the best place for me to be. But it didn't mean I had to like it.

I squeezed my eyes shut—ignoring the horrible images that splayed on the back of my eyelids—and hoped that when I opened them Carlisle would be there. And then, as if my wish came true, I heard the wooden door creak. I opened my eyes quickly and looked towards the door, where Carlisle was standing there with too many pillows in one hand, and a few syringes as well as a yellowing first aid kit that looked like it hadn't been used in centuries. And for all I knew, it hadn't. I had no idea how long these vampires had existed here.

"What're those?" I asked.

"Morphine," he replied, not looking towards me. He was too busy setting things down on the small desk in the corner and preparing his kit.

I was confused. How did he get the morphine? It wasn't like people—or even vampires—had it just lying around. It would have taken some serious effort to get that. "How'd you get it?"

He took a brief glance towards me before looking back to his kit, which he was now bent over, setting gauze and wipes and disinfectant out next to the syringes. "I'm a doctor," he replied, "A trustworthy one. All it took was a run to the hospital. Though I didn't much like lying, it was necessary," he said with a shrug.

He stood up straighter now and walked over next to the bed, kneeling down so he was eye level. "You're sure you want to do this?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Even if I wasn't, I would do it."

"Bella." His voice held a warning tone. Apparently he didn't like my answer.

"Yes, Carlisle, it's something I want to do. I'm one hundred percent sure. Would you like me to write it out and sign it?"

Ignoring my sarcastic statement, he stood back up and brought all the necessary tools over to the bed and set them down gingerly as he started disinfecting my arm. The tingling in my stomach was turning into a full-blown case of the butterflies, but I ignored them as if they were merely part of my everyday life. I took a deep breath as he glanced up to me, a syringe in one hand.

"Ready?"

I nodded once, gravely. The butterflies were floating up into my throat now, causing my voice box to stop working.

He pressed the needle into the crease of my elbow lightly, not yet breaking the skin. He looked up at me once more, and I nodded again, closing my eyes and turning away. I hated needles. I felt the prick of the needle pass through my skin and I sucked in a deep breath of air through my teeth, emitting a hissing sound.

"You okay?"

I released the air. "Yeah. Fine."

"Alright. We should wait a few minutes for this to kick in. I'm going to do another one right after I bite you, and then one tomorrow. Hopefully, by the time that one wears out, it won't be a problem. Does that sound okay?" he asked, moving some of the equipment back to the desk.

"Yeah," I said. Monosyllables seemed to be the only thing I could manage now. I was just starting to feel the numbness spreading through my body, like thousands of spiders crawling up and down my arms. I couldn't move my limbs; it was as if they were no longer attached to my body. I shot a nervous glance at Carlisle, telling him that I was uncomfortable.

"It's fine, that's normal. It means its working; and sooner than I thought, too." We sat in silence for a minute or two, the both of us lost in our thoughts, until finally he broke the silence again. "Can you feel anything?" he asked.

"No."

"Good. Okay, here's what's going to happen, Bella. I'm going to bite your neck, first. That one will probably hurt the most, considering how sensitive the skin is. But just after, I'm going to bite both your wrists and ankles. By that time, chances are you won't feel any of the additional pain." He took a deep breath and smiled at me. "Well. See you on the other side, I guess."

"Thanks," I managed to choke out.

"Of course, Bella. Anything for you."

And with that, he moved his head so it was hovering over my neck. He was hesitating; I'm sure weighing the pros and cons of backing out now. Probably thinking of what Edward would do in a situation like this.

_Bite me_, I thought, both in response to what Edward would do and as a command to Carlisle. I really wanted to get this over with. The sooner he bit me, the sooner it would be over and I'd be one of them. The sooner I'd be one of _him_.

I heard Carlisle take a deep breath, and a sharp pain immediately stung through my body. I cried out once, but stopped myself before I could worry him. The last thing I needed was him regretting it and backing out half-way through. But just then, I lost all train of thought.

And the fire began.

I felt the heat rise up slowly in me, like the beginning heatings of an oven waiting for use. The warmth rose at my bitten wrists, and traveled down my arms like a hot pack was placed conveniently following the trail. Almost rhythmically, I could feel the journey of venom inch its way through my veins, lighting a match inside.

But oddly, none of it seemed to be uncomfortable. I was hot, there was no doubt. But the heat was nothing short of tingling. In fact, I would be safe to venture in saying the sensation was enjoyable, like a shower head spewing hot water over my back, or the jets of a jaccuzi massaging my legs.

I was completely prepared for the screeching and cries of pain. I was still braced for the small match to hit a trail of gasoline and burst my body into horrific flames of pain, like I had imagined. I could feel my fists clenching the soft, white comforter in preparation.

But it never came.

And I didn't know why.

The tingling only numbed my entire body. Eventually, my grip on the sheets loosened. I smiled.

This isn't hard at all. I could enjoy this time to myself, where I can't be part of the outside world. I can focus on me.

I was still utterly confused as to why I was experiencing no pain. There was no screaming. I didn't think I was thrashing from side to side, either. What was I doing?

As quickly as I thought it, a white light blinded my eyelids. The bright glow filled my entire vision, and immediately seperated me from my thoughts. The luminescent sear continued to shine.

Slowly, the light faded. As it darkened, I noticed myself, or rather my conscious in physical form, in a white, clean room. The whole scene was quite odd. I felt too drab in such a spot-free place.

_What is this?_

Sure enough, the white room faded to black, and the once white walls begin dancing with vibrant colors, hypnotizing my eyes with the flourescent shades. The colors gracefully jumped along the walls, which held no past thought that they were indeed white.

Suddenly, and also to my surprise and utter shock, the walls began playing clips of video.

My mind was playing the reel of film of _him_.

Of Edward.

The sun was blazing down on his bare back, glinting sparkles off his perfect chest. He was smiling that crooked, lazy smile of his. And he was smiling at me. We were sitting carelessly in the meadow. I was twirling a blade of grass through my fingers, my head resting on his lap. He slowly ran his cold, pale fingers through my hair and brushed it away from my face. My lips pouted as his hand teased me by grazing over my cheek in the process. He knew I wanted a kiss.

"You continue to surprise me, silly Bella."

Both video Bella and I blushed a fierce red crimson.

I knew the memory was fake. I never remembered being so careless with Edward. But I really didn't care. In any vision of him, the effect he had on me was enough truth for me. I could stare at this clip all day, and marvel his dazzling topaz eyes. And that hair...

The mural of the video melted into the wall, and the white, plaster-like tone was brought back.

But just as it had came, the wall was once again shimmered in neon colors.

In its place, a video of Edward on his piano, with me by his side, surfaced. This Edward was not bare-chested, much to my dismay. But the look of pure concentration and joy in his eyes dazzled me just the same. His fingers lightly pranced about the keys, touching each one gingerly, as if each note had a specific calling to be played. A smile was pasted on the Bella by his side.

I couldn't help but be envious of the video version of myself. But none the less, I decided not to hide the feeling of being jovial. I hadn't been this happy in a long time.

The melody filled the Cullen house quite easily. Video Bella quietly swayed to the soft beat of the song, closing her eyes and slowly placing her head on Edward's shoulders, humming the tune and tapping her hand to her knee with the flow of the rhythm.

_How embarrasing, _I thought.

The song faded with his hands no longer touching the keys, and I immediately wished he would entrance me more with his angelic talent. Memory Bella kept her head glued to his muscled shoulder.

I glanced over at Edward once more. He was smirking toward the memory version of me.

"Am I a bed to you now?" he asked.

"No. You're even better. With a bed, I can't be assured I'll have a good night's sleep. But when I'm with you, it doesn't matter," Video Bella replied nonchalantly.

_Wow, _I realized, _I really lay it on thick._

But Edward didn't seem to realize. He merely gazed down at the girl by his shoulders, and continued to smirk. I almost shouted at him, but remembered the video couldn't reply back. I just stood there smiling.

"When I'm with you, I don't need to care about anything, let alone the sleep I can never endure."

Video Bella glanced up from her perched post to gaze up into his eyes. For a moment, the two simply stood still, looking at each other with an intense study. Gracefully, a hand shot up to her face, and she blushed, continuing to look into his topaz eyes. They were in love, it was easy to see.

That's you.

I laughed. It was a healthy dose of realization. I finally understood what we looked like in those moments we simply stared. I finally grasped the love Edward had for me, always would have for me. It didn't matter that he left me. It didn't matter anymore that I was left for months to wallow in misery. And it certainly didn't matter that he lied to me. Because I saw all the truth in those eyes. In our merged stares.

We were in love. And he was wrong; I did know how much he loved me. As much as I did to him.

I sighed at the sight of the memory fading.

"I miss you Edward," I whispered. "I miss you so much."

I didn't have time to conduct tears or dwell on the future. Another wisp of video appeared upon the walls in a colorful haze.

I didn't ever remember a similar memory I had to this vision as I had with the others.

Edward was sitting on what looked to be a beach, wearing only a pair of board shorts.

_How delicious,_ I thought.

The sun was beating down on his glorious form. He was smiling, looking stunning with his sunglasses on.

But something was different. And I gasped.

Edward wasn't shimmering. In fact, as I inspected closer, I noticed many things. He wasn't as pale; his skin had a certain tanned glow to him, like he had been in the sun and actually...tanned. His hair was still as messy and rugged as ever, but the bronze tinge was less pronounced.

But I couldn't believe he wasn't shimmering!

_How could this be?_

Unless...

A pale girl with brown-spun hair in a swimsuit rushed up out of the water and ran up to Edward. She was medium height, with a heart shaped face, and a red tinge to her cheeks.

Me.

"Hey Edward. Why don't you come down for a swim with me?" Her eyes had a hint of mischief. I was almost possessive.

"Go ahead, Bella. You know I have to stay dry. I have to get our date ready."

Date? What was going on?

Wet Bella strode over to Edward and sat down. Edward quickly wrapped his arms around her and proceeded to stare at her through his sunglasses. The same adoration was evident in her eyes. Obviously something was different, though.

It was only when Edward took off his sunglasses that I realized it. His eyes were green.

He was human.

My jaw stood agape as I tried to process the memory that was still reeling.

_Human? What kind of memory was this? Is this even possible?_

Thoughts zoomed through my head as I tried to make an understanding with the situation.

_It has to just be another fake memory, like the last one, _I told myself. _He's gone. And he can't be..._

_Human._

My eyes redirected themselves back to the memory, and I lost all conception of an internal argument.

Edward and video Bella were staring once again.

Edward slowly moved his hand up and down her arms, all the while never breaking contact through his gaze. Ever so slowly, both foreheads touched.

"I love you, Isabella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

I was left to my thoughts and my smile as the memory drifted away to the plain, white wall. I decided I couldn't make anything of the visions. And I didn't want to. I enjoyed them, and they brought back happiness to my life.

I sighed.

I heard a smooth, velvet chuckle behind me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I knew that chuckle. I had heard it millions of times in my head over the past few months, not to mention the number of times I heard it when he was with me. I would recognize it anywhere, but I was afraid to turn around. Afraid that if I did, he wouldn't be there. And it would only hurt that much worse. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, hoping that whatever was behind me, reminding me of him, would go away so I could reminisce in peace.

But all I heard was the soft chuckle again.

This time, I was determined to make that person go away. All I wanted was Edward. I turned around to give whatever it was a piece of my mind, but froze dead in my tracks when I saw what was there. It was hard for me to believe that the figure in front of me was really standing there. It was impossible. It was the tangible version of him, I could tell. But he looked exactly the same. His tall figure glided gracefully over the ground and he was so close I could probably reach out and touch him. But I was too afraid he would vanish as soon as I did, so I kept my hands to myself. All I could do now was stare at his glorious face; bask in the scenery. The side of his mouth pulled up into his famous crooked grin and for the first time in what felt like years, every single bit of pain in my chest dissipated like a popsicle in the summertime.

It was a weird feeling, not having the pain throbbing at me. I felt an odd sense of relaxation coursing through my veins.

_It's not real_, a voice in the back of my mind told me.

But I didn't care. I didn't care at all. Edward was here, in front of me. So close I could smell the delicious scent of his breath brushing my cheek, just as soft as a butterfly's wing.

I still couldn't get myself to touch him, though. I couldn't do it. I refused to let my selfishness and craving to touch him drive him away. Instead, he was the one that reached out to me first. Tentatively, he reached an arm around my waist and anchored it there, gauging my reaction. My eyes closed in the amazing feeling of being in his arms again. The cold was familiar, and I wanted to cry of happiness. He was here. With me. I had no idea how long it would be for, but I wasn't going to let it go to waste.

He pulled me closer, so our bodies were flush together, his freezing body clashing horribly with my overly-warm one. This time, he wrapped both arms around me and rested his cheek on the top of my head.

Even though I was so afraid he was going to disappear the second I touched him, I mimicked his movements and put my head on his chest, closing my eyes. It felt as though a sunlight was warming us both; even Edward's chilled skin. I took deep breaths; ones that would help me savor and remember this moment for later.

I had so much to say, but at the same time I refused to ruin this perfect moment with words. Words weren't needed with us. And I loved that about him. I could comfortably lie in his arms for hours and not say a word.

One of his hands—I was too entranced to notice which—started slowly rubbing my back. It wasn't sexual, but it was a different feel than the fatherly one I had received from Carlisle earlier today. It was more comforting than anything. It was his way of telling me he loved me without any words. And at that moment, that very moment, I knew it would be okay.

I would be okay.

As long as Edward was here with me, in my mind at the very least, I could survive.

He hummed contentedly, as if mentally agreeing with me. The vibrations of his vocal chords reverberated soothingly on the top of my head. I could spend the rest of my life here. I'd give up everything in a heartbeat and stay like this. Who needs food and water when you have Edward?

I tightened my arms around him and buried myself closer into his stone chest. Maybe if I buried myself far enough into him, we wouldn't have to separate. He could come back to the real world with me, and I could go back to wherever he was with him. It was simple, really.

I would never let go. Ever.

We held each other for a very long time. The tingling I felt earlier returned, and I shivered to the odd sensation. Edward chuckled, shaking his shoulders, sending his vibrations my way.

I was content.

But slowly, I could feel the numbing begin to end. The tingling stopped. And Edward no longer felt cold.

And ever so slightly, Edward released his grip on me with ease, placing my hands by my side, as if commanding them to stay there. I couldn't move. I was rooted to the ground.

My eyes darted for his retreating form, shock and fear evident on my face.

_Don't leave me, _my eyes shouted.

Pain was evident in his eyes as he stood in front of me. By surprise, his hand shot up and caressed my cheek once more. His fingers twirled in my hair longingly, biding time.

"I still love you, silly Bella. Always have, always will."

I stayed frozen on the spot, staring at him with love-filled eyes and despair. Deep down, I knew he why he was leaving; my transformation was almost complete. And abstract Edward, no matter how much I wanted him to stay, had to go.

Tears made their way to my eyes. I could feel the hole that had miraculously mended break back open to its original state. I let out a sharp yelp with each cracking my heart made.

His hands lingered once more on my face. And the coolness I was so used to, the iciness of his skin, was no more.

I was cold too. I was a vampire.

I blinked back my tears and gasped.

Edward was gone.

And in my hand, stood a lone freesia.

The Cullens said that the transformation from human to vampire was the most confusing, painful thing in the world.

As the white room darkened to the face of Carlisle, I completely agreed.

* * *

**A/N:** This is Ben's favorite chapter. It's one of my favorites too, seconded only to Imperishable Ties (just because that one is like my child). Anyway, so you got to see a little bit of Edward. Hope you liked it.

Oh, and sorry to whoever reviewed and got a preview of this new chapter. As Ben and I were writing last night, there was a change of plans so most of the preview of what I sent got taken out. But you still got to have some BellaxEdward moments, even if it was in her mind.

So review and tell us what you think. And then go read and review _Typing Love in French_, and tell us your thoughts on that. We'll be like your psychiatrists; Tell Us How You _Feel_... about our stories. Hahah.

Anyway, Until Tuesday.

-tALLIE-marked BENto box.


	9. A Blazing Fire

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N****:** So here's Chapter 8. Not a lot to say, but it's got a pretty terrible cliffhanger. Not too terribly sad, but definitely not happy either. We're expecting angry reviews, but please be nice. You'll understand our reasoning soon enough.

**THIS IS IS IMPORTANT!! To those of you who read the story until about 5 p.m. on Tuesday, the 16th, Ben added A LOT more to the chapter after being rushed to finish on the due date. Allie and I really wanted to give you guys more, as we were kind of disappointed initially in the story.**

ALSO: Allie's really sick, but still found it in her heart to stay up late last night so she could post this for you guys. Needless to say, she is feeling worse now than she was last night. So please make her feel better with reviews and PMs lol...

Make sure while reading this chapter you're away from sharp objects. We wouldn't want you to hurl things at your monitor in reading this sad, at the time unneccesary and merciless, chapter. BUT BELIEVE ME: it is needed. Just remember that there will be a sequel.

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By cALLIEfornia BENches**

**3 Months Later**

I guess I could say that I enjoyed immortality. I no longer needed to sleep; I could spend my nights being productive and useful to what life had to offer me. And without dreaming, there was no such thing as nightmares. I had all the time, literally. I could run with joy and without fear of tripping all the time. People could see me as beautiful, something I never knew I ever really wanted thrust upon myself. I adjusted well into the vampiric society I had wanted for the last year.

And I was a Cullen.

But sitting alone, in the dark, with the curtains pulled over my windows to hide the morning sun, I couldn't decide anything for sure. While I no longer needed to lay my head on my pillow for well-rested naps, the nightmares I thought I had finally dodged and left in my subconscious simply followed me into reality. The eternity I had was spent sitting by myself, or learning to assimilate into a life that wasn't colorful and never would be with what I'd been through. The darkness I was absorbed in even now wasn't dark enough; my eyes adjusted too easily to the shadows. I couldn't hide from even myself. There was no point in running through the woods when I could never run from my troubles. They simply dawdled behind. And while I was beautiful, I never felt it. In fact, the notion of my flawlessness was overbearingly annoying. I had no one to show my beauty to that was simply worth my time and affection.

And even being a Cullen was no longer the perk I thought it to be. Pity was thrown on me in buckets; the only Cullen without a mate. Someone to hold onto. To be helpful. To protect.

Not that I needed protection. I protected myself. I was independent.

All this effort, all the wishes to be part of eternity, was lost. I had no one. My shoulder to lean on was stolen from me. I could no longer cry some little part of my large sorrow away; my feelings stayed bundled in my mind, forever presenting itself by adding new troubles upon my stack of the used. I simply welled up with unshedable tears that slightly stung my eyes and only dimmed my perfect vision. I was a mess. One that had become wrapped in beautiful armor. But this shield that I wanted so long ago trapped me inside; I was never as emotional as I was in my human state. But I always remembered and cried those tears inside of me.

But the fact stood. Edward was gone. I had tried hard to start this new life with a new mind, one clear of the bronze-haired angel. But that was damn near impossible.

Every distinct and defined flower I saw reminded me of the meadow. Every single smile I saw the petty humans exude reminded me of the half-crooked perfection Edward used with his lips. There was no way around him. What little of him there was, lived through me.

I still could remember my human identity with clarity. My memories with Edward, I knew, would never cease to erase themselves from my mind. But my life in school, the life outside of the dingy biology class and my walks to gym, they were fading and blurring. I still remembered some people: Charlie and Jacob. I was told I knew a Renee. I don't recollect her face nor do I remember who she was. My mother, I believe...

I could bring back images of the meadow. I knew James, and the bite marks he left me still shimmered like a scar on my wrist. But that was about it.

I was miserable. Three months into the transformation, and I was horribly downcast. But I didn't regret my decision. I never could. I did it to remember Edward, I guess. It wouldn't have mattered anyway: he was always on my mind. Of course, no matter how many times Carlisle had announced his sorrow for allowing himself to change me into a depressed immortal, I always assured him it was for the best. I wasn't lying, either.

I knew exactly why I chose this life, this simple existence. Why I forgot my friends and gave no thought to whom I would lose. I lived eternity for Edward. I breathed in every smell for him. I saw through his eyes, and I ran through the woods with his senses.

I lived to preserve his memory. Through me, the rest of the family would know that their son wasn't gone. Never truly. I was an emblem and a symbol for true love. I willingly sacrificed myself to uphold the bond. Because Edward was not dead. Gone, yes. But never dead. He was always here...

I knew that at this moment, wherever he may be, he would be frowning at my decision. That I didn't join him. But I knew he wouldn't want me to lose myself. He would have wanted me to carry on. He just didn't know that I did this for him. And he would have to realize that I picked immortality for him. He wasn't dead.

I just knew it. No amount of visions and words uttered from Tanya's crying lips could sway my belief. I just knew Edward could never die.

Never.

I took his place. I was a Cullen.

But I wasn't treated so much as of late. Esme never looked me in the eye. She welled up in tears just about every time I entered a room she was present in. She talked to me occasionally, about planning to plant a few flowers when summer came back. She always strayed from the taboo of mentioning him in front of me. I couldn't blame her. My melancholy reminded her of Edward before he had met me, Carlisle said. Alice was of some help. But she could never be the truly ecstatic and energetic pixie I once knew. She seemed to take everything pretty hard; her hair lost its spiky volume, and for once, her shoulders sagged, making her look extremely tiny and stick-like. Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

As for Rosalie and Emmett, there wasn't much. The two were, as the rest, taking his "death" with slow understanding. Rosalie finally became kind-hearted toward me after realizing what I went through. It was bittersweet; I appreciated her long-awaited acceptance, but I was bothered by the pity it was subjugated upon.

There was also the Denali coven. Tanya finally understood her place, I guess. She never talked to me unless to relay news from Alice. She got over her "sadness" quite hurriedly after I was born again. Carmen, Kate, and Irina were nice enough to leave me to my troubles and my adjustments. I saw Eleazer only a few times; he too gave me solace of my own.

They stayed their distance when the time permitted to it.

While I was a Cullen, the only person I talked to was Carlisle. He understood the true pain I was battling inside. We agreed to not speak _his _name in front of the others; no point in drowning the rest in more dreadful sadness. But he and I chose to talk about him. That's almost all we ever did when we spoke to each other.

We wouldn't let his name ever go in vain. Edward would never have wanted that.

Through my love, I gained another father over the wreckage.

But I sat in the darkness of my room, watching the slow climbing moon. Carlisle returned to the hospital every once in a while, coming back at only days at a time. In those weeks where he was gone, I lurked about the house, a zombie in a vampire's body. I was still the same girl Edward left in the woods; frail, vulnerable, and shaky. I was just in a better disguise. And I knew Edward loved me. I was tired of doubting myself; a perk I gained after my transformation.

Oddly, though, I never expressed my sadness to anyone. I closed myself off until I was in my room; my haven.

It had been 3 months of blazing revelations.

Currently, I was lying on my back on my now useless bed, which I still used more than anything in the Denali house. With my refined vision and amazing memory, I had no problem keeping myself entertained with counting the bumps on the ceiling as slowly as I could. I knew, if I used my vampire speed, I could probably finish within a minute or two, so I decided to prolong it and go even slower than the average human.

_4,920,510, 4,920,511, 4,920,512, 4,920,513..._

A knock at my door didn't distract my counting. I knew it had to be someone other than Carlisle; he had stopped knocking ages ago, and just let himself into my room.

_4,920,514, 4,920,515, 4,920,516..._

The door creaked and I could make out Alice's petite head poking through the crack she had made. "Bella?" she asked quietly. She knew I had yet to talk to anyone but Carlisle in the past three months, and I think it was hurting her a little. But she was only here off and on, usually spending every other week or so with Jasper, wherever he was. I was truly sympathetic for no longer talking to my best friend. She was coping as well. But my method involved little to no one. Placing Alice between me and my fears was futile. But it wasn't as if I was avoiding her.

I didn't respond, so she walked further into the room. I slowed my counting even more so I would have to focus almost all of my attention on the one task instead of looking at her.

"Bella," she repeated. I hardly heard her. "You need to get out. When was the last time you hunted?"

Honestly, I couldn't remember. A week or two ago, maybe? I focused harder.

_4,920,517, 4,920,518..._

She pulled herself up on my bed and I felt a weird sense of déjà vu. This was a lot like the night just before she had left with Jasper; she was sitting on my bed, her knees pulled to her chest, the awkward silence stretching so taut I decided to stop breathing.

_Thank goodness for that ability._

"I know you only like Carlisle, and I know you haven't been taking what happened so well, but you need to take care of yourself. We wanted to take you out in public, soon. How are we going to do that if you haven't hunted since the last World War? Come on," she coaxed, "It'll be nice to get out of this stuffy room."

I bit my lip as I considered this. Part of me was beyond angry at her for bringing _him_ up—it was an unwritten rule in the house that he was never brought up in my presence, although I often heard them talking about him and me, as if they had forgotten I was no longer human and could hear them through the floorboards of my room. And I don't think anyone could abruptly end a conversation like me. It seemed as though every time I entered a room, someone snapped their mouth shut and glanced nervously my way, wondering what I had heard and how long I had been there.

But the other part of me knew she was right. I needed to go out and do something. If I was going to take a first step, Alice would be the best person to do it with. She had been my best friend, all those months ago. And I had been neglecting her.

I blinked, losing my count on the ceiling bumps.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "I know."

She jumped slightly and sat up straighter, surprised that I had said anything at all. She hadn't heard me talk since the dreadful Volterra day. I'm sure it came to her as a shock that I had voiced words of my own volition. A smile almost tugged at my lips had I remember why I surprised her.

"So...," she trailed off awkwardly, "What do you want to go do?"

I thought about it a moment, not moving at all from my place on my bed. "I need to hunt, definitely. But then maybe after we can go out and do something?" Try as I might to be peaceful, I think we both knew I didn't mean it.

_Please say no..._

Thankfully, Alice came to the rescue and gave me a real excuse. "Bella, you know it's still too dangerous. As much as I'd love to take you out, I don't know how well you've been prepared to be around human scents. Your first time, it's pretty powerful and overwhelming. You don't think straight. Your only instinct is to go after whatever it is you smell. And in this case, that would be bad. Very bad."

I lifted my head and studied her. She looked worried, but in the reflection of her own eyes I could see a mirrored image of myself. I looked beyond shocked. It was the first time she had said too much in one breath in as long as I can remember. It brought back a surge of memories, ones of which I had forgotten about until today. It was weird recalling my old days with Alice.

"Okay," I drawled. "Then, what?"

"Well, I think it'd be too big of a step for you to go out into the public. Not only because of the bloodlust, but because you've hardly left your room in months. I think too many new things would be a shock to your system. I don't think you'd handle it well."

I nodded once, not in the mood to argue.

"Let's go, then. Throw on some more comfortable clothing and we can go. I'll go tell Esme," she said just before leaving the room. I sighed once before getting up to change.

I took my time with dressing. I was dreading actually being active, I almost forgot what it felt like. I slipped some jeans on and a shirt I used to wear. The flaps that once snugly held at my arms were loose; in my transformation, I had lost weight to accentuate my beauty. I would have to tell Alice to buy me new clothes after this hunt.

I finished putting on my clothes much faster than I wanted to. I looked toward the door with a slight hesitation; I was going to learn how to live again. Sure, I might have hunted before. I knew how to hunt. But today felt too... normal. Like the puzzle I had scrambled up was coming back into place. The only thing was that there was a piece missing.

I let out an unnecessary gush of breath out and opened the door to the hallway. The hallway lamps startled my eyes, which quickly adjusted.

_I might need to brighten up my room._

With slow steps, I made my way down the hallway and towards the stairs.

_THUD_

I tripped on the top flight and began to roll down the steps.

I quickly righted myself up and looked to see my shoelaces untied and the edge of the stairs bent from my fall. I was going to have to fix that.

I laughed in my head. I was so silly. And clumsy even now.

Today was the closest I had been to normal since I was 17.

I met Alice out by the porch, a little to enthused from my journey out the house. I guess Alice noticed.

"Did something happen that I missed?" She questioned.

"No. Just that today seems to be one of the brightest," I noted nonchalantly.

We made our way towards the edge of the forest. Snow still thickly blanketed the terrain and trees around us, giving the impression of a field of white cotton. Together, we made our way into the forest at human's pace.

"So... How's life been?" asked Alice awkwardly.

"Look Alice," I started. "If you want to talk about Edward with me, talk about it. I hate it that everyone treats like I'm some fragile human again, when I'm not. Carlisle is the only one who actually understands that. So if you want to be my sister, act like it, and talk to me." It took seconds before shock registered on both Alice and mine's face. I couldn't believe I said that. But it was true. I missed Alice. I just couldn't handle her bullshit censory any longer.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I was busy trying to be happy with Jasper. I completely walked out of the situation for my own selfish needs and consolances. I should never have left my sister. I left you in the dark. It's completely my fault Edward isn't here," she blurted, tears forming in her eyes and her tiny frame shaking in sobs, "I should have driven faster. I could have saved him! I could have plowed through the square in that car. I could have saved him! I could have saved you, too!"

Alice heaved dry sobs as her shoulders shook violently. I had never seen Alice so distraught and so human. I ran over to her and hugged her; it was the only thing I could think of.

"I'm sorry for being closed off, Alice. Edward meant a lot to everyone. Not just me. It was never your fault. Fate works in crazy ways, and we cannot control the past. Don't put yourself down for something you can't control." I laughed. "Your job is controlling the future."

Alice managed to giggle at the remark. We sat in silence on the porch steps for a while.

I sighed. This was strange. The normalcy of the situation began to mend the cracks inside me. I could feel the pressure lighten.

I turned toward the smiling pixie and suggested we hunt. I really needed to run and think. I needed to be alone.

"How about we hunt seperately. I really would like to do this myself. There's a lot to think about."

I could see a slight disappointment in Alice's eyes. But she quickly glanced up and nodded.

"I'll be a few miles away looking for deer if you need me," she commented before leaping out of the distance.

I turned around and hurled myself into the forest.

Moments later, I was running through the thick woods at a lightening pace. Alice was right; the feeling of being outside the cooped house was refreshing. I really did need to get out and explore. I needed to be a vampire. It was like this was what I was born to do.

_What to hunt?_

I dodged the branches easily. I could hear a herd of grazing deer off to my right. _Too easy, _I thought. I needed a challenge. I needed something to get my mind off the abysmal concept of my life. I just needed to let my senses overcome my body. Let myself bow to the vampire within me, and have a moment of peace.

_What to hunt?_

With the force of a freight train, I was brought to a stop by a mouthwatering, familiar smell. Almost like cinnamon, but a little muskier and more wild. The aroma wafted through my nostrils and flared my venom glands to drip buckets upon my tongue.

Sweet, sweet, smell.

It smelled like Edward. But at the same time, it didn't. It held too much of a game-like smell to be him, but the cinnamon stench and musky undertone held his face to the inhaled heaven. I sighed in contentment. The monster within me purred.

_Let your senses go, love. _A low chuckle echoed in my mind and I smiled.

There goes that voice again. I paused to listen to the soft ringing of each word in my mind.

Ever since becoming a vampire, I had been being mocked with high cruelty; I heard Edward speaking to me, like was during my human life. It was the only time I cared to smile; it affirmed my faith of his presence in me. But a small part of me doubted these velvet words. They were illusions I would be smart not to become involved with. I no longer had a heart to break; what else was to snap under the pressure of my lost love? I took the time to process the words and his face.

But this time, the voice was right; I wanted to find the origin of the smell. I had to let my senses propel me. I looked around; Alice was not close by. I could hear faint footsteps far behind me, in soft rhythm. The smell was pooling my venom toward my lips.

I was hungry.

_Leave your reason, silly Bella. Give in._

I closed my eyes and reveled in the soft voice.

"As you wish."

And with that, I crouched down low, craning my head to the sky in an attempt to locate the delicious smell. My mouth was watering; I could have been drooling venom at this point.

I stilled myself on the ground, and waited. Suddenly, like a fire given more fuel, I burst from the ground, surprising myself and the rustling, broken leaves I left behind. I had only one purpose as far as my menace could tell: find the smell. And dine.

I don't think I ever ran as fast as I did. Feral groans emerged from my mouth, almost silent, but frothing with wild and uninhibited hunger. The only thought other than my drive was Edward. I could picture him moving gracefully by my side, egging me on.

_Turn right, Bella._

_Left, 235 degrees North._

_Almost there, love._

I followed the voice in my head; Edward and my senses.

The scent was getting closer with each and every stride I took. I could have bathed in the aroma. I continued to run until the smell was strong enough to push me over the edge of ecstasy. I could only faintly hear birds chirping and leaves blowing in the soft wind.

I halted.

What I saw before me made me stop in my tracks and take in a deep inhalation of the sweet aroma in front of me.

A large, red-brown mountain lion lay perched underneath a rocky cave, its beady cat-eyes staring intently at my own. It had made small footprints in the snow below it

I snorted. I could see why Edward enjoyed hunting them so much. The animal was beautiful. The feline, in every way, was majestic and proud. Edward would have loved to be at my side. He would already be there, ready to pounce and kill.

I knew one thing; the cat smelled delicious.

I watched the cat speculatively, making small and steady, statue-like movements toward the cave. A look of dread and curiosity filled the lion's eyes. It knew what was to come, and it wasn't going to give up without a fight.

A large hiss escaped the lion's mouth, and it accentuated the sharp and long teeth it held. I didn't realize I had hissed back until the cat recoiled to the noise. With more speed, I approached the cave, no longer remembering of getting hurt. A few scratches would do nothing. I would heal. _I'm a vampire. _The cat hissed again and, to my surprise, lunged from its position to down on the floor, a mere hundred feet from where I stood still. The cat didn't know what kind of fight it was getting itself into. I laughed out loud carelessly.

Snow began to fall around us. I let out a roar, to which the white powder off the trees began to shake and crumble to the forest floor.

_Get back to your senses, love. You can do it. Don't be afraid._

I wanted to thank him. But I realized that I was afraid. I knew that I could kill the lion easily. I could take away it's life in a matter of seconds. The cat wouldn't even know what hit it. But did I want to? This was Edward's job. Edward's animal. Killing it would be much too symbolic. After the meal, I would feel guilty. Deer were one thing; but this would remind me of Edward more than I wanted it to.

Or did I?

The internal battle played about in my head. All the while, the lion circled in a spot cautiously, ready to pounce at moment's notice.

And in it, I saw my answer.

The cat was an enemy. Not my sweet Edward. The lion was my challenge to a good meal. It was a barrier to being happy. The cat was the Volturi. It was Victoria. It was Jane. It was Italy. It was the sun; it was everything I wanted gone.

I had to kill it now. I had to kill it _for _Edward.

I crouched down low, my eyes trained on the slowly moving target. Instinctually, my feet shuffled to the left, and the cat followed. Together, we created the dance of death. The cat's death...

The cat and I circled the forest floor, our eyes never leaving each other. I wanted him. And he knew that I was no ordinary human. I wasn't weak and breakable anymore; I was a vampire.

As slow as I could move, my hands reached toward the ground below me and I crouched low. I bared my teeth and let loose a feral growl.

_Three. Two..._

But before I could pounce, a cackle of laughter punctuated the sky with the sound of thunder. I gasped; I knew that cackle of breath. It brought back the image of fiery orange to my mind with automatic force. Visions of my last nightmare flashed before my eyes.

The orange flames and the swift snappings of an arm.

I shuddered.

There was no more battle with the mountain lion. I was no longer hungry after hearing the thunderous clap of leering. All my internal battle in my feasting was no longer important. In place of my hunger, anger and utter fury replaced.

I quickly turned from the mountain lion and ran towards the echo with a vengeance. Toward Victoria.

I swiftly sprinted, weaving around trees and branches. Victoria was here; she was asking for a death sentence. I was going to rip away her remains until there was nothing left of her but a useless pile of ashes. She was going to pay for what she did.

In the distance, I heard an odd snapping noise, like twigs. And the ear-shattering screeching continued. More snapping, more laughter.

_What is she doing here?_

I pictured my encounter and laughed. I was a newborn and much stronger than she. I had the drive and determination for an ending that was suited for my benefit. I don't know how, but she killed Edward. I saw it.

She was going to suffer like no other vampire ever did before. Gruesome images shot forth in my mind; dismembering her slowly, saving her head for last. I would let her watch herself burn. All the while, I would smile.

I didn't remember the time it took to get to the sound of her laughter and the smell of her. All I knew was that I found her.

I rounded into what appeared to be a snowy white clearing, and craned my neck in sight of her.

My eyes stopped at the sight to my right and I stood rigid as a board. All adrenaline froze within my body.

Ahead was Victoria, cackling maniacally, rolling on the floor in a crazy haze of pure insanity.

Behind her lay a large, smoldering fire dancing upon a pile of charred wood.

And before it burned, I caught a glimpse of a small hand turning quickly to ashes. One that matched to a pixie of a Cullen.

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**A/N**: -_Dodges bullets being shot by readers-_. LISTEN before you get angry. We tried as hard as we could to avoid this. We didn't want to do this. In fact, we had a long discussion debating whether or not to do it, especially so close after Bella's vision. But when it came down to it, the characters write themselves. Plus, this leads to a VERY significant plotline in the story that's a vital part of the sequel. It's not going to be hard to catch on to as soon as we write it. Then again, I know what's going to happen, so maybe it's just more obvious to me. Haha. Anyway, I can promise you this much; **this is the last (good character) death until the very last chapter of this story.** So you can put your tissues away (for the most part... maybe leave a few out just in case).

Remember, reviewers get sneak peeks at the next chapter!

**ALSO, ON A HAPPIER NOTE: Last week, Allie and I posted our new story, Typing Love in French. If you want to be amazing and to be happy once again, check it out and review. you won't be disappointed lol  
**

_Until Friday, with love,  
_

-Ben-Jammin' and Allison-Wonderland.


	10. Little Ashes

**Disclaimer**: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **This chapter is seriously not for the faint of heart. The chapter has a lot of violence and, like always, depression. But trust me, this is the last death before the last chapter. But this is easily the least depressing death. So strap in those seatbelts, put those tissues and chocolate bars by your computer and get ready for this emotional roller coaster of a ride.

Enjoy. And be prepared. :)

**(Allie says) I agree with Ben on pretty much all of the above. Hopefully you appreciate this chapter. :) Because... well, you'll see why. Sorry it's a bit short, but it's longer than we expected. We expected maybe 5 to 6 pages, and we really got like 9. So yay! And thanks to all those who told me to feel better. I'm feeling much better, thank you. :) Anyway. Start reading. :)**

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**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

_Previously, On WHWHW:_

'_Ahead was Victoria, cackling maniacally, rolling on the floor in a crazy haze of pure insanity._

_Behind her lay a large, smoldering fire dancing upon a pile of charred wood._

_And before it burned, I caught a glimpse of a small hand turning quickly to ashes. One that matched to a pixie of a Cullen.'_

**Chapter 9**

I simply stared at the burning charcoal of ashes at the base of the flames. The fire licked at the sky, and melted the snow around it, almost daring it to challenge the heat. A thin line of silver smoke trailed from the fire, sending a dark and gray message to passerby. My ears lost all the ability to hear; the silence was replaced by low drone, one that was neither irritating nor comforting. My eyes glazed over and blurred while I gazed intently at the blushing fire, sending a mural of orange and ruby red upon my vision.

I wasn't breathing anymore. I didn't know what I was doing. The shock of my realization stalled my body in a portal of stillness and I was looking for every which excuse to keep myself busy from thinking about anything.

I was hypnotized by the bright orange display. The clarity of my eyes finally focused on each individual spark as it flew from the pit. From time to time, there sounded a sizzle of burning wood and ashes.

Those ashes…

I knew those ashes, long before they were reduced to rubble beneath dancing flames. Those ashes could smile. They could gracefully waltz through rooms, and understand friendship. Those ashes could love…

Alice. My poor, poor pixie.

How could this happen? Was there no merciful God whom wasn't so selfish as to steal angels from earth?

I shook my head vigorously and closed my eyes with all the force of my body.

The fire was playing tricks on my mind. There couldn't be ashes lying carelessly upon the charring wood. There couldn't. My devious mind was obviously creating an illusion to my eyes.

But I knew it was I who was trying to place illusions before me. I couldn't accept the death of another loved one. Another Cullen. Tears were pooling beneath my eyelids, warning to slide down my marble cheeks.

_But they never will. _

How I wanted them to slide down! I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to breathe in every amount of air and gush it out in sporadic and sputtering quakes of cries. I wanted to claw at my eyes and yelp in joy. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to just die; keel over on this floor all the while deserving every ounce of possible pain for my sins and guilt.

I wanted this guilt gone and to be washed away from my tears. And no matter what I wanted, it just wasn't enough. I wanted to feel everything I could endure that could hurt.

My chest was the closest thing that could enunciate my woes. It still cracked from time to time. But it wasn't enough!

_FALL, TEARS!_

The flames mocked me. They were inviting me to simply jump upon the hot coals and burn my troubles away, throwing each piece of sorrow and regret and watching it catch on fire.

My poor, poor Alice.

I looked up to the sky briefly in pure disgust. God was grateful to have an angel at it's gates. Had I not been filtered of the will to move, I would have shaken my fist up at the heavens for their selfishness.

I bowed my head and let the soft murmurs of sobs leak out of my lips. I simply let each shudder and gasp flow out like rivers into the cold air. Slowly, the soft cries led to wracking sobs I never knew my body could handle. Sharp convulsions of pain warped my body into a crunched stance.

I fell to my knees and opened my senses to the crunching of the snow beneath me.

I opened my eyes at the surprisingly real sound and peered down below me. The snow around me was a rude reminder of where I was and why I was here. Small, petite footprints etched themselves lightly onto the ground below me.

Alice had stood where I was.

I continued searching for more signs of her. Another footprint to my left excited me. I followed the path of her steps, each graceful in her own way and saw them stop in a flurry of ugly smears.

The path ended a mere feet from the fire. And another pair of feet.

Victoria.

At the mention of her name, my body instantly tensed, every muscle clenching to pounce. My vision sharpened and ears perked up to each sound of rustling leaves miles away. My fists were never so clenched tight.

_She did this. She killed Edward. Alice. My family._

I didn't care how she got here.

She wasn't going anywhere without having a friendly greeting with the fire first.

If looks could kill, she'd already be dead. I fiercely cocked my head to meet the eyes of a deranged and psychotic woman before me. Victoria looked different, oddly enough. Her already wild and untamed hair was even more so, with small clumps missing from her scalp. The way her body was crunched brought about an insane demeanor; her shoulders were hunched over with one high than the other.

I shot up to my feet, looking for the words to scream out to convey my hatred for the devil. But there was nothing I could say that could appease the pain I felt deep inside. I felt like someone had taken a hearty helping of my heart and left the rest to rot. My heart gave the notion of shaking in large tremors.

There was absolutely no way Victoria was getting out of here alive. She killed my loved ones, and in the process, me.

Her cackle of laughter pierced the gray sky with a thunderous shriek.

"You underestimated me, Bella. You didn't seem to believe me when I said I would hurt you. Have I done the job? Have I accomplished what I've set out to do?" Her eyes connected to mine and she knew she found her answer.

"James would be proud of me. The first death was merely to even up the scoreboard, as you know. But this," she pointed at the pile of ashes in the flames. I immediately tightened my jaw and prepared to choose which arm to disembody. "This," she continued, "was an extra. And if I do say so myself, quite a surprising one as well.

"She simply stumbled upon me looking for a sizable meal. Little did she know that in that split moment, I decided; her death would be more pain for you, dear. What I intended all along!" Her maniacal laugh left scars upon my mind.

I couldn't deal with anymore of her speech. More would just deepen these wounds.

Her fiery orange hair was nothing compared to the fire burning in my watered eyes. I was out to kill. I had never been this angry before. I could feel my body surge with electricity, ready to shoot out of my palms and hit her square in that heartless chest she bore.

My fury almost made me dizzy. I had to get a hold of myself if I was to enjoy her death. I was going to need an anchor to keep my emotions intact while I chose which arm to viciously maul first.

I thought of Edward.

What he would have done. He would be angry, more than me perhaps. Would he want me to fight her? Slash my fingers across her face, like I desired?

My poor Alice.

_Kill her. _The voice of velvet was grim. Anger boiled in those words, bubbles of steam surfacing with each letter. My anger boiled with his. Immediately, I felt a stream of energy I never knew I kept within me. I felt like I could do anything. I could. Edward was by my side, glaring at my target.

"With pleasure," I growled.

I saw Victoria's crazed eyes flicker with recognition. Death.

I lunged for her throat, only to be met with a smirk and a quick dodge on Victoria's part. My fury and pure anger drove me to my feet. Revenge was the fuel to my drive, and I was more than happy to settle the score. Who cared if I had no training experience? She was going to die before I would. There was absolutely no way I could fail, I was so furious with rage.

Another lunge and I proved inaccurate. I quickly regained my composure and dove left, feinting a direction and immediately turned right at the last moment, catching her off guard. Victoria's eyes betrayed a surprise, which quenched little of my unlimited thirst for death. My pounce met with her chest and a large groan emerged from her throat as we tumbled to the floor.

I scratch with all my might, blindly sweeping my fingernails across her body. My slashes brought about yelps emitting from Victoria, surprise evident on her face. _The bitch didn't see me coming, did she? Well, she's going to face a hell of a lot more surprises. _I continued to violently thrash my arms around her face, distorting her once beautiful face and breaking skin in the process.

Soon, my scratches turned to punches and straight blows to her face as I straddled her squirming body. My weight seemed too much for her to escape from, and I laughed. It was almost scary how similar my laugh was to Victoria's manic laugh not long ago. But I paid no mind; I was determined.

I was torn from wanting to slow down each punch and make her revel in the pain I'd been consumed in for so long. But the other half rebelled; Alice and Edward never got a chance. They never were able to live out their lives like they were supposed to. So why should she endure a few extra precious minutes of salvation.

The tears were blurring my vision, and my craze prohibited me from wiping them away, even though I wanted to see my damage.

But soon, I felt her squirming take on new course. Distracted, not paying enough attention; I wasn't sure. But I know that a kick in the chest was all it took for me to fly off of her with a grunt, sailing through the trees. I crashed loudly against a tall pine tree and it cracked beneath my force. I quickly regained my balance and wiped away the limited tears from my eyes.

Victoria was in front of me, glaring as wildly as I was sure I was at her. Only, she looked partially defeated already. She had been through one fight already today; I was completely unscathed. I had done some serious damage to the heartless fiend, in addition to Alice's damage; her face was no longer beautiful, but beaten to a pulp. Being a vampire, her face began to slowly re-inflating itself from the multiple blows I wielded upon it.

"You bitch," she spat. "Trying to fight, I see. Already a better opponent than the midget of one I ruined to ashes."

My fury took over once more and I charged. However, Victoria seemed just as ready and dodged out of the way once more, grabbing at my blurring figure and pinning me to the ground with such a force, I would never have woken up had I still been human.

_CRACK_

I let out an agonizing scream as I felt two of my fingers detach from my hand. The pain quickly left my body, and brought with it an onslaught of anger. I thrashed about, slowing Victoria down, who held my hands high above my head in a wristlock while stepping forcefully on my stomach with her booted shoes.

I had to get out. I had to regain and avenge Edward and Alice

"I'm glad I killed the ones you loved. It was so enjoyable to watch each and every one of them suffer." She cackled menacingly.

"SHUT UP!" I bellowed. I didn't want to hear it.

Almost as if she knew my request, she went on, "You know, taking care of the pesky girl was no problem, I must tell you. She didn't put up much of a fight; she seemed surprised actually, like she never saw it coming. Ahhh…,"she inhaled, "I can still smell the perfume she wore." I continued to thrash and try to tune out the horrible images in my head of Alice being tortured. I didn't understand I could have so much pent up fury and anger inside of me at one point.

"But you seem to know that she wasn't the only one dead from my hands, did you child?" she sniveled. I immediately roared all the while glaring at her. I wasn't a child. I could fight my own wars. Victoria's foot shifted down my stomach and with lightening speed, quickly raised in and stomped with a deafening thud, expelling all air out of my lungs. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to continue her speech.

_Please don't talk about him. Don't…_

"I killed another. He was much more important. A gate to your heart, I presume?" Another kick in the gut left me no time to retaliate. I need to relinquish her from her vice grip. Victoria laughed menacingly as she slowly traveled down my body with her foot, sending more stomps, breaking my left leg in a surge of pain.

"He deserved his dues. An eye for an eye… My James for your pathetic excuse for a…"

I didn't let her finish that sentence as an overbearing roar pierced the sky and I used all my strength to be released from her grip.

In an instant, I found her hand and pulled her to the ground, straddling her once more, and gaining the upper hand.

Victoria never uttered a word as I used her body as a personal chopping table, flying kicks and punches all over. I twisted both her wrists, in hopes that she knew she could never touch anyone.

I broke both her legs and, in fury, detached one and tossed it to the flames. A loud shriek pronounced itself. It was as if the burning of her leg was giving her pain beyond measure. The monster in me smiled with glee. I continued to break every bone in her body.

The arm.

A rib, maybe two.

Her hip was shattered by my fist. It didn't matter that I most likely did the same to my hand in the process.

Both knees.

And I reveled in a crazed happiness with each slow breaking of her toes. But all this pain and torture amounted to very little of what I wanted her to experience. I wanted to sacrifice her to get Alice back. To get Edward back. I wanted to make sure she wouldn't even recognized herself in hell when I was finished with her.

"This... this is for Alice." I speedily grabbed her waist and dug my fingers into them, sending shocks of yelps from Victoria.

"This is for every heart you've broken in my family." I began to pull out that symbolic fiery hair that tormented me in my dreams for so long.

"And this…" I stuttered with emotion as I looked straight into her pleading eyes, "This is for my love. A love you had no right to take away from me. THIS IS FOR EDWARD!!" A look of shock and… almost unfamiliarity spread across her face before I quickly shook her head off her shoulders and threw it into the flames.

In haste, I began chucking all limbs and pieces I had dismembered from her into the dancing flames. The faster they burned the better, the quicker I could heal what I would be able to.

Violent and bloody curdling cries of sorrow echoed from the fire with each part I placed. Sparks flew in every which way and large cackling reverberated off the orange heat.

When I was finished, and the screams ceased to be heard, I sank to the ground with a pathetic thud. It was over. The fear of Victoria was placed into the burning heap along with her, and I could let out a breath of relief.

But it got stuck in my throat.

Any relief I could feel was gone; another soul was lost. Because of me. It was all because of me. Alice's death was avoidable. I should have never walked out of the house. I should have continued with my miserable existence counting ceiling bumps. Edward could have lived. I could have avoided him in Biology. I could have refrained from asking about him. Couldn't I? I knew the answer was no.

I heaved dry sobs, angry at the emotion and myself that I could never portray through my immortality. I never missed my tears as much as I did now. I doomed a family of vampires through my existence.

_The Cullens._

What was I going to tell them? How was I going to tell them? That their daughter, sister, and wife was dead in the woods because of me? That I let another Cullen sacrifice themselves for me?

How was Jasper going to deal with this? I knew that I would never be the same without Edward. But Jasper and Alice guided each other. Without her, Jasper would never have met the Cullen's. He never would have received a family.

I lay on the ground, standing with my knees, sobbing uncontrollably in front of the fire that held ashes of two vampires.

The pain of losing Alice brought back the unrelenting pain of losing Edward as well. And this time, I had no heart to cushion the blow with. My heart ceased to beat; its many scars were already a monument of the past I had gone through.

Where was I going to recount these sorrows and woes?

I realized that there was no way I could. I was stuck to deal with all the present pain in my mind. I couldn't stash it somewhere. I deserved all this guilt and shame; I was worthless and a curse.

I cared for a family with all my heart. I loved Alice and Edward too much to ignore the signs; I had to leave the Cullens sooner or later, for their own sake. Esme could be happy once again without me. Carlisle wouldn't have the burden of becoming my personal therapist once I left. Jasper could live with his family that I had prevented him from because of my instability. Rosalie would get what she always wanted; I would be gone. Emmett, he would simply be at his wife's side, laughing away his troubles.

I was no longer needed. I never was.

I was to leave this family for their sake.

I'd leave once I repaired a decent amount of damage. Once I was able to make them adjust with Alice and Edward.

The flames simmered and died. Night came rapidly. Twilight and the sunset never even came into focus. My world was dulling with each breath of air I took.

I limped over to my detached fingers and gingerly bent down to pick them up. I had to go home and become the bearer of bad news.

I walked slowly away from the forest. But not before I turned around and watched the wind sweep up my dear Alice's ashes into the dark blue sky.

* * *

**A/N**: Did you like it? Sadly, Alice is gone. But so is Victoria. Don't hate us just yet. Everything we do has a MOTIVE. We would not be so sadistic as to kill off a main character without reason.

It was really hard to convey my true feelings into this chapter. Still, I hoped you got a kick out of the violence. I had a fun time writing that part (THIS IS BEN!)

Remember: REVIEW, REPLY, REVIEW, FAVORITE, ETC.

We have about 5-6 more chapters until the end of this story. We will, without stopping, continue onto the sequel. For the first ten people who review, I will tell you the title of the sequel!!

BTW: if you review, you of course get a sneak peek of the next chapter.

**(This is Allie) Ben wrote a majority (like 98 percent) of this chapter, so be sure to give him his creds. :) I simply edited and added little bits to where I thought needed adding. I don't think I'd be able to be that violent. I'm better at being depressing. Haha. Anyway, I don't have much to add other than encouraging you to review and get the title of the sequel. It'll actually give a little away as to what happens (that is, if you can figure out what it means.) Haha. :D**

_Until Tuesday,_

-cALLIEfornia BENches


	11. Revived Past

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: I know it seems like we're skipping fast through the story, and in reality, we're nearing the end. Ben and I talked it out the other night, and we've only got about 5 more chapters after this, not including the epilogue/preview into the sequel (which are the same thing). Plus, we're covering everything that needs to be covered. We don't like filler chapters, and like to think that you don't either. Not to mention that we're more excited for the sequel than this story, as we've mentioned. :)

By the way, we're starting this new thing; we're going to start posting the songs we listened to whilst writing each chapter. They'll only be up for a few days (until the next chapter comes out), but they'll be on our profile. :) So check it out.

P.S. Sorry the post is so late. In our own defense, it's about 11:55 pm our time... so it's still Tuesday. Hahaha.

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
****By cALLIEfornia BENches**

**Five Months Later**

_845,671, 845,672, 845,673, 845,674..._

I sighed. Here I was, doing the exact same thing I had been doing five months ago. It was pathetic. But that's how life had been since both Edward and Alice had left us.

It seemed that things had only gotten worse. Everyone had been getting better, slowly recovering and accepting Edward's death, but then everything was thrown off track when Alice was killed. Any progress the Cullen family had made was tossed out the window. Only this time, I wasn't the only one in a zombie-like state. The entire Cullen family had vacated their minds. I was no longer the only one who spent vast amounts of time alone in a room, over-thinking everything.

_845,675, 845,676, 845,677..._

The bumps bulged out of the ceiling, almost as if begging me to count them next. It reminded me of a sea in the middle of the storm, the way some were taller than others, some a little bleached from age and the sun. Each one slightly different, but in essence every one was the same.

I sighed audibly. That day five months ago had changed everything, though everyone's reaction had been more or less stereotypical.

I had walked in the door, my clothes ripped and torn, missing a few extremities. Needless to say, I had been immediately hounded with questions. Emmett was the first to see me.

"Bella!" he had gasped, staring at the fingers I was holding with both hands. "What _happened_? Where's Alice? Carlisle!" he shouted up the stairs. "Carlisle, Bella's been hurt!"

I had been in too much of a daze to figure out what was going on around me, let alone acknowledge the night's previous events. My mind was elsewhere. Even my new and improved ability to focus on an infinite number of things at once didn't help when I had just all but witnessed my best friend's death. I had shaken my head to myself.

The entire Cullen family had been buzzing around me. I felt like a solitary statue in the middle of a busy airport. I was the only thing that was staying still in the bustling activity around me; I didn't fit right into the whole scenario as the only still one.

Carlisle had been kneeling to my left, attaching my fingers as well as he could, Esme had been gushing over my already-almost-healed broken leg—the first time she had shown a sincere care for me since our plane ride here so long ago—Emmett was gathering the other vampires and telling them all that he knew so they could be informed for whenever I had the chance to tell my story, and Rosalie was pushing a chair at the back of my knees so I could sit down.

As soon as their actions ceased, everyone had started talking at once.

"Can you wiggle your fingers for me, Bella?"

"Are you okay? Does anything else hurt?"

"Where's Alice?"

"Shh. Everyone sit down so Bella can talk."

"Bella, I need you to try and move your fingers."

I had glanced down at him, my brow furrowing. He looked worried. I had chastised myself for being so difficult. This was Carlisle. _Carlisle._ The only one that had been tolerating me for the past three months, and here I was treating him like he was just another one of the Cullens that spent their time worrying over me and avoiding any discussion that had anything to do with Edward.

I had blinked at him and wiggled my fingers. It felt a little different, but they worked, so I couldn't complain. I had thanked him without words. I knew the message had gotten across when he nodded and went to sit on the couch.

It had been silent for a few moments while everyone looked around at each other, before all eyes had simultaneously settled on me.

"What happened?" Carlisle had asked in a soft voice, so as not to startle me.

I had taken a deep breath and cleared my throat before I said anything. "Victoria," I said. I had shaken my head and stared at the ground. "It was all my fault. If Alice and I had only switched paths..." I looked up at Carlisle and pretended it was just us in the room. I knew I wouldn't be able to get it all out if I knew everyone else was there. "She was looking for me. Alice got the brunt of her anger."

"Where is she?" Rosalie had asked quietly.

"Victoria?"

"No, Alice. Where's Alice?" she had repeated herself.

I squeezed my eyes shut and hung my head. "Gone. Victoria—" I had choked on my words, "Victoria took her the same way she took Ed—Edward." I had taken a deep, shuddering breath. "It was all my fault," I chanted softly, more to myself than anyone else. "It should have been me. Alice never did anything to her; I did. It was my fault."

Next thing I knew, Carlisle had pulled me to him in a comforting hug. "Don't you say that," he had said, "You know that's not true."

"But it is," I said. "It is." Tears were welling up in my eyes and for the second time that day, I had wanted nothing more than to be able to cry. The entire day had more or less killed me—not in the physical sense, of course, but in the mental sense. All I had wanted was to go up to my room, curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep. But I could neither cry nor sleep.

I had resorted to staring at the ugly shag carpet beneath my feet.

"Can I go?" I had asked in an inhuman whisper.

Carlisle had nodded from the corner of my eye and looked up to the others. "I'm going to take her up to her room. We'll talk about this later."

Later had turned out to be sooner than I had thought. Early the next morning, Rosalie, Emmett and Carlisle had come into my room and found me under the covers, eyes closed, trying as hard as I could to sleep again. I had tuned all the noises, all the smells, all the sights out and simply focused on that feeling I remembered when I was human. That drowsy feeling that overtook my entire body, forcing my eyes to close and my body to relax whether I wanted it to or not.

I hadn't even heard them come in until Carlisle shook me back to reality. "Bella, we need to talk about what happened."

Heaving a great sigh, I had stared at them.

"If it weren't completely necessary, you know we wouldn't do it. We know that you hate reliving bad experiences, and we know you've already had to rehash everything with Edward over and over and over again, but it's important. Jasper's coming next week, and he's going to want to hear the story," Carlisle had explained, sitting on the edge of my bed. "We agreed that it'd be best if you just told us and we could tell him. That way it's not so hard for you."

I had blinked slowly. "Okay. Here's what happened..."

I had proceeded in telling them everything, save for hearing Edward's voice in my head. I preferred that to be my own little secret—not even Carlisle knew that Edward often talked to me whenever I was contemplating something.

The second I had gotten to the part where I saw Alice's hand in flames, both Rosalie and Emmett had jumped to their feet, sending a shocked look over Carlisle's face.

"That bitch should be killed," Emmett had snarled, his eyes blackening in anger. Rosalie simply growled as she turned on her heel and stormed toward the door, Emmett close behind.

"Wait," I had said. "Let me finish."

Emmett had shaken his head at vampire speed. "No, she needs to be killed _now_."

"She can't."

"And why the hell not?" Rosalie had all but shouted, her hand clutching the door so tightly I could see the wood splintering. Her face had been twisted in a way that no vampire's should be. Even with her stunning features, she was scary. Her teeth were barred in a mean grimace, her eyes glaring at anything in her path. And at that moment, it was me.

"Because I already did." The look on her face had immediately softened, and her eyebrows shot up. Emmett simply blinked twice and cocked his head slightly, confused. They had both sat back down and waited for me to continue.

The story of how I killed Victoria had gone by much smoother. I had found it was easier to talk out of anger, rather than sadness. I got a sense of pride from what I felt I had accomplished as I told the tale. The three vampires had listened intently with no further interruptions.

"So... That's pretty much it," I had finished, rubbing my hand nervously over the back of my neck. Surely, now that they have heard the full story, they would understand how it had all been my fault and could have all been avoided. If I hadn't been here, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that Alice would still be alive—well, existing, anyway.

"Wow," Emmett had breathed, lounging back further into his chair and staring down at his feet that were largely extended in front of him.

"You can say that again," Rosalie agreed.

I had then stolen a glance at Carlisle. He had been frighteningly silent throughout the entire story, not even making a peep when Rosalie and Emmett started freaking out. He had been pensive, to say the least. He was staring, brows furrowed, at a spot between me and the window. I glanced behind me to see what was out there that he kept staring at, but I couldn't see anything. Just the typical snow-covered forest.

"Carlisle?" I had asked.

He shook his head as if clearing his thoughts, and looked towards me. "It's going to be okay," he had said, as if I had asked for reassurance. "It'll all be okay." His face had turned blank. It scared me—it was too similar to the face I had seen back when we first left Volterra.

I had stolen a nervous glance at Emmett and Rosalie, and they looked as bewildered as I did. Emmett had shrugged his shoulders and cast his gaze toward the ground.

Ever since then, Carlisle had been somewhat absent. Not physically, of course. Physically, he always stayed near the house, except for when he went to hunt. But mentally, he wasn't there. It was like as soon as I had told him, his mind vacated the premises. It was weird to watch.

But nothing had compared to the reaction that was Jasper's, I thought absently.

He had returned a few weeks later, just as Carlisle had expected, looking for his wife. I could tell he had been hesitant in entering the house—though no one would admit it, we had all known it was because of me. I think he had been afraid of the strength and impact my emotions had on him. I couldn't blame him though—I was a sort of infectious disease with the Cullens. They were dropping around me like flies, now.

I had been in my room, fresh out of the first shower I had had in days. I was too busy wallowing to worry about self-hygiene. My hair had been wet and slick against my neck, some warm drops still dripping down my neck and back. I had just thrown on a pair of sweats and lay down when he came in.

His scent had hit me before his voice had, so I had known he was coming. I had pulled the blanket over my head, dreading what was about to come.

"Alice?" I had heard him call throughout the house.

Esme had whimpered from the other side of the house, no doubt ashamed of the fact that I had more or less killed her daughter, and she was going to be the one to have to tell him.

"Esme?" Jasper had called again, hearing exactly what I had. His footsteps continued from one side of the house to the other, where presumably Esme was. "Esme, where's Alice?"

I had cringed, waiting for what was about to come.

"Gone," Esme had whispered. "She's gone."

Jasper had laughed once, short and curt, as if nothing was really funny at all. "Gone? What do you mean _gone?_ Like she's gone to hunt?" he had asked. "And why do I feel guilt coming from upstairs?"

I had listened, as still and silent as I could be, as Esme had blubbered through the story that Emmett and Rosalie had told her. Jasper was silent through the whole thing, then his footsteps quickly ran up the stairs. Toward my room. I had cringed and pulled the blanket farther over my head, as if that would help him not find me. He could smell me and feel my emotions, that much I was sure. I had known he was coming straight for me, even before he burst through the door, what little color he had filling his cheeks with anger.

"What the hell did you do to my wife?" he had roared. As if of its own volition, the blanket had pulled itself further over my head as he continued. "You killed her!" he shouted. "You killed her, whether you want to believe it or not. Thanks to you, my wife is dead. Dead! And she was _immortal_, for heaven's sake!" He had scoffed. "It takes a great deal of power to kill an immortal being. You have to almost _try_ to kill one of us. Did you want Alice dead? Is that what you wanted all along? She was nothing but an amazing friend to you, who was there when you cried, when you laughed, _everything_. And how do you pay her back? You kill her.

"I don't get it, Bella," he had continued as I had pulled the blanket off my face so I could see him. His eyes had been as black as Emmett's had been, and his hands had been pulled into tight fists at his side, as if he had been trying not to hurt me. "You know what it's like to lose the one you love. How dare you do the same to me. It's not fair, Bella. It's not fair at all, and you know it."

"I'm sorry," I had whispered, glancing down at my feet, which I had started rubbing together unconsciously. Before I knew it, Carlisle had appeared in the doorway behind Jasper.

"Why didn't anyone call me? It would have been nice to know that my _wife_ died a few weeks ago," Jasper had fumed, this time directed more to Carlisle than me.

"Jasper, we tried. There was no way to reach you. You left your cell phone here when you left in such a rush. Alice had come to grab it and bring it back to you, but...," he had trailed off.

"It's no excuse. Now Alice is dead, thanks to _Bella_—"

"Jasper, that's _enough_."

"What?" he asked, throwing his hands up into the air. "Everyone's been thinking it. I'm just the only one that will voice it out loud. If Bella hadn't been so damn busy wallowing in an ocean of her own pity, Alice wouldn't have worried. If Alice hadn't worried, she never would have taken Bella out and Victoria never would have gotten her. You all know it's Bella's fault. Just because she lost _her_ love doesn't mean she should get off scotch free on killing _mine_," he had snarled, glaring at me.

"_Jasper_," Carlisle had interjected sharply. "We need to talk. _Now_."

"I don't want to talk to anyone, I want Alice back," he had whined, his tone changing completely.

Carlisle wouldn't see any of it, though, and shot him a look. Jasper had glared at him but followed him out of the house and into the forest and out of my earshot nonetheless. I had fallen back onto the pillows as the covers jumped around me under my weight, heaving a great sigh.

I hadn't been able to move. I hadn't been ablet to defend myself. He had been right. He had been right in every sense of ever word he had said. I had killed my best friend. I had been waiting for someone to finally realize that it was me that was hurting everyone; so why did I feel so guilty then, when he was hashing it out at me? I should have been happy that someone yelled at me. That's what I had wanted, right?

No, it had just furthered my thinking in that I needed to leave. And soon.

I didn't know how long I had been laying there, pretending that I could sleep, before I had heard the front door open and two different sets of footprints enter the threshold. One had started up the stairs towards my room, while the other had gone into the kitchen.

Jasper.

I had closed my eyes, awaiting the aftershock that I had known was lurking after his earlier earthquake.

He had knocked twice, quietly, which had surprised me. I had figured he would just stomp in and start yelling again.

"Come in," I said timidly.

He had poked his head in—letting me know it was really him—before fully entering. He had then closed the door behind him and stared down at his shuffling feet before he said anything.

"Bella, I wanted to apologize."

I had furrowed my brows and sat up on my elbows. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. You're totally right. I already knew that, as did everyone else. It was stupid of me to think that the others could be tricked any longer."

His eyes had turned sympathetic as he sat on the edge of my bed. "We've got a lot in common, whether you'd like to wish it or not. I always thought I was destroying this family, you know? I felt like such a hassle all the time; I always needed a constant babysitter. They were always so afraid I would lose control at some point and just kill dozens of people.

"They started bickering about it all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean it. Do you remember Rosalie and Emmett's last 'honeymoon'?" he had asked, meeting my gaze for the first time in I didn't even know how long. He held it for maybe a second before he dropped it again. "It was no honeymoon," he said. "The family got into a huge fight. About me, nonetheless. Rosalie and Emmett thought they were babying me. Carlisle and Esme thought it was important to keep an eye on me.

"Alice and Edward were right in the middle. They were just doing what they had been told—looking out for me using their great powers. 'Don't shoot the messengers,' like they say. The two of them stayed out of it. But the fight got so intense that Rosalie and Emmett left. We didn't know how long they'd be gone, or if they were even coming back. It was a horrible feeling, knowing I was the one tearing the family apart," he had told me.

I had blinked at him, then looked down to where he was twisting his fingers around each other. "At least you didn't actually kill them," I had muttered.

"I may as well have. Emmett told me they wouldn't have come back, had Alice not followed them and convinced them to come home."

I had taken a deep breath, taking in all this new information. "I never knew that," I said.

He had nodded. "I apologize for earlier. I was just looking to blame someone else. It's my fault, really. If I hadn't been such a child and stubbornly not put up with your emotions, I could have been here with her."

"It's not your fault, Jasper."

"I could say the same to you."

"You could, but you shouldn't," I had added with a curt laugh. It was relatively funny, the way we both blamed ourselves for something that was, though in part my fault, mostly Victoria's.

Jasper had sighed and lay down on the bed next to me. His eyes had closed and stayed that way for a long time before he had spoken. "It still just doesn't seem like she's gone, you know? I think I'm in denial."

"If it helps, it's been almost four months and I'm still in denial. It's okay." I had glanced over at him as he fully relaxed himself into the bed. "Jasper, I know I'm not your favorite person, but I know it helped me when I started talking to Carlisle. If you need anyone to talk to... Well, I've been through it before. I'm sure I can at least try to help. Sometimes, all it takes is a long conversation about it and you'll feel better."

He had swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down once. "I might take you up on that. But for now, I just need to be alone for a while."

"I understand."

He hadn't made a move to get up, so I had decided it was me who should leave. I'd done a lot of good moping on that bed—it was time I let someone else use it for once.

_You're doing a good thing_, Edward's voice had told me as I had shut the door behind me.

And I knew he had been right. Even still, I was glad I could abide by the intentions of my love.

_845,825, 845,826, 845,827, 845,828..._

I focused harder now on the bumps above me. I was thankful for the new advantages of my mind; now I could think about whatever I wanted while keeping track of those tiny little peaks. Though it was a curse as well, I thought blandly. Sometimes it seemed to be impossible to only focus on one thing, no matter how much I wanted to.

I never actually found out what Carlisle and Jasper talked about when they disappeared into the woods that one day. All I know is that, when I asked, Carlisle had told me not to ask further. He had said that it would be too reminiscent of Edward's reaction to my supposed 'death' and I would only get upset. I took this to mean Jasper said he had wanted to kill himself and Carlisle, being the too-caring vampire that he is, spent most of his time convincing Jasper not to go through with it.

When I had gone back up later that day to check on Jasper, he had had his arm thrown over his eyes and was muttering to himself, almost giving himself a pep-talk. I'm not even sure he knew I was there.

"Alice wouldn't want that... you can't abandon the family. If she could have had a final wish, you know that would have been it. Leaving now would be a bad idea. Don't do it. No matter how bad you want to, you can't leave the family. Think of Esme, of Carlisle. They wouldn't take it well at all. The family's falling apart...," he continued, but I simply turned and stalked out of the room. I had been tired of feeling guilty. Jasper should stay, but ever since that day I had known that I needed to leave. I couldn't stay here and watch the family collapse underneath me.

I had never in my life—or now, existence—seen anyone as empty as Jasper had been. He hadn't found it in himself to leave the house yet and go back to where he and Alice had been staying. He was too afraid of leaving the place where Alice last was, he had told me one day. We had been talking a lot lately, mostly about Alice and Edward. More often than not, Carlisle joined us. It was like the Cullens had split into two groups; those who spent their time mourning, and those who spent their time talking about mourning.

The two groups had grown apart desperately. Though we still made it certain to try and spend an hour or so together per day, it was clear where we would be going after our "family time" most nights: Jasper and I would head up to my room, and if Carlisle didn't join us, he went to his study. Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme all always went to the living room and watched television until they had something they needed to do or somewhere they needed to be.

Consequently, these tended to be the people that went hunting together. Whenever one of us needed to hunt, we grabbed the rest of our group and took a short trip to the forest. With our group, though, we tended to go out farther away. Jasper didn't like the thought of being anywhere near where Alice had been killed. We tended to hunt closer to the city than we would have liked, but there wasn't really a way around it. We all knew what it was like to lose someone close to us—I knew it would be difficult for me to face the exact spot I had witnessed Victoria kill Edward. I think my dead heart would probably expand until it simply exploded in my chest.

Unfortunately, Jasper's emotions had been affecting everyone, in the backwards way he could feel our emotions. Inversely, his emotions were so strong that he couldn't help the hurt and sorrow that was covering and smothering the rest of us like a blanket. No one ever complained, though. He deserved to be able to be horrifically sad. He had every right to feel the way he was feeling.

It's not that the two groups were unfriendly. That wasn't the case at all. But the lack of friendship and family _felt_ unpleasant. We were always nice to each other, but it was in more of the way one would be friendly with a semi-close friend. More than acquaintances, but not quite to the good-friends stage yet. It was heart wrenching, and I knew that if it were ever to end, I had to leave. And soon.

A knock on my door drew me out of my thoughts and temporarily distracted me from my ever-long stare at the ceiling. I immediately lost count and shot a glare to whoever was behind the door.

"Bella?"

It was Jasper. Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

"Bella, we're about to head out to the market; Esme needs some more begonia seeds, and there're a few good flower shops in the city. Would you like to come?"

Would I like to? No. Would I? Probably.

_Go, Bella. You haven't been out in ages_, his voice rang out.

_Because last I went out, someone died_, I argued back. The voice was silent.

In an attempt to void off any needs to go, I asked, "Do you think I'm ready? I mean I've only been out with people a few times. How do you know I won't just end up hurting someone?"

"You won't," he said confidently. "Trust me, I've been in your position. I know it's hard, but Carlisle and I are here to help you. You know we'll hold you back if we think you're in any danger. Plus, you're doing way better than I did when I was your age."

I sighed. Obviously, I didn't have much of a choice in this matter. I was pretty much going, hands down. "I'll be down in a few," I said. Using my vampire speed, I changed and flew down the stairs. All five of the other Cullens were waiting patiently by the front door, and I was immediately reminded of the days when we used to do everything together as a family—even when I wasn't an official part of the family yet.

"You ready?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded and followed them out to the cars. Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme took the Jeep while Carlisle, Jasper, and I hopped in the Mercedes—naturally.

I got in the back and spread myself across the backseat. I won't lie—I loved not having to worry about my safety. It was much more of a carefree life as a vampire. _Much more comfortable, too_, I thought with a smile.

"What's got you so happy?" Jasper asked, a short smile creeping across his face. As if realizing he shouldn't be happy, he quickly wiped it off.

"Nothing, really. Just enjoying the vampire life, I guess."

It was times like these I tried talking to Edward in my head. Times when I knew I wouldn't be disturbed for a while, and yet still had somewhat of a reason for him to appear. In this case, it was me lying in the back of the car sans-seatbelt. Even though I knew I wouldn't get hurt, if Edward were here, he'd still worry over me and make sure I was securely fastened into the seat—even though I could tear the seatbelt with a flick of my finger. Unfortunately, it never worked. He seemed to only appear sporadically. It never stopped me from trying, though.

I closed my eyes and tried to envision him. His tall, built body. That always-messy-no-matter-what reddish brown hair. The long lashes that perfectly framed his brilliant topaz eyes. His pale skin glinted off the sun in my mind. It was almost as if he was really right there in front of me.

Before trying anything, I admired the sight in my mind for a few moments. He was too perfect to be real. Some days, I felt like maybe this was all a dream. This was a dream and I would wake up to find that there was no Edward, no Alice, no Cullens. It was all a wild act of my imagination.

But I knew, thankfully, that that was not true. As hard as it was for me to survive without him, I thrived off the small seconds when he decided to make an appearance in my head. It made my days worth living.

_Edward?_ I tried.

Nothing.

I sighed loudly, causing both Jasper and Carlisle's chair to squeak. I opened my eyes to find them both staring at me.

"Watch the road," I commanded out of habit. I knew we would be fine, but it was still a force of habit whenever someone was driving to actually keep their eyes on the path in front of them. Indestructible as I may be, I didn't want to find out what it felt like to live through what should be a fatal car crash. I'd prefer to arrive back to the house in one piece—literally.

The speedometer was heading towards the far right side of the dash, but it didn't seem as though we were going that fast. A glance out the window made it seem like we were going maybe twenty-five or so.

I decided to close my eyes again. It would probably be better if I just didn't think about the fact that we were passing 100 miles per hour.

I must admit—although there was a part of me that was still aching something awful for Edward, and I was still being haunted by my own thoughts—I felt considerably better. It was like Carlisle had told me back just before he changed me. The pain was still there, but it had eased. In all honesty, I think it was mostly because I had been so busy focusing on helping Jasper that I hadn't had time to think much about Edward.

No, that was a lie. I thought about him all the time. Every second of every day would be an understatement. Every _millisecond_ of every day would be an understatement. But maybe my concentration wasn't focused solely on how I was getting on—or not getting on—without him. It was more like a slight distraction than a diversion.

Though the pain had eased, I couldn't help but feel uneasy about how I felt like I was bringing everyone down. I really needed to leave, before I hurt someone else.

I pushed the thought out of my head for now and shifted my gaze to the window so I could see where we were. The snow on the ground was thinning, but not because of a lack of snow. It was thinning more because of overuse. I could now smell the potent scent of humans mixed with various foods and, occasionally, an animal that happened to pass nearby the city.

Carlisle pulled the car into an empty parking spot and the Jeep followed suit, pulling up next to us. I smiled at Rosalie through the back window as she climbed out. I waited until I had room, then got out of the car myself. By that time, most everyone had gotten out already and were waiting on the sidewalk for me.

It was humorous how the vampires had bundled up for the snow. Rosalie was wearing a cute pair of earmuffs and a matching black scarf that tucked into her warm jacket. Fashionable snow boots covered her feet; she pulled them off in only the way Rosalie could. Esme was dressed in a similar fashion, though her hair was pulled unto a ponytail and she was wearing more of a ski jacket than a cute one. She looked as though she was going more for warmth than cuteness, which I thought was ironic. Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett were all wearing jeans and a ski jacket, each different colors and patterns. They looked like a handsome trio, all but strutting down the sidewalk to the garden store.

I watched closely at the interaction between the six of us. Though I don't think anyone else noticed it, I saw Jasper glaring at Rosalie and Emmett every time they did something that so much as resembled an action that pertained to their love. He was jealous, I was sure, but it was still hard to see him looking at his brothers that way.

Esme, meanwhile, was doing a great job of avoiding me. She did all she could to not look my direction. It felt like she resented me to the highest degree. It made me sad, of course, but it was understandable. I had killed her son and daughter. She had every right in the world to hate me.

I shook my head and started walking a few steps ahead of the group. I wondered absently if this was how Edward had been before he met me.

In front of me, I saw the flower shop that we had set out for come into view. Carmen had recommended this little boutique to Esme, called Alison's Flower Shop. Carmen said that she had heard the owner was very nice, though she had never had a chance to meet her herself. The store had a reputation for being unbearably sweet and selling the best kinds of seeds and flowers out there. I think we were all looking for a bit of happiness in our lives, and flowers seemed like the perfect solution to take our minds of as much as we could for a while.

Before I could register what was happening, three things happened at once. The first one was the scent that hit my nostrils like someone had shoved potpourri under my nose. It was a familiar scent—one I hadn't expected to ever smell again. The second was that every muscle in Carlisle's body stiffened. And last but not least, Jasper took off at a borderline inhuman pace toward the store.

"It can't be," I muttered.

"I know that smell," Rosalie drawled, slowing to a stop in front of the shop.

The sign hung over the entrance as though welcoming anyone who even walked by it. "Alison's Flower Shop" it read. Jasper had disappeared inside moments ago, and I was the first to follow him in.

A small, pixie-like woman was on top of a step-stool, putting some daisies into a vase on top of a shelf. When she heard the bell ring, signaling someone entering, she glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

"Hi, welcome to Alison's flower shop, how may I help you guys today?" she said happily as she danced over to us.

Her long, dark hair hung down to the middle of her back and contrasted nicely with her tan skin. She was still just as small as before, if not smaller. She looked a bit older, too. Maybe twenty or so. It was weird seeing her like this, but I was sure that everyone was thinking the same thing I was.

Jasper was the first to voice it. "Alice?" he asked, taking a few steps closer to her.

Her brows furrowed and she took a step back. "No... I'm Alison. Do I know you?"

"You seriously don't remember me?" Jasper asked, staring straight into her eyes the same way he had when she had been a vampire. But she was no vampire here. She was very much a human.

"Am I supposed to?" she asked. The entire shop was silent as they studied each other. Her brows furrowed together as if she came to a realization. "You look familiar, but I know I've never met you. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered. What's your name?"

Jasper didn't reply, instead simply sprinting at vampire speed until he was just a few inches in front of her. Then he did what I'd never seen Jasper do before—he dazzled her. I could never mistake that face; the glazed over and slightly parted mouth gave her away.

"Who _are_ you?" she asked, dumbstruck.

"Come on, Alice, you know this," Jasper encouraged.

Upon hearing his voice, she shook her head, snapping herself out of it. "I told you, I'm Alison. How did you get over here so fast? I didn't even see you move, and all the sudden you were just right there and—" she paused, slowly shaking her head and backing away from Jasper. "Get out of my flower shop. I don't know you, whoever you are. If this is some sort of sick joke, it's not funny. Get out."

The look of hurt that flashed across Jasper's face could have made a biker cry. "Are you sure?" he asked.

She looked down at the ground, desperate to avoid his eyes. "I don't know."

"Well make up your mind, then."

"I can't _do_ this right now. I have a shop to run," she said, spinning on her heel and disappearing into the back of the store.

Jasper slouched, but lead the way out of the shop nonetheless. As I left, I glanced back to where she had disappeared to. She was standing in the back, her head in her hands. I wanted to go comfort her, but I knew that would only make things worse.

_What have I done?_

How was she here? _Why_ is she here? And more importantly, what was _I_ still doing here?

* * *

**A/N:** Hahaha. Okay. So now that you all think you know what's going on (which, in our own defense, we know is not the case. But we choose to let you believe what you'd like.) we'd like to hear your thoughts. We can't tell you if you're right or wrong, but chances are you're wrong. (Haha. I mean that in the most loving way possible.) But Ben and I don't make predictable writing. Only him, me, and one of our close friends knows what's going to happen. (We love you, Simi! Haha.) We've kept this plot under the tightest of wraps. But please, let us know what you think is going to happen. We'd love to hear it.

_Until Friday,_  
-cALLIEfornia BENches


	12. Silence

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Ben: This, to me, is the saddest chapter I have ever written. And for the first time, I cried at my own work, since I had the privilege to scribe most of this morose chapter. I don't even cry easily! Sorry once again for not posting on the right date. I just had this huge epiphany and deleted what I had the day it was to be originally posted!

And prepare yourselves. Do whatever you can: tissues, chocolate, a pillow, a blanket to cover yourself or perhaps muffle your sobs... don't suffocate! :( And enjoy!

Allie: I loved writing this chapter. So much. It's only seconded right now to _Imperishable Ties_. I love it. It's amazing. Anyway, the playlist has been posted on our bio since like noon today. So hopefully you had some time to get some of the songs and listen to them for some hints into the chapter. :)

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By cALLIEfornia BENches**

We never bought any flowers. Our hasty exit out of the flower shop was followed by blank stares and confusion. I tried to process what happened in my head. I tried to think clearly about everything that was zooming past me: Alice, gone. Alice, not gone. Alice, human. I could not make any sense of it. I would be having a headache if I could.

Silence.

I walked ahead of the Cullens, aimlessly following the path of the concrete sidewalk. I had no idea where I was going. I was still trying desperately to get the gears and pulleys in my head to churn out an answer to such an anomaly. How could this happen?

My shoes scrapped against the grain of the concrete, and created some sort of metronome to my thoughts. Slough, step, slough, step. Alice, human, Alice, human.

I was so deep within my own thoughts that I didn't hear the usual rustling of leaves, nor did I feel the wind lap across my face.

Then, almost surprisingly, I was shoved to the ground with such force, that my back created a small indent upon the sidewalk which we had stood still as statues. The air was knocked out of me, and for the briefest second, the image of Victoria and I flashed through my mind; she was punching me and helping me sail through the trees, only to hit the trunk of a tree with a horrendous thud.

I looked up with shock on my face, expecting to see the she-devil herself. Instead, there stood Jasper, eyes billowing with fury, his hands in front of him, showing that he had done the deed of pushing me. Behind him, stood Esme, her gaze low and her head tilted toward her shoes, as if she would rather turn a blind eye. Rosalie and Emmett stood still, eyeing the scene with confusion and utter surprise.

Carlisle was the only one holding Jasper's arm, preventing him from slamming me further into the concrete. My father's grip must have been strong, because it seemed to be holding him back easily. Yet still, I crouched into a fetal-like position, in fear that Carlisle might decide to let go.

"You lied!" Jasper yelled through seething teeth. His eyes shone a midnight black and gleamed with the gray sky. "You lied! She's not dead! What have you done to her that she can't remember me? What kind of magic is this?" What magic? I was as surprised as he was! He was asking the same things I was asking myself. Had my eyes deceived me?

Jasper was struggling beneath Carlisle's vice as he desperately tried to lunge toward me. His teeth snapped open as he made a loud chomp aggressively in my direction. His arms were grabbing madly at the air above me. I had never seen him like this.

"She was dead... she was dead, and you killed her. But at least then, I knew she loved me! How dare you take her away from me twice, Bella? Have you no heart?!" Jasper bellowed these words into the street. A select few people gathered on the opposite street, glancing nervously at the ruckus. However, none of the Cullens seemed to notice. They were too transfixed with Jasper's sudden rebellion to take in account for human bystanders.

I was completely surprised. I thought Alice was gone.

_She was! She had to be! I saw her hand. Victoria even said she killed her!_

Jasper had little right to push me. He didn't need to jump to conclusions. What he was saying was easily the most accusatory or hurtful thing I ever heard about me. Tears brimmed around my eyes. Family didn't do this to each other.

The rest of the Cullens stood before me in the oddest of ways. And the small amount of silence gave me time to rebel.

I should have spoken up. I should have stood up for my name. I could have thrust myself forward and made an even louder scene. I should have yelled at him and his idiocy. Couldn't he have seen the shock on my face? Wasn't he supposed to feel emotions? Where was the shy Jasper I met in what felt like so long ago.

But I didn't say anything. Instead, I took the blame and absorbed each and every word, every syllable, of his hate. I let him use me as a sponge, transfer his fury through me, use me for the only thing I was ever only good for anymore.

I blinked back the tears and my vision cleared, along with a slow blur in my ears. Everything was muffled, silent and phased through my mind. It was as if I had worn soundproof headphones, and simply watched the shouts Jasper displayed.

Jasper was still yelling at me, and Carlisle took brief steps back in restraining Jasper in order to keep him a safe distance away from my crouched position. I still had no heart to get up. I was glued to the spot and oddly, the hard floor was comforting. Well, comforting compared to the wrath of fury being dealt to me feet away.

Through Jasper's yelps of hate, Carlisle would firmly plead his son to stop "this foolish act," or a silent "what the hell are you doing?" But he was the only one who seemed to be keeping Jasper in a gripped hold. I never felt so alone.

The continuing roars brought me back to the present.

"...and you know that! She hasn't been anything but a nuisance for the last couple months. Just a zombie, for crying out loud!" shouted Jasper. Each letter seemed to bullet toward me and puncture holes all throughout my body. It was a pain to which I could never die to, no matter how much I wanted to. Jasper turned toward me with pain, "You've ruined me."

_I have._

_It's my fault. _

_I'm useless._

My own voice was quivering within my head, as if the truth of his words took upon my foundation and shook it until the stability began crumbling down. I indeed ruined him; I killed Alice. Victoria simply did the deed, but I sent her to the flames. It was all me. _All me, all me, all me... _I continued to chant my mantra, finding my flaws and pure ugliness with each one finding its way into my ears. How badly I wished I could cry right now.

"So lucky..." This voice was unfamiliar in the scene of screaming and assurances. Rosalie uttered two words, just two. But each spoke volumes of discontent from her lips and each spilled forth pools of regret. It didn't take long before Jasper caught hold of what she was saying, and the explosion was diverted toward Rose.

"What was so damn lucky, Rosalie? Huh? That my wife is dead and she doesn't remember me? Are you happy? Are you somehow so much more fucking sadistic than I thought that you would revel in my sorrows? Lucky?!" His screeching caused many around him, Esme included, to flinch at the volume and digest of his speech; I had never heard Jasper swear.

Rosalie, sensing she was brought into a bad light, straightened and covered her look of surprise with that of pure envy and anger. "Of course she's lucky! How dare you say that? I loved Alice as much as the next person! And last time I checked, Mr. Emotional, you were the one lying in your own worthless pit, with Bella freaking spoon feeding you some of her own!" The glare Rosalie shot at me made me regret how small the hole was beneath me.

Silence.

"What do you mean she's lucky?" croaked a still solemn Esme. She hadn't dropped her gaze at her feet.

Rosalie hesitated, then proceeded, "She has a chance at life, Esme. She has the opportunity to fulfill the destiny she was set out to do!" Her voice softened as she continued, "We shouldn't ruin that for her. We should let her be and be happy for her! I know I'd want you to do the same for me, and with this grief of a cloud above our heads, we could use a silver lining." Her words were perhaps the most honest and hopeful I had heard since I'd been in Denali. For a second, I wanted to stand up and agree.

"Hmph," Jasper snorted, obviously in complete disagreement with Rosalie's heartfelt speech, "You would like that, wouldn't you, Rosalie? Have everyone let you go? Alice wouldn't want that, I know it. Shows how much you value family…" His words stung like a needle penetrating tough skin. I would have expected Rosalie to defend herself, but she nodded and continued. Perhaps she thought Jasper had simply gone crazy; I know I thought that.

"Let her go, Jasper. Let her be," crooned Rosalie. I had never seen her so willing to help.

Instead of Jasper, who had stood still in contemplation, Esme broke the statement with contempt dripping through her voice.

"How could you, Rosalie?" That was all Esme said before she broke her gaze to the floor and turned her back on us, and her shoulders began to heave as silent, wracking sobs pierced through her body. By now, a crowd had formed around us, each face with bewilderment and some with entertainment in their eyes. Esme continued to sob, as Rose began to gather the pieces of her pride that lay scattered on the concrete beside me. Not even a reassuring hand from Emmett upon her shoulder could soothe his wife; she shrugged it away with pained effort.

Jasper turned to me when Carlisle released his grip to hold his wife, "It's all your fault. You did this to us, to me. All this pain, my aching chest, has been your doing, your disease." Rosalie began to sob, using Emmett for support. I did not blink the whole time Jasper spoke.

Jasper began to quiver and tears formed beneath his eyes, "Stop the pain! It burns, Bella. Stop it from eating at my heart everyday! I don't know how much more I can take...YOU! YOU GAVE ME THIS CURSE!" He clutched his chest. I knew the pain he was experiencing so well. "Why? What did I do? Why did you have to give me your pain? Haven't I experience enough through your grief anyway?"

Silence.

"Jasper, calm down..." trailed Emmett.

"NO! Calm is all I've ever tried to be, Emmett! I can't do it anymore, not when I feel like this." He fell to his knees with a pronounced thud. "It hurts so much," he whispered.

I just sat there, on the ruined slab of rock below me. I was too petrified to move, thinking that the slightest twitch would sent another onslaught of knives to stab at my heart again. I simply stared wide-eyed, observing the scene before me.

I ruined this family.

_You're absurd, Silly Bella._

Velvet loved to cover any wounds. His sultry sound wrapped me in more pain. He wasn't here to see this. He wasn't here to protect me from these words of stone.

Where was he?

I don't think it mattered. It seemed like this was a wound he just couldn't heal. There were no band-aids for this cut; not even stitches could mend such a wide opening.

_Would Edward agree?_

_Probably_, I internally told myself in between brushing away what was left of my tears. It's what he would have wanted...

"Alice... she doesn't love..." sobbed Jasper. He couldn't finish his sentence and yet I couldn't believe his words. They were only thing he said as of now that I didn't believe. That couldn't have been Alice. Alice loved Jasper. She would die for Jasper. With all her heart, Alice loved Jasper.

Esme, through all the turmoil, finally turned around. She slowly looked at the melting form that was Jasper. Her eyes traveled to Rosalie, who seemed to have chosen the time to let everything out. Emmett's face was in dark shadows, no longer the cuddly teddy bear I wanted to hug.

Then, for the first time in months, she looked in my eyes. I was so unfamiliar with her piercing eyes, that I involuntarily flinched where I was.

Silence.

I waited for her to speak with a booming presence, like Jasper did every time after a moment without sound. I prepared for a severe blow to the heart, even though mine was too worn and cut to really do much more damage.

"Why?"

Her voice caught in her throat, and she coughed it back. The little quiver of the word was gentle and soft, unlike anything I told myself it was going to be. Her little sputtering didn't sound like Esme at all; the raspy voice should have belonged to a smoking old lady.

"I loved you like my own? Why?" Once again, her voice didn't seem to want to cooperate with her, and she had to forcefully cough it down.

"I had such excitement for a new daughter. I wanted my son to be the happiest man in the world; he deserved that much. He chose you, out of a crowd of black and white. You were his color," she smiled. Her voice was nothing but a whisper. The smile in itself never reached her eyes and resembled a small curve of a deep frown.

Images of a happy Edward and I flashed through, like photos being sifted from an old drawer of an album. The hue of the pictures seemed faded with time, and too bright in contrast to even be real. But nevertheless, the smiling vampire and girl in the meadow lifted my spirits.

I tuned myself back into Esme's speech.

"You were supposed to make this family whole. I thought that much, at least. I never tried so hard to make someone like me than I did with you. I find it hard to see the same girl before me kneeling in black." I wasn't wearing black, but I knew what she meant; my sorrow and pain. "I can't look at you anymore after this. You remind me too much of what I lost. Edward, my son, the one who deserved all the light in the world. Alice, my daughter, who always just wanted to help."

She choked once again. "You are only as black as what you kneel in, dear. And there are just some things you can't whiten in eternity." Her eyes spoke the things she couldn't say without choking. And though her voice was by far the gentlest and easily the most graceful, It also dealt the most pain. I finally began to sob loudly, pressing my eyes shut in hopes of some worthy tears to streak across my cheeks.

"I never gained the daughter I wanted. I never asked for a zombie bride-to-be. I asked for one big happy family. Instead, I lost family. I never got any in return." She looked at me at the last sentence, clearly mentioning I was never family to her. I ate her words and they slid down my throat with little ease. I swallowed. My sobs returned.

This couldn't be happening.

_Oh, but it is__._

I mentally punched myself in the gut, telling myself to shut up.

Out of my cries, I heard Esme mutter before she turned once again to face the sidewalk. "When you're a vampire, you can't dream anymore. But somehow, only nightmares are able to come true." Her words didn't seemed directed at me, but merely a narration to the rest of the Cullens, the rest of the world. Esme had given up.

Her eyes moved away from mine. Her speech was over.

I didn't bother with looking at anyone anymore. I just sobbed in place; people were still in the square whispering wondering words, as I could hear. Jasper hadn't moved from his spot and was sobbing just as hard as I. Rosalie was in no means quiet.

"It hurts so much... make it stop! Stop this hammer on my heart!" Jasper yelped softly.

Silence.

My hands dug into my hair and I fought the challenge to scream in a massive roar, afraid to draw anymore attention to the scene. One false move and our simple family fight could turn into a supernatural mass of chaos!

I don't remember how long I wept until the silence was thrust apart. The words, however, were crystal clear:

"Leave."

I looked up to see Jasper was once again standing. Behind him stood a very melancholy Esme, peeking at the floor. Rosalie stood faithfully at his side, glaring at me, while Emmett stood farther back, looking as though he lost his favorite toy. Carlisle was detached from the gang, between them and me.

"Leave," Jasper repeated. His right hand was grasped in a fist upon his heart, twisting the fabric of his sweater and tearing the threads loose. He didn't seem to notice.

My cries had ceased, and with my weak legs, I stood up shakily. My knees wobbled and I kept my eyes at my feet, almost certain they were going to give out and collapse beneath me.

When I was sure I could stand on my own, I glanced up at the assault brigade; my family.

I had so much to say:

_I'm sorry._

_I'll leave._

_Goodbye._

_I was going to go anyway. This just comes as a rude awakening._

_I'm not wanted?_

But unlike Esme, no amount of coughing fits could disperse the clogged throat I had. I just simply stared at the Cullens, each one of them. I didn't bother with Esme, and started with Emmett. He looked so miserable and surprisingly, not angry at all. He was simply void of anything other than sadness. Rosalie looked like she always did before my stay at Denali; extremely displeased with my presence. The only thing that was different was the lack of envy in her black eyes. Jasper looked finalized in anything, and simply over me. I was last week's trash and the garbage man finally showed up.

Carlisle was looking back and forth between the family and I, as if trying to make a decision. I decided my last act as a Cullen to decide for him. He shouldn't have to suffer the woes of his family and me. I was a pest, and a cursed one at that. Jasper pointedly mentioned me as a disease, and I couldn't agree more to the only word close enough to describe me.

I turned around and slowly began walking, away from the Cullens, and away from the curious stares. I didn't dare look back, in fear that I would once again be frozen in spot, rooted to the ground like an unwanted daisy.

It was time to wave away that dream of a perfect forever. I shooed that image of a healing family united under each other's guidance. I kissed away the foolish notions of laughter, smiles, and life.

Goodbye, Bella Cullen.

"Wait! Bella!" shouted Carlisle. I could hear his footsteps, slower than usual, sound toward me.

I had to get away. I knew that if I let him catch up to me, I would find my way back into the arms of my unwanted. I needed to break of with the loose thread that connected me to the Cullens.

_Sever it, _I told myself.

_Don't, love. Please, don't._

The panicked voice of Edward tunneled through my ears, and I looked around, expecting to see him standing beside me, on one knee, pleading me to stay.

But he didn't want to exist to me. He told me so. For the first time, I ignored him and continued to walk, staying clear of Carlisle, and waiting for cover to run off. I would have already, had there not been any witnesses around.

Where, oh where, was Edward when you needed him?

I made it speedily around a building. There seemed to be no one there, but I could hear Carlisle's stomps reverberate ever so closely. There was silence where the Cullens should have been; they didn't want to exist to me either.

Or were they ever there?

"Bella! Let me figure this out!" Carlisle cried.

He couldn't fix this. Not even an angel with healing powers could fix such a mess.

I found it to be right moment to run as fast as I possibly could. Anywhere but here.

The wind rushed and whipped against my face, pulling my hair back against my feminine shoulders, but I could hardly feel it. I couldn't even hear my own thoughts in my head; though I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't want to, or because I just didn't have it in me to think anything.

I had no idea where I was headed, but I would leave that decision up to my feet. Now was the time I had to simply let my instincts take over; depending on my mind only got me into more trouble.

Carlisle's footsteps grew fainter and fainter until I could hear them no longer. Of course I could outrun him; I was a newborn and he was nearing four hundred.

With each push off the ground, each clenched muscle, I felt worse and worse. But not for leaving; no, they all wanted me to leave. That much was obvious. But I felt bad for what I had done. The Cullens I had met two years ago were so much different than the ones I had changed them into. Esme was no longer the caring mother; she was now the mother that couldn't bear to look at her daughter. Carlisle, though still caring and compassionate, had morphed into a somewhat cold and emotionless man.

And then there was Jasper. Jasper; the once cool, calm, and collected vampire had turned into a roaring, raging source of anger. His emotions were completely unbalanced and he couldn't seem to control how he acted towards others. It was scary to watch. Twice now had he blown up on me. He was an Empath, and he couldn't control even his own emotions.

_What have I done?_

The dense forest surrounded me in all directions, but flew by in a near blur. The silence around me pierced the air—it was like all the animals had stopped moving, just to watch me tear through the forest in a crazy flurry.

_It's all my fault. All me, all me. I did this. I ruined everything; _everything._ I should have left after Volterra. Everyone wanted you to; you know it's true._

As the flood of thoughts sloshed through my mind and waterlogged everything, my brain almost stopped functioning. I couldn't even keep running. Suddenly, in the middle of the forest, I fell to my knees and sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't stop it. They just continued pouring through my mouth like a broken faucet.

_All me, all me... All my fault... Ruined everything... all me..._

Even my thoughts were choppy as I sat there, sobbing. All I had wanted was a happy ending. Was that so hard to imagine? Really?

_Yes, it is._

Another wave of heaves hit me and I doubled over, clenching my stomach in attempt to quiet myself and keep these wretched noises from escaping my throat. This would be so much easier if I were able to cry.

_God damnit, let me cry!_

I let out a roar of frustration that died into a pathetic cry at the end. It shook the trees around me—I even heard one in the distance crack and fall over from the reverberations. Another sob escaped my throat, this time much weaker after the force of the roar.

_Great, now I was destroying the wilderness, too._

_Bella_. His voice rang. Quickly, I glanced around me, looking for him. He sounded so close. Within my grasp, almost. I quickly stood up, but nothing was there but the trees around me.

"Edward?" I voiced aloud.

_Don't do this to yourself_, both mine and his voice rang simultaneously. Both were for very different reasons. Edward didn't want me to keep punishing myself—I didn't want to keep torturing myself with his voice.

I covered my ears with my hands, trying to silence the voices.

"Stop it!" I shouted. "Stop it! Go away!" I shook my head roughly, trying to rid myself of his voice that rang so clearly in my head. He was torturing me. How was I supposed to exist when he continued to torture me like this?

Then, as if someone flipped off the switch, everything quieted.

I stilled. My head was silent for the first time in who-knows-how-long. "Edward?" I asked.

He was gone.

And suddenly now, more than ever, I wanted him back. Even after just seconds ago wanting him to leave, I knew that his voice was the only thing that had kept me sane all these months. It was my last connection to him, my last tie. And it had just been severed; totally and completely. There would be no way I would be able to speak to him now, ever again.

"Edward?!" I asked, more panicked now, my eyes darting from place to place as if he would show up. Like he would just pop out from behind a tree and shout "Just kidding!" But no such luck came my way.

_Isn't this what you wanted?_ My voice asked. It pained me that it wasn't his. Even if it was angry, I would have given anything to hear him speak to me again.

_No, no, no, no, no._

_I have to get out of here._

Quickly, almost before I could process the information, I took off. I was flying through the forest, my feet hardly touching the ground. I ran as fast as I could, as hard as I could. My feet were in charge now; I had no idea where I was headed. Hell, I had no idea where I _was_.

I let myself run for what felt like ages, focusing only on the muscles that it took to push myself _that_ much further, to run _that_ much harder. My destination was unknown; I just had to get out of that spot.

Slowly but surely, I was dying.

I shook my head to myself as I slowed to a stop. Slowly, I glanced up to see where my feet had taken me, and found myself in front of the Denali house. I had no idea how I had ended up here, none at all, but I went with it. Slowly—slower than even a human's pace—I made my way to the front door, listening cautiously for the sounds and footsteps of the others.

I could barely hear Irina and Kate talking up on the second floor, and Tanya humming to herself in the kitchen. Carmen and Eleazar must have been out hunting, because I couldn't hear any other sounds coming from anywhere in the house.

Blinking back the tears that were still stewing in my eyes and taking a deep breath, I took the final step up to the front porch and opened the door quietly. It wouldn't escape their notice, but hopefully they wouldn't think much of anything of it and would chalk it up to the Cullens coming home. I don't know what I would do if I had to come face to face with one of them.

I decided it would be best if I stopped breathing; surely they would hear my choppy, still uneven breathing if I let it out. So I stopped.

The floor creaked underneath me as I passed the kitchen toward the stairs, but if Tanya noticed, she didn't let on. She didn't even miss a tune in her humming. Internally rolling my eyes, I moved to the bottom of the stairwell and slowly made my way up. As I passed by Kate's room, I noticed the door was shut—as if that would keep their privacy—and two sets of giggles bleeding through the door.

"...so then I was like 'At least I'm still not pining after the want to be human still,'" Irina said. Subsequently, the two burst into another round of laughter. As they talked about Rosalie, I felt my fury build into my chest. They had no right to talk to her that way.

_What are you talking about? Rosalie just treated you like shit. You have no reason to defend her._

Angrily, I moved past the room and toward the second set of stairs. Just as I was turning to go up, I noticed the door to Tanya's room was open. I blinked twice, debating whether to go in or not.

It only took about a millisecond of deliberation before I made my decision.

_Just a quick peek. I'll be in and out before anyone notices anything_.

Since the day after the broken piano, Tanya and I hadn't spoken a word to each other; a silent truce to agree to completely ignore each other. And so far, it was working out well.

I entered her room and was not shocked by anything I found. It was kind of messy, but not terribly so. At the same time, it wasn't clean. It looked like she hadn't gotten around to dusting it in a couple decades. Dust lined the shelves on her wall, covering the tops of some picture frames. Though some were empty, there were a few of Kate and Irina and Tanya, some of Carmen and Eleazar, and more than enough of just her.

I shook my head and moved on. I didn't need to see Tanya throughout the ages.

Her bed looked like it hadn't been touched in about a year. The creases stood out prominently among the soft crimson bedding.

Her nightstand was white, and atop it was a pretty gold picture frame surrounding a picture of—

I stopped dead in my tracks.

_Edward?! She has a picture of _Edward_ on her nightstand?_ What does she do, lay there and admire his picture like some lovesick teenager after her celebrity crush that she knows she has no chance with but still wastes time pretending she does anyway?

Fury bubbled in my chest when I noticed it was just about the only thing not layered with dust. It looked recently polished.

Not. Okay.

Anger bubbled in my chest like a pot of boiling water that had been left on the stove top too long and was starting to boil over.

At that moment, I heard Tanya's humming get closer and her footsteps leisurely climbing the stairs. Thinking quickly, I snatched the picture of Edward from the table and ran as fast as I could toward my room. I was in there in under a half a second.

I tried taking a moment to compose myself, but nothing was working. All I wanted to do was go back down there and strangle her.

With what little willpower I had, I tore myself from the door and went over to the small desk on the side of the room. I grabbed a loose piece of paper, not caring what may have been on the back, and wrote the only words I felt they needed to hear;

_I'm letting you all love again_.

I didn't sign it. I knew they would know who it was from, particularly by my messy scrawl.

I sat on my bed, the bed that I had spent most of the last year moping on, and, as carefully as I could, removed Edward's picture from the frame. He looked happy in this picture. It was obviously candid. He had been smiling—laughing, really—at something off to the side. He seemed so carefree. So blissfully unaware of what was going to happen to him. He was leaning casually against the counter, his arms folded in front of him.

Absently, I wondered when this was taken. For all I knew, it could have been taken fifty years ago. Then again, his clothes seemed relatively modern. His usual jeans and a button up shirt. It couldn't have been too long ago.

I gathered both the picture and the note into my hand, leaving the frame on my bed, and went to the door of my room. When I saw that there was no one there, I crept down the stairs and onto the main floor. It was empty, and the silence wasn't reassuring. I couldn't even hear Irina and Kate's muffled chatter on the floor above me.

Even still, I made my way to the empty family room, set the note down on the coffee table and headed towards the front door. I hadn't breathed in all this time and it was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I reached my hand out to turn the knob when she made her presence known.

"Bella," she said simply. That one word was filled with venom. I didn't have to look or smell to know who it was. Tanya.

My hand tightened on the knob, leaving small indentations. I didn't say anything, in fear I would make a fool of myself.

"Where do you think you're going?"

My eyes squeezed shut and I silently wished she would vanish. I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to explain to her what had happened. She didn't deserve to know.

A short intake of her breath alerted me that she was much closer than I originally anticipated. "I believe you have something that is mine."

Every muscle in my body tensed so that I didn't pounce on her. _Calm yourself, Bella_, I thought to myself. _Violence is not the answer. If you just ignore her, maybe she'll go away._

No such luck. She reached for the hand that held Edward's picture, but I moved it before she had a chance to accidentally rip it—or worse, just keep it for herself. I clutched the photo to my chest. Now that I couldn't talk to him, this would have to suffice. And I wouldn't be able to survive without this. We both knew that, but she didn't care. To her, the picture was rightfully hers. To me, it was mine. It should have been mine ages ago. And had she had any heart at all, she would have recognized that as well.

"That's mine," she whined, stamping her foot like a four-year-old.

I snapped my head around and glared at her. "That was never yours," I all but snarled. I knew the double meaning didn't escape her notice.

With that, I pulled the door open so fiercely it probably pierced the wall. But I didn't care. I was going to leave, and I wasn't going to come back.

I ran into the dense forest, not once glancing back toward the placed that had housed me for the past year. Looking back would only make me feel worse than I already was. And I didn't need that.

About a mile into the forest, I gingerly folded Edward's picture so it fit into my picket. I didn't want to worry about the damage that the air could do to it. It would be much safer in my pocket.

I don't remember where I ran to. I don't remember boarding the plane, or the plane ride. I don't remember the man that tried to hit on me from the seat in front of me, and I don't remember landing. I don't even remember running from the plane and toward the city.

But the next thing I knew, I was staring up at the gates of the city of Volterra, clasping the picture of Edward tightly in my hand, holding onto the last bit of him I had.

* * *

**A/N**: Ben: CLIFFHANGER!! How did you like it?! I hope you didn't cry. (Well, actually, I do...) There're just 2 more chapters, Allie and I decided, until the big epilogue, which is a sneak peek of the sequel. I bet you all are dying to know the title! The first 3 people to review for this will get it (please don't tell anyone though).

Well... review. I had fun writing this, as I'm sure cALLIE did too. So show us some love and we'll show you a preview of the next chapter.

Allie: Like I said before, I loved writing this chapter. I had so much fun with it. Anyway. TWO MORE CHAPTERS! Are you guys pumped or what?! :) Then on to the sequel... I'm so ready for it. We've got the prologue done already. (Though Ben doesn't like it. I do, though, and it's somewhat humorous. I felt it was a good short break from the depression of WHWHW. Tell Ben you agree with me, and want the prologue to be how it is. :) It'll make me feel better. Trust me, I know you guys will like it.) Anywho, you heard Ben. First three reviewers (if you didn't get it before) will get the title of the sequel. So GET ON IT! :)

_Until Tuesday,  
_-cALLIEfornia BENches.


	13. Fortuitous Home

**Disclaimer**: We do not own, nor claim to own, anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: So here's the much awaited Chapter 12. Unfortunately, as much as we hate them, it's a filler. It's a very necessary filler, but a filler nonetheless. Nothing super duper exciting happens in this chapter, but there's a bit of foreshadowing for the final chapter. Because this chapter came out _much _later than I wanted or anticipated, the final chapter will not be posted until next Tuesday. –_Ducks from flying food, etc. thrown by audience.–_ Hey now, not my fault. I wanted this posted on Thursday. Anyway, get on with the reading.

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
By: cALLIEfornia BENches**

The looming dark gates of the square brought back dark and distant memories, but each one clear and pristine in their condition. The clock tower to my left still stood high above the cobblestone plaza, and the square still looked like it could stretch on for miles at a time. Ahead were the various pillars and poles with statues above the spires; I had failed to see those intricate figures on my last trip here. I guess I was distracted that day.

The square had changed since last I had visited. There was still a light breeze faltering over my skin as I simply stood there, observing each and every detail of Volterra. But not one person lay in sight; the usually crowded area had absolutely no one within it. The eerie silence under the pale white moon created an unfamiliar air with the square, and it took some reassuring to persuade myself that this indeed was a place I had once been to.

I sniffed the air. No one had been here for the last few hours and all human scents had become scattered across the sky through the wind. I was all by myself, as it should be. I had taken Jasper's words to heart. I was a cold and brutal person. I was a curse, a certain plague upon even the eternally living. The lonely plaza simply reminded me of my deserved loneliness. I didn't belong with people; I never did.

So why was I here?

Why did I go here?

I hesitantly took a step towards the clock tower, glancing side to side nervously, awaiting a black cloak to cover my topaz eyes and capture myself and my life. But no one did, as I should have known.

I wandered around the square, letting my feet take me where they pleased. The town was beautiful at night. It seemed so serene and calm, as if everything was right in the world, even when I knew it wasn't. The moon cast shadows on the various statues and buildings, making the already dark ground even darker beneath its black umbra.

My nightmares hadn't done this place justice. Though it was more likely that the scenery simply had a bad aura connected to it in my dreams, and therefore was somewhat distorted to seem worse than it actually was. I furrowed my brow as I neared the ledge that I had once jumped off in an attempt to save Edward. A few feet from it was where that stupid camera bag had been laying on the ground, tripping me and changing my fate for as long as I existed.

And then there was the clock tower.

I looked up at it, craning my neck to see the time. It was 11:58. I couldn't help but stifle a sarcastic laugh at the irony. Shaking my head, I moved forward.

That movement forward brought another onslaught of memories crashing into my mind. Details; vivid details.

The way his eyes looked just before the blanket covered him, the way the sun had hit them at just the right angle so they sent a sparkle in my direction. The blackness of the coat, which, though it had looked soft, held nothing but my hatred. That blanket stole my life, literally _and_ figuratively.

I swear I could see people around me, scurrying and scrambling in a way so panicked that they kept running into each other as they all headed for different directions. The screams that were entering my ears were earth-shattering. They were screaming about Edward; _my_ Edward. They were frightened of him. I nearly scoffed aloud at the thought. Like Edward would ever hurt them. He couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a city of people.

I closed my eyes as the familiar senses overwhelmed me. I felt like I was at Volterra on that steaming hot day, again. I even raised a hand to the back of my neck and could have sworn it was hotter with sunburn. The sun felt like it was beating on my, making my skin throbbing and uncomfortable. The screaming and shoving around me didn't make me feel any better.

Just as it started to get to be too much, I opened my eyes. Everything was the same as it had been before; I had just imagined it all, as real as it had seemed. I breathed a quick sigh of relief.

Moving forward again, I reached the bottom of the clock tower. The place where Edward had broken the pavement was as good as new. I gasped. It was like it had never happened. You couldn't even tell that it had ever been cracked. I would have understood if they had replaced it with a shitty slab of concrete that stood out like a sore thumb, or even if they had tried to blend it in. But this—this was the work of a vampire. No human could do this good of a job.

I took a deep breath in, trying to see if there was any trace of his scent left anywhere in the square. There wasn't.

Then, as if struck by lightening, it hit me:

_If there's a human Alice, there's a human Edward somewhere_.

I pulled his picture from my pocket and stared at him. There was a small crease through the middle that faded around the picture from how many times within the past twenty-four hours that I had folded and unfolded it. The edges were a little wrinkled, too, just from being in my jeans. But it didn't take away from the picture at all. It still looked as good as it did yesterday. _He _still looked as good as he did yesterday.

I found myself looking for Edward, now. Even though the square was deserted, I was still hoping I'd find him. Alice had stayed around where she had died; maybe Edward had, too.

I took a deep breath through my nose, hoping to pick up his scent. I had never smelled him with vampire senses before, but I had a feeling I would recognize it if I smelled it. I walked under the clock tower, purposely over where they had taken him, and passed right over it. I hadn't been to this side of the town before.

I quickly shuffled my feet over the cobblestone bricks, ever so quietly approaching the clock tower with a silent ease. I couldn't seem to smell anything. There was nothing but the occasional sweet scent that belonged to nearby flowers. Slowly, the large tower loomed over my figure.

I stood silent for quite a while, simply gazing up with glassy eyes at the monolith. One year. In that short span of eternity, I had lost all my will to live, to do it forever. Each whistle of wind through my ears brought soft, velvet-like echoes in the square, and each gust on my neck a gentle peck. I wanted to moan. But I was still so transfixed intently upon the raised figure, hoping the hands of time would grant me one wish and wheel me back to this very place. One year ago.

I'd be ready then. I would have been able to dodge the bag. And I would have pushed my way through the crowd with tremendous force. If only…

A rustle of movement caught my attention from my right. Immediately, I tensed and my instincts took over. I crouched into the shadows and an inhumanly low growl escaped my throat. I didn't want to see anyone right now. It'd be too much for me.

A voice came from the shadows, speaking in a tongue that I didn't recognize. After a moment, it tried again. "You're a vampire," the low voice repeated. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

I tensed even more, never having been near a vampire that wasn't one of the Cullens or the Denali Coven. I knew most vampires didn't have our diet, but I had never met one that chose to feast on humans instead of animals.

The voice now moved into the light of the moon, and I could see the black cloak that flowed over their body and the hood that was raised over their head, casting a shadow over their face.

"Follow me," they said.

I hesitated for a half a second before I decided to start asking questions. "Who are you?" I asked him.

He stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at me—or it looked like he was looking at me, at least. I couldn't tell with his hood. "I'm Felix," he said. "I belong to the Volturi. I'm sure you've heard of them?"

"Of course," I snarled. _You ruined me_, I added mentally.

He tsked. "Why so hostile?" When I didn't respond, he continued, shaking his head. "You're still a newborn." Again, it wasn't a question. "What could you possibly have against the Volturi with so little time under your belt? And even more so, what are you doing out by yourself in a village at your age?"

"I'm not a newborn," I defended myself, "I'm almost nine months old. And what I have against the Volturi is none of your business."

He shrugged and proceeded to turn around and go back to wherever he was headed before. When he noticed that I wasn't following, he turned around again. "Well, are you coming or not?" I could have sworn I saw him shake his head in disapproval.

I shook my head. "Why should I?"

"Because Aro wants to meet you, and we can provide you with food and shelter until you move on. Aro likes to make acquaintance with all the passing vampires."

"I don't eat what you do," I replied, reluctantly following him. "I don't kill humans."

"Oh, you're one of _those_."

I raised an eyebrow at the back of his head. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He picked up his pace as soon as we were out of sight of any humans that could possibly see us. "Nothing, nothing. We've just seen much of your kind, lately. Picky. Very particular about what you will and won't eat."

_Edward_.

Without further thought, I followed the vampire named Felix, intent on finding out more about Edward, and possibly take it upon myself to get revenge.

With slow and wary steps, I trudged several paces behind Felix. I still wasn't sure what the point of this scheme could possibly be, but I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I had to let my senses take over. And my head told me to be cautious…

We neared a dark spire, one that would have been invisible to the human eye. The column was of a dark, dusty color, blending in with the architecture of the rest of the square. As we neared, I could make out a small crevice, large enough to fit a human, or vampire, through without difficulty. I stopped in my tracks and looked around, keeping an eye on Felix, who didn't seem phased at my apprehension.

"Relax," he commented in a nonchalant manner. "There's nothing that should be able to scare you here."

There were plenty things that could have scared me. For one, the square wasn't exactly the most pleasant place I'd ever been through. But the ambience of the dark spire and hole sent warning signals up to my head. With a swift decision, I surprised myself by stepping toward the hole after a vanishing Felix.

I could hardly remember the rest. The darkness—if you could call it so with vampire senses—induced me into a robotic-like trance. I remember venturing into a dark, wet and damp sewer, walking aimlessly after Felix for what would have seemed like hours, and ending up at a door. I don't ever recollect walking through the portal and stepping into a lavishly furnished underground castle and being surrounded by what smelled like vampires. Each and every one of them. Ahead of me was an old and ancient man in long red robes. His skin was the palest I had ever seen on anyone; a pearly fluorescent.

"Ahh, you must be Bella. I've seen a lot about you," the old man said. He was rather old, even for a vampire. He looked as though he had gotten changed when he was in his sixties or so. His long white beard hung down the front of his cloak, and his eyes crinkled when he smiled. He held out his hand for me to shake and when I did, he furrowed his eyebrows, as if puzzled. "But of course," he said, mostly to himself.

"How do you know my name?" I asked, wary.

He smiled, his eyes wrinkling again. "It is my power," he said. "When I touch people, I can see all their previous thoughts."

_Oh. So _that's_ why he wanted to shake my hand._

"I cannot see yours, though. I ought to have seen that coming. I mean, he told me you were immune to his powers, but I didn't know if you'd be immune to mine as well," he explained.

I was grateful that he couldn't see what I was thinking, for I would probably be sentenced to death for all the ungrateful thoughts shot in his and Felix's direction. I felt nothing but fury for those in front of me.

"So you're here," he said suddenly, "for Edward."

I cringed at the name being said aloud. Only Jasper and Carlisle had the ability to say it in front of me. I wasn't used to others saying it so freely.

"He thought a lot about you," he said. "Which is, of course, how I knew who you were. You look different than he pictured, though, thanks to your transformation. It did you well, as all do."

I was kind of put off by his remarks. I had never heard anyone talk so loosely about someone who they killed. It seemed unethical; how could he do that? Did he really kill people that often? Anger bubbled into my chest and I averted my eyes to the ground, watching my feet shuffle around mindlessly. I felt really uncomfortable here. Part of me wanted to go somewhere and curl up into a ball, disappearing as I used to in Denali. The other part of me wanted to tear his head off his shoulders and mount it on a pole.

"So you're friends of the Denali's, as well," he said in an attempt to be peaceful.

I nodded. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off. "Listen," I said, "I didn't plan on coming here. In fact, I think it's a bad idea that I'm even standing here. I'm trying," I swallowed, clenching my fists, "as hard as I can not to get angry. And I don't know much of anything about you, let alone what you've been through, but I can tell you it's hard to stand in front of the people who killed the love of your life with a smile on your face.

"He made a mistake," I reasoned, "There was no need to kill him. It was all a misunderstanding that led to an accident. There was nothing he could have done to prevent the situation. You'd have had to know that. It's not fair," I said, taking a deep breath in an attempt to control the angry tears from welling up in my eyes. I would not let him see me cry—or whatever it is vampires do.

Aro raised an eyebrow at me before exchanging an undecipherable glance with Felix.

"But Edward—" Felix tried to interrupt, but Aro cut him off.

"Silence, Felix," he ordered. "Now, you already know we did not kill him."

"Sending someone else to do your dirty work is the same, if not worse, as doing it yourself. It just proves that you're a coward," I snarled at him.

"I see," he said slowly, as if no one had ever talked to him like that. "Marcus," he said in the same tone of voice. I was confused for a moment before another vampire entered through the door.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Show Bella, here, around. Introduce her to everyone. And then show her to her room," Aro demanded. I didn't bother protesting. I submitted by staying here. I needed to find out more about Edward.

"The one that's—"

"Yes, that one," he said.

Marcus's brows furrowed, but he nodded in acquiescence.

The rest was a haze.

I trotted forth, this time behind Marcus, watching intently each and every red eye glancing in my direction. There were at least twenty of them, each one utterly beautiful, save for the blood-shot pupils. They looked royal, as they had a right to be here. I did not.

I purposefully diverted my gaze from the crowd, keeping my eyes focused on the tour ahead of me. A soft groan echoed off the walls and I turned once again to the sound. A short, almost angelic-like vampire stood a ways from the curious crowd. And unlike the rest, whose sharp gazes reflected a sort of entertained and bemused expression, this girl was anything but smug and excited. Her gesturing stance and piercing glare oddly reminded me of Victoria, and I immediately tensed up.

"Jane, calm," soothed a nearby vampire, who resembled James. I was becoming more and more uncomfortable and wished dearly that the tour would just start.

"You, Demetri, should worry about yourself, and not hold my shoulder so." She shrugged off Demetri's lingering hand and averted her hard stare back towards me. "Besides," she chanted, all the while looking straight into my eyes, "you and I know very well how well I can ruffle some feathers. Pain is merely an illusion anyway…"

I stood there, trying to decipher those weird sentences when Jane tensed and immediately frowned in my direction. My puzzled expression seemed to only anger her more.

_What was I doing?_

"Impossible. I can't let this happen," she whispered, a sense of awe and fury in her words. She began to shake, as if trying to convince herself something was only the imagination. I was utterly confused. "Its fine," crooned Jane, "I've hurt her in ways she doesn't even realize."

Demetri spoke up, "It doesn't work?"

"Of course it doesn't! Why else would I be complaining, you fool?!" She groaned once more and shot daggers through her eyes. I shuddered. "I'll just have to discuss something with Alec." With a smile on her face and a graceful bounce in her step, I was left alone. And so confused.

"Let's start the tour, shall we?" Marcus directed behind me to a hallway that was dimly lit.

Tall and grand spires filled the walls and large paintings hung on large frames above them. Elegant vases occupied various corners, and the colors red and gold were the only shades occupying the hall. Esme would have been extremely pleased, I told myself. I immediately shut myself up to prevent any more wounds to reopen.

After that, there wasn't much to see. There were simply too many described doors and rooms surrounding the halls that I lost track. Marcus continued to drown on in a bored and tired manner, which in turn only made me bored and tired.

I chose not to listen until I heard the words "your room." With a sigh of relief, I glanced at the direction to which he was pointing at, and began my trudge over to the door. Halfway, I heard Marcus speak in his most energetic voice yet.

"I would ask you not to be curious and seek other rooms," he said, looking at the various doors beside mine, "It would be quite a shame for you to run into something," he looked at me with a mischievous glint in his eye, "or someone, that you never thought you'd find here."

He turned around and left, leaving me as confused as I was relieved to be alone.

Maybe it was the fact that I was, in fact, alone again. Or maybe it was that I could now curl into myself as I had been hoping earlier. Either way, as I walked down the hall toward my room, I felt strangely at ease. Happy, almost. No, not almost. I _was_ happy. But I couldn't quite put my finger on why. But I felt strangely elated for the first time in years. So much so that there was a slight spring in my step.

It was weird, being happy after being miserable for so long. I never really understood when people had said that they felt like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders until now. I honestly felt lighter. I felt like it was impossible for anyone to upset me. I felt like I was home for the first time in over a year. I felt safe. I was with people that, though I felt nothing but hatred for them, were like me; they were destroyers. They did as I did. And for the first time, I felt as though I fit in.

I got to the room he had pointed out to me and opened one of the what seemed like hundreds of doors in the hall, I was nothing less than euphoric. Taking a deep waft of my new room, a smile stretched impossibly further across my face. I was home.

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**IMPORTANT A/N. Please read**: Told you it was a filler. And please, don't go assuming things after reading this chapter. There're more misleading quotes than there are foreshadowing quotes. And the foreshadowing quotes are very, very subtle. We wouldn't just go out there and say something. So don't assume. :)

Anyway, all of the following will be posted next Tuesday: Chapter 13 (the final chapter), an insight into the sequel, the sequel title, as well as the sequel release date.

I'VE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU! Okay. If you get us up to 100 reviews by midnight Thursday night/Friday morning, the, we'll post the final chapter on Friday night. The epilogue/insight to the sequel, sequel title, and sequel release date will still be posted next Tuesday, but really, the chapter is the most important of them all. :)

First five to review get the sequel title, if you haven't gotten it already. All reviewers get a preview of the final chapter. If you haven't ever reviewed before, I suggest reviewing this chapter, if only for the preview. It'll be worth it. Promise. :)

Okay, I've said enough. Sorry for the long AN. I had a lot to say. Haha. :)

_Until Tuesday,_  
-cALLIEfornia BENches


	14. Phoenix

**Disclaimer:** We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Don't question anything. Take it for what it is; the writing style seems a little unorthadox in the beginning, but that's how its supposed to be. Enjoy! The rest is at the bottom. Sorry it took so long to get up. But I can happily tell you that Ben was up until 2 last night finishing, and I was up until about 3. But then my computer froze and I was frustrated and tired so I just figured I'd post this morning.

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
****By cALLIEfornia BENches**

It'd been three weeks since I arrived in Volterra, and I felt like I had been of no more use than I would have been had I been back in Denali. I was constantly being pushed aside and told to get out of the way. I had no power to speak of—or at least none that had been any prevalent over the others—and thusly the Volturi had no need for me. I was merely on the sidelines, watching intently each and every moment of the day, as well as night. In my three weeks here, I began unintentionally to adjust to the way of life.

I still stayed as "vegetarian" as one vampire could possibly be; I didn't dare forget the reason why I chose not to follow the others to the square now and then. It pained me incredibly to see awed and wondering eyes—none red nor topaz—rush through the hall, unaware what lay between the doors.

I adjusted. That didn't mean I liked it; there were many times I thought to save one. Perhaps the little girl clutching her bear, knowing that this wasn't a nice place. Or maybe I could have escorted the teenage boy who walked in nonchalantly with earplugs on to another door, one that didn't lead him to Death.

But I chose not to. What was death, anyway? What was the point of saving them? I was a vampire. A useless, loveless, unloved immortal girl who wasn't meant to save others. I was meant to kill them. I don't know how, but each and every time "feeding" day came, I managed to turn a blind eye. I managed.

I lived life only half. Outside of my room, I was a shell of a pale bloodsucker. I merely observed and memorized faces and names. But there was no one to laugh with and share my sorrows. There were no funny faces here, no small jokes wafting in the air. Pomposity at it's finest; the mood was always strict and demanding. I seemed to be a sore thumb in the place.

I was pretty sure my welcome had been up for about two weeks now, but none were rude enough to tell me off. So I stayed.

Most of my time was spent in my room, basking in the feeling I seemed to only get when I was there. I had been in there so much that my thoughts had had time to sort themselves out. I felt like I was finally thinking clearly.

Today, I sat in my room. There were no ceiling bumps to count, the walls were marble smooth. All I had from before were a few clothes on my back and _his _picture. I spent hours staring at each eye, each curve of his gentle lips. And every time I memorized his features, I knew I'd never remember, and I'd give myself more reason to delve further into the photo.

BEEP

The alarm softly murmured. I hastily turned off the screeching and shuffled my feet out the door. 4:00. It was time to observe and assimilate into royalty.

The minute I stepped out of my door, I could feel it. Each thud of my feet brought numbness to my legs, which traveled through my body. It was as if I had left my protective bubble, and someone decided to shoot nova cane through my system. I involuntarily shuddered, wondering why each and every time I turned hazy. The sensation was the only thing I had a hard time adjusting to.

After that, the rest was simply a blur. Vampires glided forth, each a different smell than the rest. I didn't bother understanding who was who; I was trying to get used to my numb body, as I did everyday. As with before, colors simply mixed with each other, as did those smells, as did everything.

_Blue? Orange? Looks the same to me._

I continued to walk down the corridor, ignoring the spires I gawked at in wonder my first time here. I was used to it all.

I didn't care anymore. I didn't care that I was immortal; the whole concept of forever hindered my outlook on the future. It didn't seem to matter that no one here liked me. Hell, no one alive liked me as far as I was concerned. Edward left, I left Forks, and the Cullens were fed up with me. And in the span of the three weeks that I was here, no matter how unnaturally joyous I was in my room, or tolerated, I learned to hate myself here. I wish I would just leave.

_Get out of here!_ I told myself.

Silence.

I stopped in my tracks when I was hit with tremendous force by the most prominent smells of the Volturi, and my feet led the way to a small office far from where I stood. Soft, but clear mutterings were heard behind the door. Had I actually tried, I might have deciphered what they were actually saying.

"Well what are we going to do about it?" I overheard the voice of Jane saying as I got closer to the door. I usually didn't seem to meddle in troubles. I tried with all my might to move my feet away from the room. But I obviously was never strong enough.

I slowed to a stop just before the doorjamb and leaned my back against the wall, curious as to what they were talking about.

"We can't just go killing things anymore," Aro said, "They'd have to have done something wrong, and they haven't. We just need to get rid of them somehow. And I don't know how."

Someone gasped mockingly. "The Great Aro, at a loss for plans?" Marcus's voice came through with a laugh. Never had I heard such a bored vampire let out a huff of humor.

Aro gave a frustrated sigh. "I have ideas, but don't know how to go through with them, if that makes sense. I know exactly what to do to get them to leave, but I don't know how to get there." I wondered who _they_ were and why the Volturi wanted them gone. I immediately took pity on them. They hadn't done anything wrong, Aro said. Edward had been taken from me and he hadn't done anything wrong, either.

"What do you have planned?" Felix's voice came though.

"If we make them miserable enough, they'll vanish. I just don't know how to make themselves so horribly miserable that they disappear."

It was now I decided to make myself known. I stepped in front of the doorway, alerting them of my presence—if they hadn't already smelled me, that is. Aro cocked an eyebrow in my direction, silently asking what I wanted. Jane sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at me. I could feel the fury emanating from her slanted eyes. I decided to look away from her and focus on Aro.

"Take something they love," I said timidly.

Marcus's eyebrows furrowed. "Pardon?"

"I'm sorry," I said, taking a step into the room, "I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. And I happen to be an expert at being miserable. I don't know who you're talking about, or what kind of person they are, but if you take away something that they love, it'll ruin them. Always does." They were silent for a moment, simply staring at me. I cleared my throat. "Sorry, I shouldn't have interrupted. I'll go," I said, turning around to leave. What sounded like a cackling laugh of approval sounded from Jane's pursed lips.

"Wait," Aro called out. I froze. "Wait just a moment. What were you saying?"

I took a deep, unnecessary breath as I turned back to face them. Their faces were stone, none of them portraying what they felt. "I never understood what it was like to be unneeded and unwanted until Edward left. Until then, I think I had been showered with adoration. So much so, that it was weird having it gone. It sucked when he left me." I paused, debating whether or not to continue. But their cold stares left me gaping at the air around me, wanting nothing more than to earn their approval.

Taking another step into the room, I continued. "But it's a different feeling entirely to know that he loved me, and that I was never going to see him again. When you guys took him from me, I don't think I ever got over it. I _still_ spend a majority of my time making decisions based on his opinions, even though I know he's not here anymore.

"It's always 'What would Edward do?' or 'What would he have wanted?' I'm tortured with the fact that I'll never know. I won't know what he thinks of my being a vampire, or what he would say to me if he found out I had come here, of all places, to spend eternity. Or at least, eternity for now. It kills me—no pun intended—that I'll never know if he really approves of anything I've ever done.

"That kind of torture—" I looked down at my feet. I knew I shouldn't be suggesting this. I had said many times before that I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, and here I was, telling the Volturi how to torture their victims. But isn't this what I came here for? To finally accept myself as a destroyer? I looked up at them again with a new sense of bravery. "That kind of torture would stop anyone from living, figuratively speaking. It'd be perfect for whatever you guys are planning."

Aro nodded, looking between Marcus, Felix, and Jane.

"You can't be serious," Jane spat.

Aro furrowed his eyebrows.

"She comes in here with some sob story about how we ruined her life, and you're going to sit here and take it? You're going to believe her, just like that?" she argued.

"She has a good point, Jane," Felix said with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's a good way to ruin someone."

Jane fumed, and I'm sure if it had been possible, her face would have been red with anger. She shook her head slowly, casting an evil glare at the three males surrounding her at the table. "I've been suggesting ideas ten times better than this for decades now. How is it that the newborn walks in here with a stupid idea and all the sudden you're all falling at her feet?"

Marcus lifted his shoulders, then dropped them back down. "Maybe you just don't have good ideas."

She made a noise that sounded like a teenage girl whose dad had just told her to go back to her room and change into more decent clothes and proceeded to stomp out of the room, rattling the old building a little.

"Take a seat, Bella."

For the next couple of hours, I talked. I let all my bottled up emotions and feelings out to Aro. I didn't even understand why. I simply just removed the cork holding the flooded gates, and poured out all the contents.

I talked about my love for Edward, making sure I used the right words to describe it.

_Beautiful._

_Everlasting._

_Nullified._

I tired to find the right phrasing to describe the Cullens, how I loved them, and how I left. I strayed away from why, even though Aro seemed highly intrigued. Marcus, who had been in the back of the conversation, kept asking about Edward and I, as if it were the main focal point of the entire confession.

After explaining my woes, I decided to retire back to my room. I bid the two farewell, and closed the door.

_Bella, _the velvet voice rang. This time, however, the sound was too close for comfort, almost as if it were real. My name was pleaded, not said. And the word echoed through my ear like a funeral tune.

I cruised the halls of the castle, opening every door I could find.

Occasionally, there I walked in on something important. Once I walked in on a feeding—if vampires could puke, I would have been in the bathroom in a flash. It was a disgusting sight, and one I never wanted to see again.

I made my way through the hallways with ease, not worrying about what I was going to discover behind the doors, unless it was Edward. I could have walked in on a couple of vampires going at it, and I wouldn't have minded.

It seemed as though I spoke too soon, though; the next door I opened, I found Marcus and one of the humans sprawled on a bed in a position that I didn't even want to know about. Using the human one last time before she became his dinner. I cringed, and with a quick apology, shut the door again.

_Ew._

A shiver went through my body as I finished up that hallway and moved onto the next one. I knew this hallway well; it was the one that contained my room. I could even see it from here. As I neared it, I started feeling happiness seep back into my body like having a hot cocoa after a day in the snow—one of my favorite memories from being a human.

I easily made my way through the doors and found that most were bedrooms. After eliminating my own room, I had limited it down to two. There were two rooms in the entire castle that I had yet to open.

Two doors. And I was drawn to both. The happy and jovial glee finally began creeping through me, electrifying each and every one of the dormant nerves which I had numbed in my adventure outside the room. Now I was caught between which door to open.

Unnatural excitement coursed through my veins.

_Bella, _he pleaded in my mind. He wanted me to save him.

_BUT HE'S DEAD! _I screamed. But I wasn't heard; my name continued in a chanting mantra from his voice. Fear and pure adrenaline drowned out all other sounds. I was unable to think rationally, unable to process what would happen if he wasn't behind one of the fellow knobs. All I wanted was to be in his arms. To be coddled forever. To hide in the crook of his neck and breath in, hoping my lungs can take in as much heaven as possible. I wanted a home to go to. I longed to a genuine laugh and a pair of topaz eyes to look at me and finally understand how much I loved him.

I wanted to cry and burst into song at the same time. I never felt so alive in the past year as I did now. And it was because of this.

Two doors.

Realization hit me in two ways; Edward might never be here. Cupid's arrow tore out of my chest at this epiphany. I could be hoping far too much…

I needed to open one of these doors. I had to find out which door held a Greek god and if any brought about Greek tragedies.

I slowly took a step between the two and closed my eyes.

"Time to see what's behind Door Number 1," I said to myself in a shaky breath.

Planting each of my feet carefully, I made for the door to my left. Exhilaration flowed freely through me. I could hear each creak of marble and crunching of the shoes below me. After such a long time of being numb to the world, to life and colors, I began to see clearly again. It was as if I was blind and finally given by God the liberty to see, and all around me were wild, blooming flowers.

I had reached the door, and my shoulders were moving choppily with each haltering breath I took. The possibility of Edward might be behind the door.

The possibility of Life. Happiness. Smiles. Love. Edward.

I turned the knob ever so slowly, cringing slightly at the rusty squeak the handle produced.

Almost there.

I closed my eyes once more and prayed that God was being merciful. That all this suffering was to appreciate what I would receive. Perhaps he answered my cries…

I opened the door, and I was met with darkness; I expected a ray of sun glowing from the room and to hit me.

Black.

I peered into the shadows and called out. "Hello?"

Immediately, I heard shuffling, and the excitement soared my hopes.

"Edward?"

A figure began to come forth. But before I could register who it was, it pounced. And I was covered by a black blanket, muffled, and gripped in a death vice.

The cackling of laughter filled my ears.

_Jane._

"How cute," she sneered, "I guess you shouldn't have picked door number one." For the first time, I agreed.

Tears diluted my eyes as I tried unsuccessfully to squirm. It was no use; she was much too strong. No matter how much I fought, she held on with a grip of a steel cage. I was stuck.

I knew I shouldn't have come here. Edward is dead. I'm not wanted. And now I'm here to die.

I should have begun to panic. But I didn't. In fact, I immediately ceased all my squirming and lay limp as I felt her shift me onto her shoulders.

Death didn't seem so bad. I smiled; I would finally see Edward again. I would be able to do all the things I wanted. The joyous feelings were coming back, and I smiled under the covers.

_You are crazy, _the rational side of me reasoned. I was throwing my life away. I was letting evil prevail. I should be fighting to save myself. That Edward wouldn't have wanted this.

But every other cell in my body protested such nonsense. I was finally happy. There was no life without Edward. I had been dead a long time ago, however unofficial it may be. I was simply a corpse taking up space. Without it, I was free to be loved and to love. Reality was only as tangible as I make it to be.

I saw it as such:

I was dead. I was sure of it. Every sign leaned toward my future ashen body lying on the floor. Lifeless. And this moment in my godforsaken life was easily the most perilous I had ever endured. Greater than the ballet studio that was etched vaguely in my mind.

And yet, it wasn't. I was hunched over her shoulder, gagged, blindfolded, and gripped in a steel-trap vice around my stomach. Each step my captor took led to a tightening of their grasp on me. But it wasn't impossible.

I could get out. I could fight. Even in my state, I could squirm and cause a fuss.

But I didn't see the point.

He was gone. Out of my doorway and out of my sight. All effort to escape my captor's hold was gone. It was gone long ago. It had left with his touch.

I could tell we were rounding a corner. Even my instincts were bidding against me and had counted the steps and turns of my body's journey. I wasn't going to let my mind get caught up this time. I was going to deal with the pain with very ounce of pride left. No tears and screams. Smiles, maybe.

I was going to die. And it was in his name. In their names. Death was going to welcome me with open arms while I looked into his dark face. And behind him would stand and angel brighter than the sun sparkling over his chest. I would be home.

The footsteps stopped, as did my slow and steady fantasy.

"We're here," the voice shrilled. "Death is just beyond the door." With that, I heard a slow creak punctuate the silence. The blindfold flew off of my eyes with a flash.

And I was pushed in. The door closed.

"Thank you," I managed to murmur.

I landed with a thud, cushioning my fall with only my hands. I could have tried to get out, to fight. But I didn't. If I were to die, I was going to die of my own volition. And at least this way, I could be with Edward. It'd be our own happily ever after—one laced with love and happiness.

Though I had thought about the possibility of my own death more than once, it had never been a reality to consider until now. Now I had nothing. I had no family, no friends. The Volturi had taken me for granted. What did I have to live for?

I would be so much happier when she killed me.

"Don't even try to escape," she told me from the doorway, as if she wanted me to want to leave. "The walls are soundproof, and were built to hold vampires. Even newborns. So they can resist any strength. You can't get out."

"Okay," I said simply.

She glared at me before closing the heavy door behind her. The room was pitch-black now. Even with my vampire vision, it was difficult to see much around me. They really must have built this to hold vampires hostage. The ground was made from the same material as the wall—a hard substance that seemed as though it were made of metal and cement.

Had I been human, I probably would have been affected by the eerie room. It seemed to have everything that rooms in scary movies had: a dripping from somewhere in a corner, absolutely no furniture, no windows, no traces of light—nothing.

Absently, I wondered how many had been here before me—if Edward had stayed here, too.

I took a deep breath of the air, attempting to make out a scent I was sure I would recognize upon smelling. What I got instead took me by surprise. There was a potent perfume absorbing the air and changing it into this sweet smell. It was too potent to be the remnants of a past vampire; this was fresh.

There was someone in here with me. And I couldn't see them through the darkness.

"Hello?" I called out.

I heard a mild rustling, and someone took in a sharp gasp of breath.

"Who's there?" I asked, cautiously backing into a corner. I knew it would do me no good and only end up trapping me in a corner, but it was impulse. It was weird that, after accepting my own death, I was now freaking out about some other vampire who had no way to kill me here.

When they didn't respond, I shook my head and sunk to the ground with a light thud. I would leave them be for a while. If it were the last hours of my life, I would spend it reminiscing. Of Edward, of the Cullens, of Charlie...

Oh, Charlie.

I had been gone nearly a year now. I could only imagine how horribly he worried he was. That is, if he even cared anymore. My last few months there, I was no fun. He was probably relieved that this was finally out of his hair.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the rough wall. I kind of wished I could sleep, but at the same time I knew there would have been no comfortable way to lie down.

I imagined that Edward was there, sitting next to me. If only he were here to hold my hand—or, hell, hold _me_—everything would be alright. I just knew it. And soon enough, I realized with a sigh, it would be. I hoped they would get this over quickly. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to be brave about this. I didn't think I would chicken out and suddenly want to live, but I guess I never knew.

"I miss you," I said aloud, as if Edward could hear me from here. I had said it so quietly, though, that I doubted the sound carried over to the other vampire in the room; it had probably been absorbed by the walls before it reached him or her.

"Bella," Edward's voice rang in my head. It almost sounded as though it was real. In a fit of desperateness, I wanted to reach out and touch him. But I held back; I knew he wasn't there. I didn't want to get my hopes up again after having them crushed back in the woods. Still, it felt good to hear his voice. I smiled.

"Bella," his voice said again, this time louder. "Is that really you?"

_Yes_, I answered mentally. _This is me. This is what I've come to._ I hung my head, slightly ashamed. _I'm sorry_, I told him.

"It's you," he said, sounding surprised. It sounded so real, I scrunched my eyes closed. It was _too_ real. All this was doing was torturing me. I didn't want to hear it any longer.

_Of course it's me. Whose head were you expecting?_ I sighed. _I believe I asked you to leave me alone back in the forest._

"Bella," he repeated a third time.

I pressed my hands over my ears, as if that would cure me of hearing it again. "Stop it," I said. "Stop torturing me," I said, mostly to myself.

Absently, I wondered if this was something the Volturi had conjured up. Torturing me with his voice until I finally just cracked and tore myself apart. It'd be less work on their part, I supposed, if I did everything for them.

Upon taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down, I realized the scent had gotten stronger. It was as if the vampire was right next to me. I noticed, too, that there was a warm air blowing a few strands of my hair away from my face. It was breath. Was the other vampire really that close to me?

I didn't really want to open my eyes, as it was rather creepy to have a vampire in your face like that, no matter who you are. But when I heard Edward's voice again, as if it were right next to my ear, my eyes flew open.

"Bella?" he asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head, closing my eyes again. I couldn't believe I was even seeing him, now. My mind was a mean, mean place. "Leave me alone," I whined. Was this what happened when you knew you were close to death? Did you hallucinate so vividly that all five senses were tingling with the proximity of the imaginative figure?

There was a sigh, followed closely by a gush of air on my face. "Bella," Edward's voice said, "Open your eyes, love."

I shook my head adamantly. "I can't," I told the imaginary version of him. "Because when I do, and then find out you aren't real, it'll only be that much worse. In which case, I would end up begging to Volturi to kill me faster." I shook my head once more for good measure. "And I don't want to resort to begging. That's not me."

There was a velvety chuckle, and then a hand brushed my hair behind my ear.

"Stop it!" I shouted, burying my face in my knees. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

"Bella," he said, "Bella, Bella, Bella. Take a deep breath and open your eyes. I don't know how vivid your dreams usually are, but I can promise you that this isn't one of them. It's me. I'm here."

"No, you're not. You're a figment of my imagination."

A gentle finger reached and gingerly lifted my chin up. I still kept my eyes closed. It would be so hard to see my mind's version of him in front of me only for it to be taken away from me in a matter of moments. All it would take was for me to believe it for just one second, and then it would all be gone. I didn't think I would be able to handle that.

_You'll be with him soon, Bella_, I assured myself. _Just give it time._

"Open your eyes," the voice cooed.

Cautiously, I opened one eye.

Staring back at me was none other than the love of my life. My imagination really was vivid. He even looked like he had been contained for a while—probably the way he looked when he was killed. The purple under his eyes was dark, as though he hadn't hunted in weeks. His skin was paler than normal, so much so that it nearly glowed in the darkness. His hair was ever unruly and untamable as ever, and I longed to run my hand through it. But I knew—I just knew that as soon as I did, he would disappear. I clutched my hands into a fist to refrain.

I closed my one eye before opening them both.

"It's really you," he said. "But what happened to you?"

I shook my head. "You already know," I told him. "You were in my head the whole time, just as you are now. You should already know. You should also know that I don't want to live it again."

"You still don't believe I'm here, do you?"

"Of course not, Edward," I explained. "You died. I _watched_ you die. I heard every gruesome detail. How could you possibly be here now if that were the case?"

He shook his head, a smile creeping onto his face as he reached for me and pulled me into his lap. "I didn't believe it was you when she first pushed you in here. I knew you were here—I had heard it in their minds—but I never in a million years would have thought they would have put us in the same jail together."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You just want me to believe it's you," I said.

"Always so stubborn," he said with a short laugh. It was a lovely sound, though he cut it off abruptly as if it sounded weird to him, like he hadn't done it in a while and hearing it shocked him. He was silent for a moment before he continued. "How can I prove it to you?" he asked me. "How can I prove that I'm actually here, touching you, holding you, breathing you in?"

I thought for a moment before shaking my head. "You aren't, though, so it's a moot point."

He rested his cheek on the top of my head and tightened his arms around me. "Silly Bella."

It felt so real. I could actually feel his breath tickling my hair, the feel of his hands rubbing up and down my arms, as if he was trying to memorize my new shape; like he was trying to convince _himself_ it was real.

And with that thought, as if someone flipped a switch in my head, it all made sense: Edward was alive. And he was here. With me. Holding me. And somehow, I just knew.

This wasn't fake anymore.

It was actually happening. This was the moment that I had been dreaming about constantly since the day he left me back in Forks.

"This is real, isn't it?" I said cautiously, still a bit afraid he would disappear.

"Mhmm," he murmured into my hair, his lips brushing so softly against the crown of my head I almost didn't feel it.

"But how?"

He shook his head. "It's such a long story, Bella. I don't want to talk about it right now. Right now, I just want to sit here. With you. We've been apart all too long." He sighed and buried his face into my neck, inhaling my scent. "You're a vampire," he said, his voice slightly muffled. It wasn't a question.

I nodded once. "Of course. You didn't actually think I would just grow old and forget about you, did you?" I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt amazing to be able to be with him again. If I were human, I would be bawling of happiness. If I thought I had been happy before, it was nothing compared to now. I had never been truly happy as a vampire, and it was a different feeling entirely. The feeling flowed through me freely, like a vampire's version of endorphins, only about ten times stronger.

"It's what you should have done. I'm not saying it what I wanted, but you know you'd be better without me. It's obvious to everyone but you."

"Who is everyone?" I asked, pulling away from him slightly. Almost reflexively, his arms tightened around me and brought me closer. I shook my head and pushed against him, my newborn strength overbearing his, and his arms relaxed around me.

"I don't ever want to let you go," he mumbled.

"And you don't have to," I said, "But who is everyone?" I asked again.

"Me, for starters." He cast his gaze down toward the place where he was now intertwining our hands.

"You don't want to spend forever with me?" I asked, baiting him slightly. Part of me just wanted to hear the answer that I knew I would receive.

"Don't be silly," he said. "Of course I want to spend forever with you. I would give anything to be able to hold you for the rest of eternity and never let you go." He took a deep breath. "I was miserable without you, Bella. The whole time. I didn't know how I was to go on. And then when Rosalie told me you killed yourself...," he trailed off. "I couldn't help but know it was my fault. I tortured myself with that information; the fact that you were as miserable as me. And I just...," he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine, "I love you," he said, almost as if it were a question.

"Edward," I said, grabbing his face between my hands and melting a little inside when I looked him right in the eyes. "Stop avoiding my question." I raised my eyebrows at him, urging him to continue.

"Well me, and... well..." He finally looked up at me with sad eyes. They were pitch black, even in the darkness. I wondered when the last time he had fed was. "Now isn't a good time to ask me. I can't...," he drifted off, as if looking for the right word, "I can't focus with you here like this. You weaken my defense."

He unleashed the power of his eyes on me and I stared, nothing short of dazzled before I shook myself out of it. "How do you do that? I'm a vampire now, and you still have the exact same effect of me that you had when I was human."

"Minus the speeding heart," he said with a smile.

"Minus the speeding heart," I repeated, basking in the glory that was Edward. I leaned forward again and pressed my face into his neck, breathing in his vampire scent. I couldn't believe I hadn't recognized it earlier.

But then, maybe I had. When Marcus had shown me my room for the first time, I had smelled him. I hadn't known it was him, but I should have recognized the feeling I had gotten as soon as I walked into the room. Had I had known that he was in the next room over, I wouldn't have spent three weeks moping.

I closed my eyes and cozied into him. "Tell me what happened. Tell me about everything since the day you left."

"Everything?" he asked. I could feel his voice and smiled larger than I had in ages.

"Mmm," I replied.

He blew out a deep breath, preparing himself for the long story that I'm sure was ahead. "I think it was harder for me than you imagined, that day I left." I opened my mouth and started to sit up to protest, but he stopped me and held me back down so I was cuddled against him. "It went against every fiber in my being to leave you alone, but the logical side of me was right in that it was completely necessary."

At this, I scoffed.

"Shh," he said. "Just listen. So I left. And then it was like I had no reason to exist. I don't think I had fully acknowledged how happy you actually made me every time I was with you. And with that gone, I was gone.

"It was the most difficult for Esme, I think. I digressed to how I had been before you, if not much, much worse. I never got out of bed, I only hunted when it was absolutely necessary. I was a mess, to say the least. I had no will to leave my bedroom. I suppose I was selfish in never leaving. The family suffered greatly as they tried to find a good cover story as to why I hadn't left my bed in a few months.

"'Edward, you need to get out of bed,' Carlisle told me almost every day. He rarely got a response though, and I think he gave up. He tried talking to me multiple times, but it was hard for him to understand how it was for me. I had lost my life, in the theoretical sense, when I lost you. He still has Esme. It wasn't as though he didn't try, he just didn't understand well enough to comprehend what was going on."

As he talked, I felt overwhelmed with déjà vu. He was describing, almost word for word, how I was after Volterra. I started to say something about that to him, but he cut me off before any words left my mouth.

"Jasper had a difficult time handling how I felt, and generally tended to stay as far away from me as possible, so I don't exactly know how he handled the whole thing.

"Emmett, of course, spent a lot of his time trying to cheer me up. Most of which were lost causes, of course, and about ninety-eight percent of the time he made me feel worse, but I figured it was the thought that counted. He got an A for effort.

"And then there was Alice," he said with a slight laugh.

I cringed. He didn't know yet.

He stopped abruptly, noting the change in my body. "What? What's wrong?"

"Oh, Edward," I said, burying my face into his tattered shirt. "It's all my fault. I never should have been so pouty. If she hadn't been so worried about me, she never would have wanted to go hunting and—"

"Shh," he cooed, "Slow down. Now take a deep breath." He joined me in doing so. "And start over. What was all your fault?"

"Alice," I said. "Alice was—she died." I looked down, knowing my unworthiness of even looking at him right now. I killed his sister. He probably wouldn't love me at all anymore. As soon as he found out, he was going to want to leave me. "I just... I hadn't been feeling too well, and Alice was worried," I said. "She came home one weekend—because she and Jasper weren't staying in the house with us due to my emotions—and was worried about me. I hadn't hunted in ages, which isn't good for a newborn." As I told the story, Edward's brow furrowed.

"And then we split up in the forest, and Victoria found her before I could get there and then it was too late. I'm so sorry, Edward."

He remained silent, stunned. He looked as though he were trying hard to process the information being spat at him.

I cleared my throat. "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me. You can join the club—Jasper's president, along with Esme and Rosalie."

"Now why would I do that?" he asked. I stared at him, shocked. It was obvious, wasn't it? I killed his sister. He had no reason to want to date someone who was responsible for the murder of his family. "It wasn't your fault," he said. "Sure, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that's not the point. Victoria was the one that killed her, not you. We should be avenging Victoria."

"I already took care of that," I said. "She won't be a problem anymore. I killed her."

He raised his eyebrows. "I won't lie, Bella. That's pretty hot."

"But Edward!" I protested.

He laughed. "No 'buts', silly girl. Now let me finish my story. Alice was by my side the entire time. I always felt like she was the only other person that understood me in general. It was comforting, but there was only so much she could do. She knew that the only thing that had the ability to make me better was you. And I refused to have anyone take me to you. Still, she sat by me, only hunting when I did, only talking when she felt necessary, completely abandoning her husband... She was too good to me.

"And last but not least there was Rosalie, bless her heart. When Alice got the vision, she had been away from me for the first time in months. She had gone out to buy—of course—some new clothes for the up and coming winter. She had been far enough away that I had not been able to see the vision. Next thing I knew, Rosalie was calling me and telling me you were dead.

"And then there was that phone call, where the mongrel answered and verified it. There was nothing I wanted more than to simply join you in heaven. It was my only desire, and nothing was going to stop me. I had left before Alice and Rosalie got home.

"When I got to Volterra, they refused me. They said it was too much of a waste to let a talent like mine be turned to dust. But you have to remember, in their minds, I was doing this for a human. I was doing this for the same species that they had eaten for _lunch_. It meant nothing to them. So I tried a different tactic, and threatened to expose the species. But they didn't believe that I would follow through.

"So I planned the whole clock tower stunt. I don't think you understand how badly I died inside when they took me away from you. I couldn't believe they would be so heartless as to actually do that, when they could have easily just taken care of the people around when it happened. Which they ended up doing anyway. So I didn't see why they had to take me away and lock me up in this godforsaken room.

"I spent so much time in here, debating whether I would be able to get out or not. I had planned an entire escape route before it hit me: What if you didn't want me anymore? What if, seeing me about to kill myself had changed your perspective on me? I didn't think I would have been able to deal with the pain of that. So I just survived on pretending that you were out there somewhere, still loving me. I figured it would be best to die happy than live an eternity as miserable."

I put my hand over his mouth to keep him from talking. "You mean to tell me you didn't come looking for me, and you had a way out?"

He looked down, ashamed.

"You knew I was out there, you knew I loved you, and you still didn't come looking for me? Why? How _could_ you? I waited for you, Edward. Everyday I waited for you to come and tell me it was all a dream. You honestly mean to say you've been in this cell of your own volition for nine months?" I was angry, there was no doubt. And part of me felt bad for yelling, but he deserved it and we both knew that.

"To think," I said, "This whole thing could have been avoided."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I just... I couldn't," he said, stroking my cheek. "It was stupid and selfish of me." Of course, he was instantly forgiven. Part of me wished he wasn't so damn irresistible so I could stay angry at him for longer than two seconds next time.

I sighed. "It's fine," I said. "Continue."

"But they didn't kill me right away. They insisted on torturing me. They said that I could be let free and spend the rest of my existence fighting with them, which in my opinion isn't free at all, or I could sit in here until I decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my existence fighting with them. It was a lose-lose situation.

"Since I refused to work for them, they kept me here. They fed me half a liter of cow blood every month. I don't know where they got it, but it was horrible quality. It tasted like the cow was ancient and had been sick with some sort of disease. But beggars can't be choosers, so I let it be. And that's how I lived for eight months.

"When thoughts started bleeding in of you coming to the castle, I thought you had come for me. I thought the reason you came was because you knew I was in trouble and that I needed you now more than ever. But then I started hearing Aro and Jane think about how you thought I was dead, and they had killed me.

"They decided to play along with the story of yours, just so you wouldn't know I was literally right next door to you. Bella, even as a vampire your scent sings to me. I can't tell you how many nights I spent pressed against that wall, inhaling your scent. It made me so happy to know that you were so close. But at the same time, it killed me that you were completely untouchable.

"I didn't believe it when Jane threw you in here. She must have forgotten that I had been in here for so long. And then you didn't think I was real... And, well, here we are. Does my story check out?" he asked.

I nodded ferociously. I wanted nothing more in this very moment than to kiss him. My eyes drifted down to his lips, and his did the same. Simultaneously, we both leaned in and our lips touched gingerly. It was hardly a kiss. Angered slightly, I pulled away.

"I'm not breakable anymore, Edward."

A devious grin crossed his face as he, in no uncertain terms, attacked me. My back fell onto the hard cement as his body hovered over mine in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. I wanted it to go on forever. He had never kissed me like this when we were human.

His tongue traced my lips and I gladly opened, grateful for this close sense of contact. I felt closer to him now than I ever had before.

I drew my hand up and ran it through his hair, earning a quiet groan from his lips. This was, hands down, the best moment of my life. I couldn't imagine anything that would have made it any better.

We broke apart and sat up, both of us catching the breath we didn't need. "Wow," he said.

"Wow indeed," I agreed.

His buried his face in my neck again, this time burying it with kisses and licks until he decided he had had enough and moved back up to my lips. They moved together in perfect synchronization and I was once again reminded how perfectly we fit together.

But, as if someone had it out for us, a drop of water chose that moment to fall right between us, landing on my cheek. I drew back and stared up at the crack above us that was leaking water.

"That was my escape route," he said randomly. I must have looked confused, because he then followed up with, "The entire room's made of vampire-proof material, right? Well this crack, created simply from rotting and old age, is the perfect way to get out. Just above it is the top of the castle. With enough leverage on the crack, we can open it up until there's a hole for us to escape through."

I nodded. "Okay," I said. "Let's go."

He furrowed his brows. "What?"

"Let's get out of here. I have you, now. I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

With that, we started to work on the hole. There wasn't much to it. It was basically just finding the correct angle on which to push against, and it would fall. I was glad the room was soundproof, because we were making a racket, what with all the demolition going on. Not to mention the kisses we snuck after every big chunk fell to the ground.

We made a game out of it; It if was a small chunk, there was only a peck. A medium sized chunk, we got a longer kiss. And if we got a huge piece, we shared kisses more like the one we had a few minutes ago than how we had been before.

With time, the ceiling came down and there was a hole big enough to fit one of us comfortably. Edward helped me up first, and then I waited while he hoisted himself up. With that, he scooped me up, bridal-style, and jumped off the top of the building. The people of Volterra were the last people on our minds.

As we landed, he continued carrying me.

"You can put me down now," I said, laughing.

"I don't think so," he said. "I don't plan on putting you down ever again."

He continued to carry me in his arms with ease. I didn't bother looking where we were going, so long as he was right there with me. His muscles flexed as we made our way away from the chamber. I laughed carelessly as I removed bits of rubble from his hair. I had never been so happy.

I kept my eyes solely on him as we left. I could faintly feel the rush of wind on my cheek as we exited the chamber and walked into the damp, humid sewer connecting the world to this hell. This hell where they cheated God and captured and angel.

Topaz. I drowned myself in his eyes; even through the darkness I could outline the etches of his auburn pupils. Night and day those piercing eyes haunted me, and yet all I did was dream of them.

I blinked and we were in the square now, so close to escape. I could see in the distance the brick clock tower, and the infamous hands slowly ticking along, signaling to me time's ever-changing manner. Each tick brought through my mind the change I went through, that forever really did nothing to time. We were prisoners and slaves, bound to change and the sands of age.

"It still doesn't change my love for you," he crooned, almost reading my mind as he saw me stare blankly at the clock. I stared at him for a while, relishing in the absence of being able to see him, knowing it to be real.

"Grab them!" shrieked a shrill voice behind me. I jumped out of Edward's arms and glared at the small army behind us.

Out of the darkness leaped Jane, Alec, and Demetri, all of whom seemed wildly impressed to be outnumbering Edward and I. I crouched down low and growled. Edward stood in front of me, ready to protect me.

"It seems you two have managed to escape the room, I see," voiced Demetri. Edward roared as Demetri winked in my direction.

"You don't understand, do you? You weren't meant to live, my dear. You weren't supposed to willingly come here, and take away _my_ role as Aro's favorite. How dare you come in here?" Jane flared her face at me.

Edward roared.

"You've done nothing but constantly berate me. You outsmarted me every time I tried to take you down. I take Edward, you find a home in Denali. You don't come search for him like I wanted you to; instead you stay in hiding for forever. So I go and tell my friend Victoria where you are, and to finish you. And what do I get? I get nothing but a Cullen down and a dead Victoria. I guess you never send another to do what needs to get done.

"So from there, I started my plan. I planted it in Aro's mind that the Cullen's needed to be killed. They were threatening to expose us and overpower us, I told him, they had to go. But _no_, Aro just _loves_ the Cullens," she said, "So what am I supposed to do now? I track down Demetri, who helps me track down you, and you still haven't moved. I thought for sure by then you would have gone somewhere where you didn't want to be killed.

"And just as I was getting ready to take care of another Cullen, Jasper stole the limelight and kicked you out himself. And you sat there and took it. And finally, you did what I had wanted you to do all along. All I had to do then was to make sure I could somehow get you alone.

"But then you started helping Aro plan the death of the Cullens, which I thought was just classic. It was great to watch an imbecile try and weasel her way into my position. Like you could ever do what I do," she said. "And now, for the plan I've had since you first arrived...," she trailed off and averted her gaze to Edward.

Edward gasped suddenly in the night air, and began to writhe in convulsions along the cobblestone floor. I watched with horror as he began to scream and pant, closing his eyes and grinding his teeth together. I immediately launched by his side, wondering how to stop the pain. Anything!

I glanced up at Jane and realized she was staring with concentration at Edward's squirming form, with a smirk upon her face.

"STOP IT!" I cried. Tears began to fog my eyes and I cursed my vulnerability. "PLEASE, STOP IT!!"

Jane diverted her glance toward me, with cruel intention and smugness clear across her face; Edward continued to struggle with immense pain.

"Would you die for him, Bella? Would you do anything?" she questioned. I didn't care for anything else. I immediately nodded and gasped a "yes" incoherently, wanting simply Edward to stop.

"Please…" I begged, "Please don't do this. Please stop! I'll do anything."

"Don't...," Edward moaned. His screams returned at full force, as if Jane turned the dial upon pain for a higher concentration. I tried to shield my body against him, hoping to deflect the pain, and bring it upon myself.

"I love you," I told him, even though I wasn't sure that he'd be able to hear me through his pain. I still felt as though I needed to tell him.

I was suddenly shoved to my feet and held in an armed grip, realizing only through recognition that Alec and Demetri had picked me up and forced me away from Edward.

"No!" My screams grew louder, and I struggled with all my might. I needed to save him. I had to. I wasn't going to let him die here. Not again; I wasn't going to lose him again.

My vision blurred, but I didn't care in the least bit. I continued to violently thrash forth, hoping to loosen the hold I was placed in. A sharp piercing laugh punctuated the night sky, and I looked pleadingly at Jane.

What was I willing to do for Edward?

_Anything._ I would die for him. I would join the ranks of the Volturi forever if I had to. It was all for Edward. Everything; my old brown eyes, my name, the very ground I stood on. I was here as a vampire for him. My heart belonged to him. I was Edward in every sense of the word, and to be away from him once again was to willingly die right here.

"Kill the Cullens," yelled Jane through the ever crying screams of Edward.

The weight of a thousand bricks fell upon me. To save Edward. To kill the Cullens. Every problem and every cry over the past year led to this moment. The real matter laid in love; to save love, by killing some of it. Who could I live without? What was I willing to sacrifice? I needed more time. I needed to reason this out. There just had to be another way! There didn't need to be death. There was always a way.

_There's no silver lining._

I heaved dry sobs as I realized there really was none. To kill Edward was to kill everything. Life would be useless. I would much rather the choice to be myself, because I could handle masochism. But to kill the Cullens, my family, no matter what happened, was too terrible to imagine.

Edward screeched louder as Jane concentrated on his body once more. It seemed to be getting worse as Edward's screams were replaced by incoherent words, his mutterings only the very more frightening. I lost all reason to bide time and spoke.

"I'll do it," I whispered. The very answer shocked me. Jane's already smug face lit up as she registered what I had said.

Slowly, I heard Edward's screams ebb away into long, relaxing breaths. He looked at me with pained eyes, and for the first time, began to weep. He wept not only for his family, not for himself, but for me. The girl he promised to keep safe forever. The girl he vowed to never interfere, and to let live happily ever after. He cried to let out the year of sorrow and grief. I cried for Alice and Jasper. For the inability to love through the Cullens. He sobbed for Carlisle, his best friend and father. He wept for the innocent men, women, and children whose death was because of the hunger of monsters. Of vampires.

I sagged in my captives' arms, too disgraced to further hold myself up.

The curse lived on; I had ruined the lives of Charlie and Jacob. I had done away with the inherent qualities and goodness in the Cullens. And now, though unbelievable, I ruined the heart I never imagined to break. My mending only created more cracks through his soul. I had ruined Edward Cullen.

Jane finally saw the disaster she had made and laughed triumphantly.

"How disappointing, child. I can see in your eyes that you don't seem to have the strength. It makes me question your ability to do away with the Cullens," she commented snidely. Suddenly, as if possessed, fury blazed across her eyes.

"ENOUGH OF THIS! I'm tired of having to compromise with you fools! It's time I finish the job once and for all. The Cullens can wait! For now, I'll just do away with what I have."

From her pocket, Jane produced a silver lighter. Swiftly, she sparked a flame and held it gingerly in her hand, examining it with a crazed expression upon her face. I observed with horror and terror as she casually pitched the flame through the air, where it awaited to hit the ground. Just where a weeping angel sat.

The lighter touched Edwards feet, and almost like wildfire, began to shoot up the flames, encircling his body like an inferno.

_No._

Without thinking, I managed to push both Alec and Demetri away from their grips, and launched myself at full speed toward the burning saint.

I leaped into Edward's arms, and held on for dear life. I clung to him, holding tight. Behind me, I heard a sneer from Jane's lips. But I didn't care to listen. I simply looked into the very eyes of a terrified Edward.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he yelled.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, finally unaware of the fire burning us. I simply looked straight into his eyes. There was no where else I wanted to be. I didn't want the meadow I fell in love with while I was human. I wanted heaven. And Edward was here to make the flames the gates to the clouds.

"It's what you would have wanted," I whispered. Edward shyly smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist.

It didn't matter anymore. The burning around us simply numbed me once more, but this time I loved every minute of it. All I wanted to do was stare my love, my one and only.

"You're finally warm, Edward"

"I can hardly feel it."

No more sorrow. No more grief. Only me and Edward, holding each other, waiting for time to end. As we burned, I began to feel different. I no longer felt cold. In turn, my vision weakened, and I never felt so weak. I looked up with a shocked expression to see Edward had changed. There stood a boy of seventeen, with bronze hair, and green eyes. I didn't see a vampire.

We held each other, simply staring, making up for lost time. Forever never gave enough. But this… this is what I would have wanted.

What he would have wanted.

I gently pressed my lips to his as the flame began to turn us to ashes.

**Fin.**

* * *

**A/N:** What'd yah think? See the post after this chapter for follow-up explanations and important dates. :) Remember: **Review. Please. **

-cALLIEfornia BENches


	15. FINAL AN

**WOO! WE'RE DONE!** Haha.

So after I finished reading Chapter 12 (or, technically, 13 with the Preface included) over (before I posted it) I realized how obvious it was that Edward was in the castle. So I put that little Author's Note in there saying not to expect anything. But really, we had been extremely secretive about his whereabouts all throughout the story—we felt we should throw you guys a bone. Haha.

There's still many, many questions to be answered, and we know and apologize for the kind-of cliffhanger. But everything will be answered in the sequel. Promise.

A couple points I wanted to bring up _before_ the sequel, though:

a) Bella **did** witness a death by Victoria back in her dream in Chapter 6 (Or 7, if you're including the Preface). It just wasn't Edward's—so who died? The answer _is_ somewhere in this story, but you just have to look hard. I'll give you a hint; it's in one of the chapters where we mentioned a lot of foreshadowing. If you have any ideas, review.

b) As we've stated a billion and a half times before, there _is_ a sequel. However, I'm about to reveal a strange bit that I've told one person (aside from Ben, who thought it up. Haha.) The sequel will **not** be in Bella's POV. :) Review with your guesses of whose POV it'll be from.

**If you review with the correct answer to ****both**** A and B, we'll send you the **_**entire**_** prologue of the sequel, Author's Notes and all.** We won't, however, be able to elaborate on either of the answers.

If you only get one correct (we won't tell you which one), we'll reply with half the prologue. If you don't get either right... well, as a token of our appreciation for trying, we'll send you the first paragraph of the prologue. :P

Also, just kind of for fun, we'd like to hear what you _want _to happen and what you _think_ will happen. You won't win any prizes for this (mostly because we don't have much to give out), but we'd love to hear your predictions.

Just a last few things;

1. Thank you all SO much for EVERYTHING. Seriously, your reviews always make our days. _Special shout outs_: JenRar who reviewed every chapter, even when she wasn't sure we wanted to keep reading and put her trust in us to make the sequel amazing. **We love you JenRar! **We'd also like to mention our other faithful reviewers, such as bridget cullen, sometimestheycallmejackie, JackieWackie, and fiberkitty, as well as our very first reviewer; miakarn. And, of course, mine and Ben's friend, Simi, who's the only person besides Ben and myself who know what's going to happen. _Allie's special shout out_: To my friend LILYLAYLEE for getting so excited every time I gave her another hint about the sequel, and for all the in-depth Twilight discussions we have during Journalism. :P

2. The sequel is still on for being out next Friday. We've got the prologue written. (Keep in mind, a prologue and a preface are different—prologues are just a random bit with the characters in the story, and prefaces often give insight to the climax of the story. We're having a prologue for the sequel.)

3. We would love to get to 100 reviews before the sequel. It would be amazing. You have no idea. If you do that, Ben and I will post TLiF sooner than originally planned. :D

4. Epilogue will be posted tomorrow-ish. It's done, just being edited. :)

5. Just FYI; if you didn't notice before, Ben and I always post the songs for the next chapter early, before we post the chapter. The songs, 99 of the time, will give you insight to the upcoming chapter. It'll continue with the sequel and TLiF. :)

5. ARE YOU READY TO HEAR THE TITLE OF THE SEQUEL?! I know you are. The title will be called... **Turning Eighteen**. :o _But Ben and Allie, what does that MEAN?!_ That, my friends, I cannot tell you.

Ben and I are off to celebrate our finishing of the story. WOOT! As much as we'd love you to join us, we figured that'd be a bit... well, expensive to fly you all to Seattle. Tonight. Haha. We'll respond to all reviews, as always. Just don't get too excited if it's not until tomorrow. :)

You guys better have a wicked awesome day. I know Ben and I will. :)

For the last time as WHWHW,  
-cALLIEfornia BENches


	16. Epilogue: Change

**Disclaimer**: We do not own, nor claim to own anything that is from the wonderful imagination of Stephenie Meyer. The poem at the start of the Epilogue belongs to the amazing poet, Sara Teasdale.

**A/N: **THE EPILOGUE!! So Allie and I (THIS IS BEN) are sooooooo incredibly amazed at the amount of reviews and views from the last chapter. Keep them up! Seriously, there are so many, that we are having trouble replying back; not that we have a problem in ANY way!

Since Allie did the final A/N, I thought I might put mine here. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and read our hardwork. I would especially like to thank JenRar, who literally makes me smile and trusted us not to diminish her day.

Without further ado, here is the epilogue, at which I'm sure you'll be either confused or amazed (lol). This is the last chapter from Bella's point of view. So, before you read, I give you a celebratory wave on surviving the ride that is What He Would Have Wanted. Remember to read the A/N at the bottom for more information and clarifications on the chapter.

Enjoy!

* * *

**What He Would Have Wanted  
****By cALLIEfornia BENches**

_What do I owe you  
__Who loved me deep and long?  
__You never gave my spirit wings  
__Or gave my heart a song.  
__But oh, to him I loved,  
__Who loved me not at all,  
__I woe the open gate  
__That led through heaven's wall._

I was back in the dark corridor that had been haunting me for months.

All around me, I could smell them, treading lightly on the ground, and circling me. I knew what was coming; I was going to be attacked. Each and everyone of the cloaks encircling me had lightening speed, a match, and the orders to capture me. Dead or alive.

I hoped for another silver lining, one where each and every cloak dissipated into thin air, and those murky clouds parted, casting my bronze-haired angel down from the heavens. I only hoped that, even without wispy clearings of what was ahead of me, even without the dark clouds moving aside, he would come and save me again. Like he always did.

But this time, I wasn't so sure.

He was no where in sight. My eyes darted helplessly from each corner of my vision; nothing. He had left as soon as he had come. There were more important things than me. I was secondary. I should have been angry. Betrayed. Used. I ought to be giving up at this very moment, letting go all I had held. I should have let the cards fall where they could. Any normal person would have done that.

But I understood. My prince would come and rescue me, I just knew he would.

Fairy tales never left me believing for a happy ending. I was always left wondering, _the sunset they wander off to doesn't last forever. _The light only shone for so long; after, not even twilight can withstand the power of darkness. Pure, and utter shadow. But I believed this miracle. There was no doubt in my mind he would come for me. He always did. Love knew no bounds, heaven or earth.

He'd come.

I was put out of my daze as the small ray of sun shone on the cloaks, revealing a shimmering hand shaped in a square fist created contact with my stomach, and I was knocked sailing across the open air.

I quickly regained myself, and shot forth, relieved to finally get myself a couple of kicks in the fight. I knocked one of the hooded demons back, tearing bits of the robe in the process.

"No use in hiding under those thick hoods! You'll never be able to appreciate the sun under those things," I sneered. I felt a strong grip behind me and ducked gracefully, and swept the figure off it's feet in one fluid motion. The cloak fell off, revealing a frustrated and wildly confused follower. I quickly made good work of his arms, and continued to back up toward the street, looking for the open space and hoping to bide time.

The remaining figures continued to circle me, some apprehensive of my power and others keen to bring me down. All I had to do was wait. And stall for him.

The cloud cover was starting to relieve itself, letting leaks of light pour through, scattering bits of the street with rays.

Now.

I jumped high and furiously began to take down one of the figures, each stratch and punch I learned vital to my survival. To his survival. To the family.

But before I could deal another blow, I was strangled to my feet, and the cloaks reassembled, drawing nearer towards my squirming and struggling body. Behind me, my captivator whispered.

"We meet again, dear. You thought you could escape me once? That was quite a stunt last time, youngling, but I assure you, God won't be so gracious," shrieked Jane. I was never going to escape her. Through life and death, she was always behind me, placing low threats in my ear.

_Where are you, Edward?_

This wasn't going as planned. I wasn't supposed to be caught! Fear and self-anger boiled inside me; I couldn't disappoint once again. This wasn't just about Edward and I anymore. This was about the family. About our lives. About the rest of the vampires.

I wasn't going to fail.

I kicked back with all my force and heard a stifling crunch of bones. Jane's piercing scream filled the sky as she crumbled. Swiftly, I leaped forward, careful to run out of harm's way.

_Crack_

A loud sound, and I crumbled to the ground confused as to why I hit the floor. Everything was still, with the soft musings of Jane shrieking with glee.

But he came. I blinked and lazily smiled. Behind Jane, behind the shrouding cover of cloaks, stood a Greek God, his bronze hair covering his eyes, with a triumphant look upon his chiseled face.

This was the last thing I was going to see. And I was so happy. Fairy tales might never be realistic. But I would always hope to ride off into the sunset, with Edward by my side.

Darkness seemed to take over my body, and I woke up with a jolt.

Sweat covered my face and stuck to the shirt I chose to sleep in tonight. The covers and pillows were scattered all around the floor, as if a great scuffle took place in my room. Soft cooings of croaking frogs and the light dustings of wind were the only sounds beside the sharp breathing belonging to my own.

"It was a dream," I told myself. An odd dream about a brown-haired beauty and gorgeous man that I could never seem to get out of my head. They seemed so familiar, but yet, I had no idea who they were.

Vampires? That sounded childish.

Maybe it was insomnia. Maybe it was the compensation for the boring life I felt I had. Maybe it was due to the increasing amount of stress from the upcoming final exams.

All I knew was that this wasn't the first time the two clouded my sleep. And that I wish I could be a part of it.

But I wasn't a vampire, of course. I was simply a 17-year old human girl, waking up shaken from a dream.

And unfortunately, the more I woke up, the more vage the dream became and now I could hardly recall any of the details at all. _Ugh._

"Go back to sleep Izzy," I told myself. "Save it for tomorrow..."

But my sweet reassurances did nothing to quench my curiousity. Of the lovely girl who, for the last couple of days, always met the same fate. And of the beautiful boy, who always showed up last, and somehow brought a smile to my face. Each and every time.

If only I was who he wanted.

I slowly drifted into a dreamy sleep. One where I might remember their names. And who they were.

* * *

**A/N**: So, I'm guessing that came as quite a shock, eh? I had a lot of fun writing this little tidbit.

As always, REVIEWING makes best friends, and don't be shy to force feed other to do so as well. By reviewing, you get a preview of the preface/proglogue of the story (MORE INFORMATION IN THE FINAL A/N). We're excited to begin the sequel, titled Turning Eighteen.

CLARIFICATIONS:  
Yes, this is Bella.  
She is indeed human.  
And yes, she was having a dream.

We did name her Izzy because that will be her name in the new story. You'll see...I really can't disclose anymore valuable information. Just, as always, trust us that we know what we're doing hahaha

REVIEW, REPLY, and RENDER OTHERS WEAK TO THE POWER OF TWILIGHT!

_See you next Friday or so,  
_cALLIEfornia BENches


	17. SEQUEL INFO

**WE POSTED THE PROLOGUE AND NEW CHAPTER OF OUR NEW STORY, _TURNING EIGHTEEN_!! SO CHECK IT OUT**.

The link to our profile, is, well, up on the screen.

BUT HERE IS THE LINK TO THE NEW STORY!!

/s/4615540/1/Turning(underscore)Eighteen (**Just type in fan fiction . net before it...the site won't let us put that before.)**

Enjoy!

**(Allie)** Our time off was awesome, thanks for asking. Though I didn't have much time to work on my story, I'll hopefully have some time soon. Good news: I got to meet one of my favorite bands, The Kooks. It was amazing. They signed a poster for me. PS, the lead singer and the bassist are _smoking_ hot. Then again, British accents always do me in. Haha. Anyway, as nice as it was, know both Ben and I are eager to get back into the swing of things.

**(Ben) **So seriously, I really like the new chapter (and I guess prologue because I have authorial respect for Allie, even though I think its irrelevant, good nonetheless). Check it out, tell us what you think. Please review, even if you don't usually. Just say something witty or charming, or say that you like the story: it doesn't matter. I just want reviews lol!

**REMEMBER:**

Review,  
We'll reply,  
You Recommend,  
And  
Rest for the next one!

-cALLIEfornia BENches


	18. Important AN

**IMPORTANT. Read, please. :)**

Hey readers.

Sorry for the psych out. I know how much you guys hate these. However, I swear on my life that this will be the last one of these _ever_ to be posted. Like, ever in the lifetime of cALLIEfornia BENches.

Why?

Because Ben and I made a blog, where we post all the news about Turning Eighteen and Cursed.

It contains updates on chapters (like where we are, and why a chapter isn't being posted on time), what's going on in _our_ lives that may end up impacting our stories somehow, and sneak previews of upcoming chapters (that are different than what's sent out in the review replies).

Seriously, it's got everything. So check it out. There's a link on our site, or you can just go to:

cALLIEforniaBENches(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Just replace the '(dot)'s with periods. :D

Thanks!

Allie

PS Please don't review this chapter. It will be deleted, and replaced with the newest chapter. If you review now, you won't be able to review later. :) Thanks, darlings!


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